“I can recognize someone’s footsteps and tell if it’s a man or a woman,” she said. “Men have heavier footsteps, so I can always tell if there’s a guy behind me.”
“When I hear that it’s a guy, I immediately take out my knife and unlock the blade,” she added. Needless to say this conversation hit me like a ton of bricks.
A lot of guys wonder why women are so rude to them. Questions like “Why do girls ignore me?” and “Why are girls so mean to me?” flood my inbox every day, and it’s not hard to see why.
It seems that everywhere you go, there’s some girl ready to shoot you down and leave you feeling worthless. Whether it’s at the club, at a frat party, or simply during the day—but what if I told you that the reason she’s being rude isn’t what you think it is?
Imagine that you’re walking through a gigantic pack of well-trained wolves, and you’re covered entirely in barbecue sauce. I know, I know—it’s kind of a weird example, but bear with me for a second.
You have to walk through this pack of trained wolves, that probably wants to devour you, and hope that given the chance to eat you, their training will be able to override their instincts. Everywhere you walk, you’re surrounded by these wolves.
How would you feel? Probably pretty paranoid, right? You’d be afraid that maybe, just maybe, if there was nobody else around, and a couple of wolves happened to find you, they’d literally eat you alive.
This is literally how girls feel all the time. The reason that they’re rude to you isn’t because they’re “mean” or “bitchy,” but it’s because they don’t know if you’re a fucking serial killer or not.
I honestly don’t think that men can fully understand the fear that women experience when meeting a guy for the first time, going to a frat party, or going out with their girlfriends.
For a while I was pretty bitter over this type of thing. I’d been falsely accused of rape when I was only 18 years old, after a girl had nearly ripped my face off with her mouth, because she said I “looked like one of the Jonas Brothers.”
I knew I was innocent, and that I hadn’t done anything wrong—but there was still something unsettling about a woman being able to potentially ruin my life with just a few short words. It was like I was guilty until proven innocent.
So naturally, whenever someone brought up how often sexual assault occurs, my first reaction was of a visceral nature. I’d seen too much to go back. It was like the curtain had been pulled up from over my eyes, and I could see the truth.
People believe the woman. They always believe the woman, because it’s in their nature to do so. One woman with a desire for vengeance can ruin a public figure’s entire career, with a mere accusation—as has been made so evident in light of recent events.
Yet reality is far more nuanced than this. Over the past several years, I’ve come to understand the finer points of false rape accusations, abusers of power, serial rapists, and the complexities of life.
Yes, false rape accusations are far more common than most people think. Yes, sexual assault is far more common than most people think. Yes, some women do just “want attention,” and yes, some men really are just pieces of shit.
If you’re a guy and you go home with a girl that you just met, what’s the worst that could happen? Maybe she’s a little bit fatter than she looks, or maybe she’s emotional and starts to cry over an ex or something (I’ve experienced both of these).
Now, ask yourself what’s the worst that could happen to a girl who went home with a guy that she just met? Let’s see—she could get tied up, tortured, raped, and cut up into a million pieces never to be seen again.
That’s a pretty stark fucking difference, wouldn’t you say? Most of the time when a girl blows you off, is rude to you, or ignores you, it’s not because she’s “a bitch”—it’s because she’s scared.
Maybe she just met you. Maybe she doesn’t know if you’ll rape her or not. Maybe she wants to meet in public first, as Tinder dates often do. Maybe she thinks you’re a nice guy, but isn’t quite sure yet.
To be fair, yeah—maybe she’s just a spoiled little brat. Maybe she is just a bitch, and it’s that simple—but more often than not, I’d bet that the reason why girls are rude to you, is simply because they’re afraid.
I know what you’re probably thinking. “Oh come on, Jon—sure this stuff happens, but really? You act as if it’s happening to every single girl on the planet or something.” I would’ve thought this too for a while, because it’s a completely valid point.
Yet again, put yourself in her shoes. You’re literally not even half as strong as a man in most cases and all of these physically stronger human beings have a primal urge to fuck you. On top of this, every single day you hear about some girl who was kidnapped, tortured, and raped, or some creep who abducted a woman and held her in his basement for 30 years.
Do you really think it’s that much of an exaggeration to think that she’s just scared of you? I’m a dude who’s trained in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, and yet even if I were to go over to some random dude’s house I’d never met, I would still probably be a bit paranoid.
Imagine how scared you would be, KNOWING that he could literally rape you if he wanted to. There’s nothing you could do about it, because he’s literally twice as big and twice as strong as you. Again, put yourself in her shoes—this is how she feels.
I know that this will still be hard for a lot of guys to understand, because it’s not the reality that we live in. We don’t have to worry about walking home at night alone. We don’t have to worry about getting drugs slipped in our drinks.
Again, I didn’t understand this for YEARS, even after sleeping with dozens and dozens of girls. It was only when I started actually opening my eyes that I began to see what I’d been missing this entire time.
I live in a college town, and literally just in the past month there’s been several instances of fully grown, middle-aged men sneaking into girls’ rooms while they’re asleep. Nobody knows how this happened or who the men were.
My Freshman year of college, I recall one fraternity (which I won’t name) spiked the bowl of jungle juice, and something like 50 girls were raped. Dozens of girls (and guys) verified this, saying that they didn’t remember anything after that party.
As a guy, if my phone is dead, that’s fine. I can walk home from the club alone, who cares? As a girl however, if your phone is dead, you will not be able to get home safely without walking in a pack.
Why do you think girls travel in packs everywhere? Again, it’s because they’re scared. We don’t see this though, and to be honest I can’t really blame us. It’s not the reality that we live in, so we don’t really see it.
Understand that most of the time when a girl ignores you out in the club, doesn’t want to talk to you, or doesn’t want to go home with you, it isn’t necessarily because she hates you. She’s most likely just scared.
So what do you do about it? Well, it’s actually pretty simple. Just show her that you’re a decent human being—this in many ways, is what game is. Game, in a nutshell, is simply having a high level of emotional and social intelligence.
Don’t be too aggressive, but know when to take the lead. Don’t be overly sexual, but know when to flirt with her. Know when she’s shit testing you, and when she’s actually concerned about something serious.
These are the complexities of game, and it’s not hard to see why so many men are initially overwhelmed by all the paradoxes of game and contradictory dating advice out there:
I understand that learning game is complicated, which is why most guys suck at it, and why it takes so long to master. Yet even so, the best thing you can do is first be aware of how she’s feeling.
A lot of guys get into the whole “PUA world” because they want better sex lives. So they scour the internet looking for all kinds of dating advice, and get the typical talking points about being more confident.
So, they try being more confident—and obviously you should work on your confidence, I’m not saying that you shouldn’t. Yet what happens is predictable almost to a T.
Guy is insecure and needy. Guy reads internet advice. Guy tries being confident. Guy gets more success. Guy hits roadblock. Guy doesn’t know what to do. Guy gets mad. Guy finally has the epiphany.
After working so much on his confidence, assertiveness, decisiveness, and all of the other characteristics that generate raw attraction, he realizes the “missing link” in his interactions: vulnerability.
Being vulnerable in your interactions will do wonders. So many guys have this problem where they can generate attraction, but she still doesn’t quite want to go home with you yet—again, this is almost always because she’s afraid.
So do you know what to do? Open up. Talk about yourself. What are your passions? What are your hobbies? What was your childhood like? Tell her about that scuba diving trip you took to Cozumel last year, or that weird little hobby of yours that’s kind of embarrassing or nerdy.
I understand that it’s often difficult to grasp these concepts, so I’ll give an actual example here. One night I was out with some buddies, locked eyes with a girl, and immediately went up and hugged her.
She hugged me back, and thought I was hilarious. “Haha, who are you?” she asked. We got to talking, and eventually we really hit it off. I was confident, if not outright cocky, and she was eating it up.
Yet when I tried to go anywhere else with her, she wouldn’t budge. Most guys would interpret this as her just “wanting attention,” or her “teasing you,” but I knew otherwise.
She was afraid. She’d just met me. Yeah, I seemed cool, but who knows—I could be a freaking serial killer for all she knew. So what did I do? I opened up to her. I just started talking about who I am. I was vulnerable.
I told her about how I’m a nerd and like to play World of Warcraft (true fact, actually). I told her that I’m really into self-development, that I love acoustic guitar, and spent some time getting to know her.
After half an hour or so of this type of conversation, she actually invited me back to HER place. She pulled ME. Again, this was because I was vulnerable. I didn’t get butthurt and offended when she didn’t want to go home after like 15 minutes of talking to me, but rather I understood she wasn’t comfortable yet.
This is the attitude that you must take. Show her that you’re a cool guy. Show her that you’re a normal guy. If you can show her that you’re actually going to protect her, that’s even better.
That also reminds me of another time that I had a girl try to pull me. I was out at a night club in DC, and saw some creepy ass looking mother fucker with a pedophile beard lurking around. I could tell that something wasn’t right.
I noticed that he was walking around and kept getting awkwardly close to girls, but he tried to act like it was an accident—then I saw it. He was bumping into girls “by accident,” and sneaking his hand up their dresses to feel them up while he did so.
I walked up to one of the girls who he just did this to, and asked her if she knew him. I was pretty sure she didn’t, but just wanted to be sure. “That guy just tried to slip his hand up your pants, he looks like a creep, why the fuck is he here?”
Immediately her eyes lit up, and it was like I could read her mind. “Oh my God, it’s a guy who will actually look out for me. It’s a guy who I can trust.”
I grabbed her by the hand and took her to the bouncer. We explained what happened, and then pointed out the creeper who was upskirting girls. He got kicked out.
The girl was actually so turned on that she started hitting on me and wanted to go home with me. Unfortunately I had to decline her offer, because I’d already committed to helping my friend out with his game in the field.
Even still however, this example just goes to show you how powerful it can be when a girl realizes that you’re actually not a creep, that you actually don’t want to hurt her, and that you’ll actually protect her if need be.
Again, I can immediately tell what some of you guys are probably thinking. “So what you’re saying is I should just be some faggoty, spineless white knight? I’ve been trying that and it hasn’t worked.”
Here’s where the nuances of social interaction come in, however. As I’ve said before, it doesn’t matter so much what you do. What matters is the place it’s coming from.
When white knights try to “protect” a girl, really what they’re doing is trying to fuck her. It’s pathetic. “Hehehe, maybe if I act all righteous and valiant, she’ll want to fuck me!”
What I was doing on the other hand, was something entirely different. Again, like most things in game, it wasn’t my actions that she picked up on—it was the place that they were coming from.
I wasn’t trying to get laid when I saw that happen. I wasn’t thinking “Haha, now’s my chance! I’ll throw this guy out, look all cool, and she’ll want to suck my dick in the bathroom!” No, that’s fucking stupid.
I was literally just concerned for peoples’ safety. I saw a guy who looked like a fucking creep, and to be honest was kind of upset that the bouncer even let him in. I didn’t want him stalking any girls or doing some weird shit like that, so I got the guy kicked out—that was that.
Do you see how this isn’t the same as some lame “white knight” or “captain save a hoe” who just tries to get laid by being a complete pushover? It’s coming from a different place. White knights protect girls to get laid, alpha males protect them because they’re decent fucking human beings.
I know that this article was pretty nuanced, and I’m sure that some idiots out there will misinterpret it. Try to realize the complexity of the situation and see reality for all of the multiple layers that it has.
Yes, false rape accusations happen. Yes, there is rape hysteria in some places. Yes, some men are serial abusers who should be shot in the back of the head. Yes, many rapes and sexual assaults go unreported due to fear or guilt.
The takeaway of this article however, should be that you understand where women are coming from when they’re being “cold” or “standoffish.” Half of the time it’s literally just that they’re scared.
So be genuine. Be nice. Be open to them. Don’t be a pushover, but don’t be afraid to open up a little bit. Make her laugh. Have fun with her. Give, but learn to receive…and most importantly, actually apply what you’re learning, and strive to be a better human being.
As always if you guys have any comments, questions, or concerns, feel free to leave them down below. I look forward to getting some feedback from you guys, and as always, I’ll see you next time.
Jon Anthony is a dating coach, fitness expert, and self-improvement guru. He dropped out of college to start Masculine Development in 2015, and has since been self-employed, helping men across the world achieve their best lives. You can best reach him on social media, or via email for questions.