Every day I get guys asking me how to get girls. They’ll ask me questions like “how do I get a girl interested in me,” or “what do I do when she ignores me.” I’ll get questions about health and fitness, trading cryptocurrencies, and pretty much anything and everything in between.
…and of course, I happily answer these questions. I remember what it was like not knowing how to get women interested in me. I remember what it was like being a scrawny little kid who just wanted to put on some muscle, and I remember what it was like being broke as a joke.
But there’s something that’s importance cannot be overstated—and that’s never losing sight of the “bigger picture.” See having the dating life you want, being in good physical shape, and having enough money are all great. BUT, they’re only on the lower rungs of Maslow’s Hierarchy.
They’re incredibly important, believe me—nobody realizes this more than me. When you don’t have these things, you feel terrible, and all you can focus on is getting them. But there’s something beyond this, which I call “the ultimate goal” and we must not lose sight of it.
“Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs,” or put shortly “Maslow’s Hierarchy,” is a theory put forth in Abraham Maslow’s seminal paper “A Theory of Human Motivation” published in 1943. In short, it summarizes what motivates people depending on which “level of the hierarchy” you’re at.
See the bottom one? That’s the physical needs you have. Sleep, food, water, sex, and overall health. Then there’s the second category which is safety. This includes things like money and shelter. The third includes your deep, intimate relationships. The fourth is your self-esteem, and the fifth is your “ultimate goal” or life’s purpose.
The interesting thing is, however, that you can’t concern yourself with one of the higher levels before you’ve mastered the lower levels. So in other words, most guys don’t have their “physiological” or “safety” needs met, because they’re broke and can’t get any girls. This poses a unique problem.
It poses a unique problem, because they can’t help but OBSESS over these things. Just like a man dying of thirst doesn’t give a damn about “higher purpose,” most men nowadays don’t give a damn about “higher purpose,” because they’re dying of financial restrictions or isolation.
Now this brings up a very interesting conundrum. In your quest for accomplishment, you’ll often find that you get obsessive over a particular hierarchy. For years, I was obsessed with the first, and then the second—but eventually, you’ll move on. This then begs the question, how do we advance up the hierarchy?
Most of you guys reading this blog are probably stuck in the first or second level—a lucky few may have graduated onto the third or even fourth. Very few people, and I really do mean that only a HANDFUL of people, can ever attain the heights of the hierarchy. It’s extremely difficult to do.
Thankfully it’s getting much easier as civilization advances, but even still it’s arguably getting harder in some ways. The purpose of this blog is to give men the guidance they need to solidify levels one and two of the hierarchy, although I do occasionally touch upon higher topics.
In short, when you don’t have these three things, finding a “higher purpose” will be virtually impossible:
I know that may sound depressing and cynical, but in many ways it’s actually liberating. The good news is that you can use Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs to self-actualize. In other words, all you really have to do is figure out which rung of the ladder you’re at, and then focus on that one until you can move onto the next.
The first level pertains to many things, but for most guys it pertains to sex. In many ways, sexual promiscuity has risen exponentially in our society ever since the 1960’s. In other ways however, access to said promiscuity is actually decreasing for a large portion of men. Let me explain, a la Pareto.
According to the Pareto Principle, 20% of your inputs will result in 80% of your outputs. 20% of the people own 80% of the resources. 20% of the men are sleeping with 80% of the women. When you combine the tendency of success to attract more success, in conjunction with female hypergamy, you get a society like ours; a society of haves and have nots.
Female hypergamy in conjunction with toxic feminism has isolated a large number of men from having sex nowadays. Of course this isn’t broadcast anywhere. It’s not discussed in public, and it’s not mentioned in our media. We all know it though. We all know that it’s true.
What this means is that now, more than ever, we have a LOT of men who have access to more food, water, and other physiological resources that would have previously been scarce. The one resource that they do not have as much access to however, is sex. Remember: the top 1% of guys are sleeping with 99% of the girls.
Most of the questions that I get regarding women can be answered with a single sentence: “Go see for yourself.” Far too many men ask me questions about shit tests, they ask me questions about relationships, they ask me questions about why girls cheat…but there’s really only one way to get better.
The only way to improve yourself, and thus improve your life, is to go out there and get experience. Of course you shouldn’t go in empty handed—but most guys spend WAY too much time reading and researching, when they should be spending far more of it taking action (read: The Law of Use).
So if you’re wondering how in the hell you can get the sex life that you want, how you can date the women that you want, how you can get the friends you want, how you can earn the money that you want, or how you can do ANYTHING that you want, the answer is simple. Go out there and try for yourself.
If you’re not trying, you’re not growing. If you’re not growing, you’re not going to get anywhere. It’s actually really simple once you realize it. There is no “secret sauce” or “magic formula” that can help you bypass putting in the hard work. At the end of the day, everyone has to do it, and like it or not, that’s just how things are.
As you’re getting out there in the world, taking action, learning new things, and becoming a better man, you should never lose yourself in the journey. Don’t ever forget that ultimately, you’ll want to be aiming for a bigger purpose. Even if you don’t know what it is at the time, believe me, it’s there—and it’s waiting for you to discover it.
What’s funny is that for YEARS I thought I would be happy once I had a threesome, once I was earning six figures, and once I was in great physical shape. I worked tirelessly towards these things, day and night. I practiced my game, went from zero to hero, and conquered the world.
I’ve done all of those things, and do you know what? They’re great, but what makes me happier than anything is following my purpose. Helping others, making the world a better place, fighting for a cause larger than myself. These are the things that will ultimately make you happiest in life, and will fulfill you.
Again, I realize it’s hard to see this when you’re broke and sexless. I understand. Believe me, I do. If that’s you though, just keep in mind that ultimately, you should always have your “eyes on the prize,” so to speak. Always keep in mind that your life has a bigger purpose for you, and it’s just waiting for you to discover it. So get out there and go.
Ask yourself: “What level of Maslow’s Hierarchy am I at?” Like I said, most of my readers are probably around levels 1-2. Some of you will be above this, but the majority of you (from what I can tell) are learning to piece together your masculinity, your dating lives, your financial situations, and your “foundations” so to speak.
As you progress in life, and go farther and farther down the path of self mastery, you will have to readjust what motivates you. Now, having sex with beautiful women or making a million dollars simply doesn’t motivate me like it used to. I care a lot more about the impact I have on the world now.
This may change depending on where you’re at in the hierarchy. Again, there is no right or wrong answer—what motivates you will depend entirely on your stature in life. For some guys, it’s “making the world a better place.” For others, it’s “getting pussy, bro.”
Ultimately this is your journey and you’ll have to decide what you want out of it. I can’t force you to do anything you don’t want to do, and I can’t make you do anything unless you choose to do it. All I can do is offer you some lessons that I’ve learned from my life, and hope that you wish to hear them. So, I hope you guys enjoyed the article, and I’ll see you next time.
Jon Anthony is a dating coach, fitness expert, and self-improvement guru. He dropped out of college to start Masculine Development in 2015, and has since been self-employed, helping men across the world achieve their best lives. You can best reach him on social media, or via email for questions.