Tell me if this sounds familiar. Maybe you’ve been seeing a girl for a while, and you feel like you’ve got some great chemistry… but for whatever reason, she never seems to text you first. Why is this?
You’re probably left wondering what it could be. Did you send her the wrong text messages? Is she seeing other guys? Does she really even like you that much? Women can be confusing as hell sometimes, believe me, I know.
Well, there’s actually a lot of reasons that she probably isn’t texting you first. Some of these reasons you might not like to hear, but I’m going to give you the real deal here—the truth may hurt, but it will set you free.
Then, after I explain WHY she may not be texting you first, I’ll explain WHAT you should be doing about it. So, if you want to fix your texting problems with women and have her texting you back 24/7, then keep on reading.
Let’s start with the most basic and obvious question you probably have now. Why doesn’t she text you first? Well, there could be a lot of different reasons for this, but there’s 7 main reasons that I want to cover here.
Here are the biggest reasons she isn’t texting you first:
Out of all these reasons, typically the biggest reasons that she isn’t texting you first are that you’re either not high value enough, or you set the wrong frame. Now let me explain each of these in more detail, my friend.
Now you’re probably not going to want to hear this, man—but Masculine Development (this website) didn’t become one of the most popular blogs in the dating and self-improvement sphere by giving you bullshit mainstream advice.
This blog became popular, because it gives REAL ADVICE, even if you don’t want to hear it. So, with that in mind, the BIGGEST reason that she isn’t texting you first is that you’re not high value enough.
Ask yourself the following questions:
Seriously, take a minute to ask those questions. See, the dating world is harder today than it’s ever been, because female hypergamy has been let loose. You’re competing against guys who are 10x better than you.
Again, not to be a dick, but I’m just being real with you, man. Even a MODERATELY cute girl is going to have rich sugar daddies and handsome athletes hitting her up on Instagram, so if you’re some slob with a regular job, and you don’t work out or improve yourself, then why the hell do you think she’d want to always text you first?
She WOULDN’T! But, if you were making six figures, in great shape, confident, funny, and had an interesting lifestyle? You can bet your ass that she’d probably be texting you first all the time (unless she’s dumb, which I’ll get to in reason number 7).
So, before you start to complain, and before you start to get mad, take some time to actually improve your life situation. Read my article on looksmaxing and take that advice to heart. Start increasing your income.
If you don’t know where to start, this blog is a great resource—we cover everything from dating to lifestyle to fitness to making money, and much, much more. Always improve your own value FIRST, and the vast majority of your problems with women will fix themselves.
Now, assuming you’re attractive and work on yourself, why else wouldn’t she text you first? Well, the second biggest reason I’ve found in coaching men across the world, is that you set the wrong frame from the start.
See, the frame that you start with in the relationship is going to dictate the frame for the rest of the relationship. So, if you’re always texting HER first, then OBVIOUSLY she’s going to get used to it and come to expect it!
Sometimes you need to refrain from texting her for a few days, or even for a few WEEKS, to make her miss you. I know that can be scary, because you’ll probably wonder: “what if she doesn’t text me back!”
Well, if she doesn’t even miss you enough after a few weeks to text you back, then she probably wasn’t the right girl for you in the first place, man. Again, just being real here—do you want to invest your valuable time and energy into a woman who’s never going to text you first? Or do you want to invest it in women who will chase you?
Now, the ONLY exception to this rule is if you haven’t slept with her yet. Obviously, if you haven’t slept with a woman yet, you’ll need to put in a little bit more work at first to make yourself stand out from all the other guys.
But if you’ve already slept with her several times, you always give her amazing sex when you do sleep together, and she’s not texting you first? It may be time to pull back a little bit and see what she does.
One of the harsh truths of the dating world is that no pretty woman is ever TRULY single. Even if she’s in a relationship with you, you can bet your bottom dollar that she’s got other guys trying to slide in her DM’s all the time.
So, if she’s not texting you first, it could simply be that she’s got 3-4 different guys she’s dating, and THEY’RE all texting her first, so you have to fight a bit in order to make yourself stand out from them.
Now, again, let me be real with you—even if she’s seeing other guys, if she really likes you, she will still make the effort to text you first. So, it could be that she just doesn’t like you that much.
Again, just being real, man. I’m not trying to sugar coat advice or give you some bullshit mainstream relationship garbage tips, I’m trying to give you the real deal so that you can level up your life as a man.
There’s been plenty of times where I’m dating 4-5 girls at once, and I know they’re probably dating other guys too, because we’re not exclusive—but do you know what? Most of these girls ALWAYS text me first, because they understand I’m a guy with options. I’ve taken the time to improve my life so this is the case.
…and if YOU want to be a guy with options, I recommend you start implementing the 7 Strategies Program I offer, that has helped thousands of men level up their dating lives. At the BARE MINIMUM, you should be reading the dating section of this blog though, to start leveling up your dating life.
If you haven’t read my article on shit tests, then definitely give that a read—because when a girl doesn’t text you back, it can often be a form of a shit test. This is when a woman tests you to see what type of guy you are.
Now… you’re probably wondering: “Why do women do this? Why do they test men?” Well, that’s just what women do. If she isn’t texting you back, she’s looking to see how you respond.
Most guys respond like this when she doesn’t text back:
This is HORRIBLE! You should never get so emotionally attached to a woman that you have this type of response, ESPECIALLY if you haven’t even met her yet. I hate to break it to you man, but if you just got her number from Tinder, or from a bar, and haven’t even slept with her yet, you shouldn’t be getting mad if she doesn’t text back.
Instead, be cool. Be calm. Don’t let her impact your emotional state. If she doesn’t text back, send her a funny meme, or a joke, or some type of “value giving” text in a few days or so, as if nothing happened.
One of the biggest reasons that she may not text you first is she’s afraid of coming off as desperate or needy. This is especially the case if you haven’t slept with her yet, and she doesn’t want to seem “too easy.”
Women are shamed for having casual sex (or even sex in general), so a lot of the time they aren’t going to make the first move. It’s your job as the man to make the first move, so just fucking do it, though. Women want to be led, they don’t want to have to teach you how to be a man for them.
Men crave sex like women crave attention. In fact, one could make the argument that women care more about attention and validation than they even do about sex—sex is just a means to get these things.
Either way, one way she may never text you first, or reply with lame one word responses, is if she’s just using you for attention (so basically as her beta orbiter). Usually there’s signs of this that you can pick up on very early, though.
Here’s two big signs she’s just using you for attention:
Most women who are just using you for attention will exhibit one of these two signs. If you know how to text a girl properly and your text game is tight, but she’s still doing these things, then just move on and find other women.
It took me freaking FOREVER to realize this about women… and it’s one of the most important lessons you will have to learn as a man, ESPECIALLY if you’re on top of your shit and are always improving, working out, and upgrading your lifestyle.
As guys, we have a tendency to ask: “What did I do wrong?” and that’s totally fair. In fact, that’s the BEST thing you could ask, because it implies there’s something you could do BETTER next time (and learn from your mistakes).
But sometimes, girls are just plain fucking dumb. Sometimes they don’t realize you’re a high quality man, because they wouldn’t know a high quality man if he smacked them right across the face.
You can’t take rejection personally—in fact, it never is. Failure is feedback, and rejection is not rejection of YOU, but rather rejection of your presentation of yourself, at that exact time, in that exact place.
Ah, now for the million dollar question. What exactly DO you do, when she never texts you first? Well, to be honest, it’s a lot easier to tell you what NOT to do, because this is where 99% of guys end up BLOWING IT completely.
What you do NOT do, is get needy, send her more texts, and start giving her way more attention. This basically tells her you don’t value your time, and she will immediately become less attracted to you, and lose respect.
EQUALLY as important, is you do NOT get mad. Too many guys get angry and desperate and needy when a girl doesn’t text them first, and quite frankly, it’s a sign of an underlying mindset problem (which we fix here at Masculine Development).
Just by simply NOT doing these things, you will set yourself aside from all the other dudes texting her 24/7, chasing her, blowing up her DM’s, and getting all emotional when she doesn’t text back, or doesn’t text first.
The biggest mistake I think a lot of guys make is they think: “Well, maybe if I keep giving her more attention, she’ll eventually start liking me more and texting me first!” Unfortunately, this could not be further from the truth.
In reality, when you over-text a woman who expresses little to no interest in you, all you’re doing is making her pussy dryer than the Sahara desert. If you’re a man on your purpose, you’re not going to have TIME to text women that don’t give you the time of day.
So, no—do NOT double down, send her even more texts, double text her, or triple text her.
Realize that there’s a million and one reasons why she may not text you back, why she may leave you on read, and why she may never text you first. ALSO realize, that these million and one reasons are not always because of you.
Sometimes she’s busy. Sometimes she’s just shy. Sometimes she’s just dumb. There could be a billion different reasons why she doesn’t text you first, but the biggest thing here is DO NOT get emotional! Stay centered, stay masculine, and stay on your purpose. Focus on yourself first and foremost, man.
Okay, so now that you know what NOT to do about it, let me explain what you actually should DO about it.
First off, understand that this all comes down to your mindset. If you have the right MINDSET regarding women, how they should fit into your life, and how to pursue them, most of these techniques will come naturally.
That’s why I always recommend guys get my 7 Strategies program as a start. It’s meant to re-program your entire way of thinking about women, and develop a masculine purpose deep inside of you that NATURALLY attracts women.
Here’s what to do when she doesn’t text you first:
These three things are all exceptionally important when it comes to texting women, so I want to expand on each of these a little bit. The biggest thing to realize, however, is once you get your MINDSET right, everything else with women becomes a breeze.
Why doesn’t she text you first? Well, if you’re texting her ALL THE TIME, you’re not even giving her the OPPORTUNITY to text you first! This seems like common sense, but unfortunately, most guys don’t internalize this.
The first thing you should do is just wait and stop texting her. If you usually text her every day, wait 2-3 days. If you usually text her once a week, wait more than a week. Just WAIT and focus on OTHER THINGS!
This gives her the opportunity to reach out to YOU first. If this doesn’t work, try adding more value…
Unfortunately, most of the text messages guys send are boring as fuck. Worse still, most of the time they’re ASKING for something, rather than GIVING something. Once you internalize this your text game will go up 10x.
There’s two types of text messages:
A value taking text message is basically a text that TAKES value. You’re asking her to answer a question for you, asking her to think about her response, and the like. Now, keep in mind, these aren’t always bad. It’s okay to ask her how her day was, even though TECHNICALLY this is a “value taking” text.
That being said, the majority of your texts should be value GIVING. This basically just means GIVING her good emotions, sharing, being positive, and making her day. Sending memes is a good example of this, or just making a comment (rather than asking a question) is another good way to do this.
For example, instead of saying something boring like: “What are you doing today?” instead try texting something like: “What crazy and exciting things are you getting into on this beautiful day?”
That’s a hell of a lot more interesting and fun, isn’t it? Half the time you can just improve your text game by elaborating more, and being more specific. The key is to be fun, and to keep it light—nothing too serious.
Another big mistake that guys make is they text a girl endlessly, without ever progressing towards actually having a date with her or hanging out with her. This is stupid and will land you in the friend zone faster than you can imagine.
She’s not stupid, man. She KNOWS why you’re texting her. If she’s a pretty girl, and you’re a man, obviously she knows you’re sexually interested in her. So man up and show it. Focus on setting up a date with her. If she gives you flaky answers, then just leave her on read for a week and try again.
If she gives you a flaky answer again, then just leave her, and find a woman who will actually text you first. You can read my guide on how to get laid on tinder for more information on this (seriously it’s pure gold in article form).
In conclusion, it all comes down to your mindset. Yes, you can learn little one liners, and yes, you can generally improve your text game as a skill set, but if your mindset with women is wrong, then you’ll only get tiny improvements.
The REAL way to get a better dating life is to develop a masculine purpose. When you can do this, you will no longer have to CHASE women—they will end up chasing YOU!
The best way to do this is with my 7 Strategies program. It’s the only guide out there that teaches you how to become naturally attractive to women, without having to rely on stupid gimmicks, tricks, and pickup lines.
Here’s what you’ll get when you buy the 7 Strategies today:
Don’t take my word for it, though. Just read some of the testimonials on that page, and see how the program has changed the lives of thousands of men across the globe. The choice is yours, friend. Which will you choose?
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