There’s a lot of truths that the masses can’t seem to understand, no matter how hard they try…but most of the time, they don’t even try at all.
Most of the time, when confronted with an uncomfortable truth, the mass of men slink away into the recesses of their mind, content in clinging onto their misguided beliefs.
One belief in particular is extremely hard for men to accept—not because it’s necessarily difficult to understand, but because it evokes incredible anger from mainstream consciousness.
…and of course, that’s the truth that I’ll be talking about today. Here’s why your purpose should always come before women, and why you should NEVER make her your purpose in life.
“Your mission is your priority. Unless you know your mission and have aligned your life to it, your core will feel empty. Your presence in the world will be weakened, as will your presence with your intimate partner. The next time you notice yourself “giving in” to your woman, postponing your mission and denying your true purpose in order to spend time with her, stop.” -David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
For millions of years, and in fact up until quite recently, man lived in harmony with his true nature. There was no modern social conditioning, there was no “gender studies” bullshit, and there were no conveniences of the modern life.
Men lived, breathed, slept, and ate when it was natural. They lived within nature, and they were a part of it—and while the evolution of man has certainly reaped us great rewards, it’s also set us far off balance.
During these times, men had to struggle and persevere to survive. The least of their concerns was “getting hot girls,” or “getting laid,” let alone wondering what they should say to some girl on Tinder.
They were too focused on what actually mattered, like building civilizations, winning wars, and hunting down animals with their bare hands and a spear and some mates. They were in touch with their purpose.
Whether it was to catch food, to fight for honor and glory, to spread their religion, or to conquer new worlds, men had a purpose…but now? What do we have when everything has been given to us on a silver platter?
“We’re the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our Great War’s a spiritual war… our Great Depression is our lives.” -Chuck Palahniuk, Fight Club
The reason why so many men are devoid of a purpose nowadays, is because we don’t NEED ONE. Back when we were living day-to-day, and could be slain by an enemy tribe at any moment, purpose was thrust upon us.
Back when man’s entire existence was literally do-or-die, life-or-death, we had a very strong purpose, and it kept us grounded. It kept men focused on what really mattered, but things have changed.
With our modern comforts, many men lack a strong sense of direction and purpose. Instead, they turn to the one vice that has toppled many a great men from their thrones: lust for women.
Everywhere you look, from the media which the mainstream masses consume so eagerly to the streets and halls of our structured buildings, you will see men chasing women…and it’s pathetic.
“But hold on Jon, don’t you teach guys how to improve their game? Don’t you teach guys how to get the dating life that they want, how to sleep with hot girls, and eventually how to get a girlfriend?” someone might ask.
Yes, yes I do—but this is not a contradiction. As I’m going to lay out in this article, it’s extremely important that men understand why your purpose in life should always come before women. It’s fine to pursue women, but you should never make them your purpose.
Men have always pursued beautiful women; whether it was Romeo who fell deeply in love with Juliet at first sight, or whether it was a king who took his time to court a princess from some far off land. Pursuing a woman however, is not the same as chasing her.
When you chase a woman, you put her before your purpose in life—you make her the star of your movie, you put her before your integrity, and you turn her into your true north. While this may sound romantic and inspire warm feelings, it’s actually the worst thing that you can do.
Women are attracted to men who have a strong sense of purpose in life, and the second that she senses she can sway you from that purpose, she will recognize you for what you are—a weak little boy, who can be taken off his true path in life by the promise of sex.
Chasing women comes from a place of desperation, of clinging for her love, and of needing her approval to bolster your self-esteem. Pursuing a woman comes from a grounded place of focus and purpose, where you certainly still want her, but want her as an addition to your life, not to be the end-all of it.
Making women your purpose is nothing short of deadly, and I do not exaggerate when I say this. Making a woman your purpose in life will almost inevitably lead to feelings of worthlessness, depression, self-loathing, and sometimes even suicide.
With the dangers that come from making a woman your purpose, you’d think that mainstream society would tell us the truth—however as I’m sure you know by now, the masses prefer a comfortable lie over a painful truth every single time.
Elliot Rodger made women his purpose. Every breathe, every action, every single thought was him asking himself how he could gain more approval from women—and while some level of this is certainly normal, taken to the extreme it leads to incredible mental sickness.
Women are repulsed when you make them your purpose. Ever wonder why they’re so willing to discard a guy who puts her before his own life, meanwhile they chase the guy who barely seems to have time for her? It’s because one of them puts his own life’s purpose before her, and the other doesn’t. Can you guess which is which?
Generally speaking, there’s two ways of getting validation: from the inside and from the outside. Yes, I understand that in reality it’s typically a mix, but keep this concept in mind for a moment—it will shed light to this idea of creating your purpose.
Look at the men in the image above—those are vikings, truly relentless warriors. What do you think their purpose was? Was it to make sure little Susie thought they were cool? Or maybe it was to have a certain type of beard that little Jessica thought was really nice?
Or maybe, just maybe, do you think their purpose was to fucking conquer new worlds, expand their horizons, travel to far and distant lands, and to protect their brothers as they forged onward into battle? I think the answer is pretty obvious.
When you make women your purpose, you’re anchoring your emotional state to something that’s external. Every little thing a woman does will impact your state. When she likes you, you’ll feel on top of the world…but when she doesn’t, you’ll spiral into depression and hatred.
Anchoring your emotional state onto something external, especially women who change their emotions like every five seconds, is absolutely absurd. You are not your BMW, you are not your wife, and you are not your expensive home in Beverly Hills.
I’ve written about Elon Musk in the past, because I think he’s a great example of living with a strong sense of masculine purpose. For those of you who live under a rock, Elon Musk is a multi-billionaire who’s creating a multitude of companies that could quite literally revolutionize the planet.
From SpaceX, the first private company aiming to colonize Mars, to NeuroLink, which is attempting to merge computer technology with the human brain, Elon Musk has got his hands pretty damn full.
So when his wife gets upset over some little thing that he forgot to do, or when one of his previous girlfriends would get mad that he’s staying up until 3 in the morning working his ass off, what do you think his emotional response would be?
He wouldn’t give a flying fuck. Certainly he would want to treat them well and spend time with him, but his lofty goals of changing the world and revolutionizing reality as we know it would always take first priority.
Many guys see this and interpret it as being a dick, but it’s actually quite the opposite. When I spend time with women, I’m pretty nice to them—we do cool things, have fun, and occasionally, depending on the girl, have great sex.
But I never put them BEFORE my purpose. If I have an interview with a major news network scheduled on a certain day, and a girl asks me to hang out, I’m not going to cancel it. If I have to write an article, and I get hit up by a pretty girl wanting to fuck, I’m going to politely decline (or more likely I wouldn’t even bother checking my phone).
When a man puts a woman before his purpose, he deprives the world of an authentic man. He castrates himself and subjects his emotions to the whims of her feelings, which could change on a dime. Don’t do this. Be a man on his purpose.
When you anchor your purpose onto a woman’s opinion of you, your emotional state is subject to the whims of her mood. When you anchor your purpose onto something internal however, it’s nearly impossible to beat down.
Your purpose must come from inside of you; from a deep desire to follow your bliss, to do what you love, and to change the world in ways other men have never thought of before. While this may sound idealistic, it’s true.
If your purpose is to pursue music, teach other men how to build muscle, or to eradicate poverty, your actions that affect this are within your control. Sure, there will be setbacks, but you’ll always have yourself and your integrity.
When you make a woman your purpose, you sacrifice your integrity—because when she says she doesn’t like “X” or “Y” you’ll put on a mask to fit her desires. This is called being fake, and women are repulsed by it. They’re drawn to an authentic, genuine man who does not give a single shit about what the world thinks, and pursues his purpose with laser focus.
In conclusion, you must never make women your purpose in life. Of course you can still pursue them, and value the time that you spend with them, but a man should always be focused on his purpose.
I didn’t just randomly make this up or pull it out of my ass, this is just the way it is. Look back at the times in your life when you’ve put girls as the #1 priority in your life, and dropped everything just for them—how did that work out?
Then, look back at times in your life when you were focused on your own shit. How did women treat you then? Doing this exercise can be quite eye-opening (and sometimes humbling) for many modern men.
If you guys have any questions, comments, or concerns, feel free to leave them down below—and as always, I’ll see you guys next time.
Jon Anthony is a world renowned dating coach and the founder of Masculine Development, a website specifically dedicated to helping men improve their personal, dating, and financial lives. After years of training men how to attract women, build muscle, and make more money, Jon created the "7 Strategies" program to help kickstart your journey to success. Jon firmly believes that every man should have control over his own life, and he created Masculine Development to share his passion with men who want success in all areas.