I’ve been getting a lot of emails recently from guys trying to learn game. For whatever reason, their dating lives aren’t what they want them to be.
Maybe they don’t have enough women in their life, maybe they don’t have enough high quality women in their life, or maybe they just want a girlfriend.
The one common theme that I keep noticing, however, is that guys don’t really know how or where to start. Do they start with daygame? Night game? Meet girls through their social circle? Where do you start?
Well, I’m going to try my best to answer these questions, in a methodical, actionable, step-by-step plan that you can follow right now.
Step 1. Maximize Your Appearance
While it’s true that having a dominant frame and an alpha male mindset are super, super critical for attracting women, it’s also extremely important for you to maximize your looks.
The reason for this is that when you’re first starting out, you aren’t going to have much game. You aren’t going to know what to say, or when to say it. You’re not going to understand a shit test or how to pass one. You lack game.
So, naturally, you need to increase your looks. This will give you a “buffer,” of sorts, which will make it easier on you. Don’t know what to say? Well, that’s not ideal, but if you look like a Greek god I’m sure that girls will be forgiving.
Hell, I used to get laid a lot with zero game, just because I worked ridiculously hard on perfecting my physical appearance. Before I really got into the manosphere and practicing game, I spent years working out—and not surprisingly, it paid off.
This is why learning game was relatively easy for me. Yes, I was still awkward and had terrible approach anxiety, but I was good looking enough to get by without much game.
I also had decent style. You don’t need to go full out James Bond here, but just learn to buy clothes that fit. Dark denim jeans are a great wardrobe essential, and some sort of dress shirt with a leather jacket or bomber works well. Start browsing through GQ magazine and google what celebrities wear. Shop at stores like Express, Zara’s, and Nordstrom’s.
The combination of a physically jacked body, plus good style and skincare, made it fairly easy for me to get laid even with minimal game. Now obviously as I’ve gotten better at passing shit tests, dealing with flaking, and everything else in between, the quality of women in my life has gone up, but I recommend you start with your appearance.
Find a good workout routine that suits your schedule and goals, and commit to attaining a better body. If you don’t know what a good workout routine looks like, consider browsing through the “Health and Fitness,” section on my blog, or checking out Body of an Alpha (which just recently launched).
In addition to this, get a good cologne, and get some custom tailored shirts. Yes, I know they will be expensive, but you want everything stacked in your favor when you’re a newbie, because it will be hard enough.
Step 2. Utilize Dating Apps
Dating applications are an absolute godsend for modern men trying to get experience quickly. With just the touch of a button and a little bit of text game, you can have a hot girl knocking on your door to hook up every week.
When I first started learning game, I was able to rack my number up by like 30-40 solely from Tinder. Yes, that’s right—I didn’t bother with Plenty of Fish, OK Cupid, or any such other nonsense. I was a Tinder man.
This is still what I recommend to this day. Don’t bother with anything except Bumble and Tinder.
Plenty of Fish, OK Cupid, Christian Mingle, and whatever the hell else are all horrible apps for meeting women. They have far less users, the users are far less attractive (most of them are fat, single mother 30-somethings), and they make you pay stupid membership fees.
Tinder and Bumble, on the other hand, are entirely free. Get good with these two apps and use them to gain some experience in the dating/hookup world. This will give you the confidence that you need to do cold approach.
PS – I used to have a Tinder guide, but it has since been banned. The only way to get access to it is if you purchase my 7 Strategies to Develop Your Masculinity, because I can’t sell it directly.
Step 3. Leverage Your Social Circle
If you already have an existing social circle, now is the time to leverage it. Ask your friends if they want to go out clubbing. Get your friends to go to raves, festivals, concerts, and shows—this way, you at least have an opportunity to warm open girls in your social circle.
There’s a reason why 95% of men meet their wives and girlfriends through their social circle…because it works. It’s 100x easier to talk to a girl that you have a mutual friend with, than with one that you have zero ties to.
When you open a girl at a night club, there’s a very high likelihood that she’ll ignore you, flake, or act disinterested. If you have a mutual friend, however, conversation will happen a lot more easily and you don’t have to worry about her being rude, curt, or disinterested.
The trick here is to not be too “gamey.” Don’t confuse cold approach game with social circle game—with cold approach it’s about being far more sexual, far more assertive, and far more leading. With warm approach you can still be sexual, but you want to focus more on being fun than being sexual (as a newbie).
Some of the hottest girls that I’ve had sex with, I’ve met through my social circle. Think about it—at the club, it’s hard to get that hot girl, because everyone’s trying to get her. You need pretty good game to get her attention. But, if you have a mutual friend? It’s an automatic in.
Step 4. Night Game
Now you’re ready to actually get down to it. You’ve improved your appearance by working out, buying some stylish clothes, and getting some sex-appeal oozing cologne. You’ve gotten some experience from Tinder and you’ve gotten a few hookups from your social circle. Now it’s time for cold approach.
Cold approach is incredibly difficult…but it’s also where literally 90% of your improvement will come from. Think of it as a fire, that hurts like hell, but burns away any beta impurities.
There’s several reasons why night game is so effective at improving your ability to seduce women:
- Women have incredibly low attention spans
- There’s hundreds of women to approach
- You’re anonymous
- You get instant feedback
First off, club girls have the attention span of a god damn 5-year old with severe ADHD—it’s virtually nonexistent. This means that you’ll have to get very good at conveying your emotions and personality in a short period of time.
Second, there’s a ton of girls to approach (assuming you’re in a good city for game). This is crucial, because you want to minimize time between interactions. You don’t want to wait 5 minutes between talking to someone, because you’ll get in your head and your approach anxiety will come back.
You want to be able to approach girls like a god damn rapid fire machine gun. Talk to one, does it work out? Great. Keep talking. Doesn’t work out? Move onto the next one. Doesn’t work out? Move onto the next one. Minimize time between interactions.
Third, you learn quickly from night game, because you’re anonymous. This serves two purposes. First, it means that you won’t get labeled as “that pickup guy,” and second, you can try more direct, sexual things to see if they work, without fear of getting rejected and having everyone remember you.
Lastly, learning night game is crucial, because you get instantaneous feedback, in real time. In other words, if you’re acting needy, she’ll walk away. This instantly tells you that you’re doing something wrong. If your openers are bad, no girls will talk to you.
You get IMMEDIATE feedback, which allows you to tweak your behavior at a very rapid pace. This is why you’ll often see MASSIVE improvements from doing night game after even just a week or two. The very nature of night game is that it’s rapid fire and direct, which allows you to change quickly.
In summary, there’s a lot of ways that you can go about learning game, but this in my experience, it’s best to follow this 4-step guide. First improve your appearance, then master tinder/bumble game, then expand your social circle, then go out and cold approach.
You could do all 4 at once, but if you’re really struggling to learn game, I recommend you follow it in this order (like I did).
Don’t make the mistake of jumping right into day game, unless you’re under 18 and can’t go out to clubs. If this is the case, then your best bet is to go to concerts, raves, and festivals, in addition to building a social circle, until you turn of legal drinking age (or can get a fake).
If you guys have any questions about learning game, or any particular sticking points you’re having, let me know. As always, I’ll see you next time.
I know you’re not a big fan of other dating sites but I’m on Match and was just wondering if you had any tips on how to open when sending a message or how to get more attention
Tease them right off the bat. Also get my Tinder Cheat Sheet
Hey dude, I find your articles to be very enjoyable but there is one thing I would like to ask of you: Could you someday write something about moving on? I happened to have kind of a story with a girl who seemed really into me and all but would never come to a date with me. I happened to give her all of my heart and shizz, you know the story… basically its been over a year and im still not over it, maybe i just need another girl or something. Do you happen to know anything that could help?
I’m not an expert but I kind of had the same problem you did accept I was with this girl and was abused in pasts relationships and said she was falling for me so I turned it up a notch with my feelings and it drove her away, she dumped my ass and went back with her ex who used to abuse her. Point is like me you were probably to needy and that’s a weakness women hate in men
Yeah, the moment one makes a girl the first priority in life, you’re fucked
I get this one a lot. I’ll definitely come out with an article about moving on.
Thanks man! Looking forward to it when you write it
Accept it only took me a week to get over her. Again I don’t want to blow up Jons spot because this is his area of expertise but I met a couple of new girls about a week or so after she dumped me it that’s pretty much how I got over her so finding another chick might be what you need
Thanks brother, I will sooner or later but first I feel like I must focus on my purpose first
Not being over a girl is simple: You mix the relatively easy sex.
That’s it. When you have a gf, unless she’s a complete cunt, she’s likely to put out for you at least once a week. If you lose that and now you have nothing, it takes a toll, because for most men it’s very hard finding another woman.
Women don’t give a shit because sex is easy for them to get, even if they are land whales.
“The best way to get over any girl is to bang ten other girls.” -Saw it in a Seduction Reddit
Great article ! I think as a newbie myself, if (and only if) Game is not your first priority (working on others areas of your life before), I’ll add this simple rule “Do one move everyday in the direction of women”. That could be today wear better clothes, or suscribe to a new app, or send an message to a girl you already know, etc ! It’s surprising the effect it can have to only do one little move per day, when you don’t need a lot of improvment in this area to be happy about it.
Waiting for new articles !
Yes – the “marble and sculptor” approach. Just chip away a little bit every day, and soon enough…you have a masterpiece.
Also I got your email, will respond! Been very busy lately w/ eBook launch!
Jon how are you able to stay up late for night game and be effective? For me, my body honestly gets exhausted by 8 or 9 at night and no matter what I do, I can’t seem to shake the tiredness that comes. So I feel like even if I really wanted to try out night game, I’d probably be too tired and fall asleep while at the club lol (I’ve tried caffeine/preworkouts but my body’s used to them now).
I have my own source of income so I can wake up later in the day. Also read “Ultramind Solution,” could be a hormone or emotional thing. Your emotions affect you far more than you think, and can exhaust you if they’re toxic (chronic anger, resentment, depression, insecurity, etc.). Eat good food, live a healthy lifestyle, and let go of negative emotions – find your purpose, you’ll have plenty of energy!!
Alright, thanks brother I’ll check that out
Your articles are always helpful but I just wanted to ask if you’ve noticed Tinder hasn’t been the same lately. I started using it last summer and was having no problems getting matches and hooking up with girls. I stopped about 5 months ago because I got into a relationship which is over now and went back on Tinder and noticed A LOT of spam and fake profiles, especially scammers. I think Tinder is at a low point and just wanted to now if you noticed it too or is it just me
Yeah, I’ve noticed it. There’s a lot of hookers and scammers on there now, but it’s easy enough to tell if they’re fake or not. Bumble has less fake profiles
Yup, they’re easy to spot especially when you match with them and they send a message right away. No girl is that desperate to where they’re going to make the first move within seconds. That sucks about your Tinder cheatsheet getting pulled. That was responsible for about 80% of my hookups. The “you look like trouble” opener….. worked like a charm!!!! ??