Ah, text game—the idea that you can somehow make a girl wet over the phone and have her back at your place faster than a New York minute.
Is it true, though? Can you really get a woman hooked on you just from texting her? If so, what do you message her to make it happen?
The truth is that texting women is filled with obstacles and landmines, from being left on read, to having her flake on you, and more.
In this article, I’d like to present the definitive guide on how to text a girl, complete with examples of messages, templates, and much more.
So strap in, sit back, and let’s go.
The first thing you need to understand about text game is that there’s four distinct types of texts that women will send you—each one is different.
Depending on which type of she sends, you’re going to have to adjust what you send her back. Each type requires a very different response.
Here’s a list of the four types of text messages that women will send you, from “least interested” all the way to “most interested”:
The first type is when she simply leaves you on read. This is when she doesn’t respond to your text messages no matter how many you send.
The second type is when she starts texting you, but is testing you to see how strong your frame is—I’ll cover how to reply to all of these in-depth.
The third type of texting is when your messages are about logistical matters—things like setting up a time to hang out, where she lives, and whatnot.
The fourth type of texting, and the best by far, is when you flirt over the phone and things become more sexual and heated. This is the goal.
With that in mind, let’s discuss each of these types in-depth.
This is by far the worst type of text, and usually happens early on in the interaction. It’s where she leaves you on read, with no reply.
Fortunately, with a little bit of text game, this is very easy to fix. All you need to do is send her a message that makes her eager to respond. This is where understanding how to turn a girl on comes into play.
If she doesn’t respond, it’s usually for one of three reasons:
Most of the time if a woman doesn’t reply it’s simply because she’s busy, so don’t sweat it. The biggest mistake guys make is getting needy as hell.
Just give her a week or so to respond, and if she doesn’t respond to you, here’s a good message to send her that will guarantee a response:
“Hey, it’s Jon… I vaguely recall meeting this cute girl who seemed into me, but haven’t heard anything from her in over a week. Do you think she went missing? Should I call for a search and rescue party?”
Sending her that message is almost guaranteed to get a response, but you can’t rely on “copy and paste” text messages for your whole life.
You should always seek to become a more attractive man, so that women will make you a priority—this is how female hypergamy works.
The second type of texting that you’ll experience with a girl is where she’s responding, but is testing your frame to see how confident you are.
In many ways, the first type of texting (if she ghosts you) is one form of a shit test, so it could be classified under this second type of texting.
If you look at the text messages in the screenshot above you’ll see a good example of the woman giving me a shit test, and me passing.
“I’m a cancer. You’re gonna make me cry,” is obviously a test—she wants to see if I’ll apologize and be a little bitch, or if I’ll pass her shit test.
As I’ve covered before, there’s two way to pass a woman’s tests:
I re-framed her frame, and told her my astrological sign, which then justified why I was being a “dick” and was going to “make her cry.”
Remember—women love guys who know how to be an asshole at the right time. Click that link and read that article if you haven’t already.
Understanding how a woman will test you via texting is difficult to grasp at first, but once you get it, passing her tests is the fastest way to build attraction and move towards setting up a date.
Here’s some common examples of shit tests:
The key with shit tests via texting is to not sweat it. Just stay cool, calm, and collected—learn how to talk to girls, and apply the principles to texting.
The third type that women will send you is the logical type. This is where they want to continue the conversation and will reply back.
The logical type of texting is characterized by the exchange of logistical information, like where she lives, what she likes, and her hobbies.
If you made it this far, congratulations—most men can’t get past the first phase, where some woman leaves them on read with no reply.
During this phase, the key thing to focus on is setting up a date. By now, you’ve proven to her that you’re attractive and that you can carry on a conversation, so she’s probably interested in hanging out.
There isn’t much to say about this type of text—all you need to do is focus on setting up a time and place to meet up, and it’s smooth sailing.
DO NOT make the mistake of getting too sexual too quickly. This can often cause a woman to get cold feet, and feelings of being too “slutty.”
The key here is to take it easy. Keep the talking going, set up a time and place to meet, and send her texts semi-regularly until you meet.
Once you make it this far, you’re as good as golden so long as you don’t make any giant mistakes like escalating way too quickly.
Unfortunately, most guys never get to this type of text, so when they DO get here, they often screw it up by being way too sexual and needy.
The key here is to get her to meet up with you ASAP. Set a time and date to grab coffee or hang out, as fast as you fucking can, my friend.
The reason for this, is that if you keep flirting over text for too long without sleeping with her, she’ll get cold feet and you’ll miss your window.
Once a girl is willing to hang out, you should NEVER wait too long—this is one of the biggest newbie mistakes I see men making out there, by far.
Attraction has an expiration, so if you never meet up with her, or if it takes you weeks to set a date, she will quickly move on to another guy.
Start by sending her texts that move in the direction of hanging out with her—here’s an example of how I usually set up a date:
Obviously this is simplified, but you should get the point. Start by moving the conversation in the direction you want and set up a date ASAP.
I hate to say this, but most guys should NOT try flirting over text with a woman they like. The reason? It’s REALLY easy to fuck up your chances.
There’s a very fine line with flirting over text—too much, and she may start feeling like a slut. Too little, and she may think you’re not interested.
In general, when it comes to texting girls, you want to treat it as a way to set up the date and time to have sex—anything else is a waste of time.
The BIGGEST mistake guys make when learning how to text girls, is they text her over and over again, and NEVER actually meet her in person.
Until you sleep with her, every text you send should get you closer and closer towards eventually meeting up with her somewhere.
Otherwise, what’s the point? Who cares if she says she wants you, she likes you, and wants to start dating you—if you never even meet up in the first place, you’re basically just her beta orbiter.
That being said, there’s a ton of ways you can flirt over text. If you do it RIGHT, she’ll start to really like you, as you’ll give her good feelings.
Here’s an example of a flirty message I send all the time when I want to escalate things with a woman. It’s powerful, so use with caution:
The thing with flirty texts like this is that they’re often very hit or miss—if a woman is already into you, they make her like you even more.
If she’s NOT into you, however, or if she isn’t sure what to think about you yet, sending flirty texts like that could give her cold feet.
There’s a time and place for everything, so when in doubt, it’s better not to say anything—after all, if things are going well, why risk it?
When you send a woman good texts like that the RIGHT way, her attraction towards you will grow faster than ever before.
For most newbies, however, it’s best if you don’t flirt over text, and just focus on setting up a TIME and a PLACE to meet her. Then, flirt in person.
I get it. Learning how to text a girl can be confusing. Sometimes you think she wants to meet up, and other times she ghosts you.
So, I’ve compiled a list of the most common questions guys ask me it comes to texting a girl they just met, plus some best practices for text game.
In general, guys worry too much about what to send a girl. The fact of the matter is that if a girl likes you, then you can basically say anything.
Therefore, you should focus on becoming more attractive. Learn how to make a girl want you. Get over approach anxiety. Get better game.
The bitter truth is that if you aren’t an attractive man to begin with, no amount of text game, templates, or examples will help you.
That being said, I know it’s hard to make such a big change, so I’ll give you a few examples of things you can send her to strike up a conversation:
In general, it doesn’t really matter what you say to her in your texts, what matters is that it makes her FEEL something. Curiosity, intrigue, attraction, shock, it doesn’t matter—feelings equal attraction.
I always like to say something cheeky when I first get a girl’s number—any of the texts down below (or anything like them) are perfect:
If you can be cheeky and mention something that happened last night, that’s great, because it’s almost like an “inside” joke.
Keep in mind that there’s a few reasons why women might not reply to your texts. What you should do will vary depending on the cause.
If a girl isn’t replying to your texts, the first thing to do is WAIT. Do not make the mistake most men make and keep texting her over and over again.
Wait a few days, and if she doesn’t respond, send her a funny meme, or one of my best dirty pickup lines—anything that will make her laugh.
Another reason might just be that she’s busy. The general rule is that if you send her three texts and she doesn’t reply, then it’s time to move on.
Texting girls you like can be difficult. Every so-called dating coach says something different—but do you want to know the truth?
Texting women, especially those you like and want to date, can be extremely difficult—even the most seasoned player will think twice.
With that in mind, here’s some of my top texting tips that you can use to up your text game, and seduce that girl you want to date so badly.
One of the biggest mistakes I see guys make here is they either ask way too many questions or send too many messages to a girl they just met.
Women take TIME to warm up to a man, so don’t bombard her phone with random bullshit. Wait to see what she says, and respond accordingly.
Most guys think that the more they text a girl, the more she will want to respond—but unfortunately, the exact OPPOSITE is what happens.
Keep it low key, don’t get needy, and focus on your own life.
Another huge mistake I see guys making, is they beat around the bush, ask random questions, and the conversation ends up going nowhere.
Instead, you should always guide the discussion in the direction you WANT it to go. As the man, it’s your job to lead the interaction.
Don’t ask a question or say anything, unless it moves you closer to getting a date with the girl you’re exchanging messages with.
Sometimes it doesn’t matter what you say—no matter how hard you try, some women just aren’t going to be interested in dating you.
This is part of the game, and it’s necessary that you learn to accept it. No amount of “text game” will convince certain girls to like you.
It doesn’t matter, though. Remember that there’s plenty of options. If one woman doesn’t like you, that’s fine—you can go and meet another.
Overall, learning text game is one of the most difficult parts of dating—girls say one thing in their texts, but often want or mean another thing.
If you apply the advice from this article to your dating life, I guarantee you will start to see results immediately. Girls love these good texts.
If you want to take your text game and dating life to the next level, then grab my “7 Strategies to Develop Your Masculinity” eBook.
It’s got everything you need to know to attract women, and has helped countless men transform their dating lives over the past few years.
As always, I hope you enjoyed the article. Feel free to ask any questions you want down below, and I’ll do my best to answer them—take care!
Jon Anthony is a dating coach, fitness expert, and self-improvement guru. He dropped out of college to start Masculine Development in 2015, and has since been self-employed, helping men across the world achieve their best lives. You can best reach him on social media, or via email for questions.
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