“The way of men is will; the way of women is willingness.” -Friedrich Nietzsche
I’ve spoken many times before about developing a masculine purpose. I’ve written articles on how to do it, I’ve mentioned it in my eBooks, and I’ve even coached men who are trying to find a greater sense of purpose.
…and yet, I’ve neglected to write an article on how it relates to women. This is long overdue.
See, the mainstream media teaches us that we should make women our purpose. We should put them on a pedestal, chase them, and do everything we can to please them.
While many men believe that pandering to women will generate attraction, women actually want a man who’s 100% committed to his life’s purpose, and even prioritizes it over HER. Here’s why.
Women want a man who’s the star of his own movie. They want a man who’s focused on his own shit, and who’s handling it well.
They don’t want to be the star of the movie…they want to be drawn into YOUR movie. They want to be sucked into YOUR world, because for a woman, that’s the epitome of masculine polarity.
In order to understand the concept of masculine polarity, you first need to understand the difference between masculine and feminine energy.
Masculine energy is basically “yang,” whereas feminine energy is basically “yin.” In other words, masculine energy is everything that’s assertive, dominant, expansive, strong, action-oriented, and decisive.
Feminine energy, however, is more free-flowing. It’s about intuition, nurturing, and emotions—it’s process oriented rather than goal oriented, and it draws state from WITHOUT, whereas masculine energy draws state from within.
So when the mainstream tells you to make the woman your purpose, what does this do? It basically steals your masculine energy and gives you the energy of a chick. Rather than focusing on your purpose, you’re focusing on what she thinks of you.
Far too often, I see many men repeat the same pattern, over and over again. They start off confident, decisive, and focused on their own life…and then, because of this, a woman becomes attracted to them.
Then, however, over time, they abandon the principles that made her attracted in the first place. They stop focusing on their own life and their own growth, and they start focusing on pleasing her and making sure she’s happy.
“But Jon, isn’t it a good thing to make your girlfriend happy?” someone might ask. Yes, it is—but it should never be your PURPOSE, do you understand?
This is a relatively nuanced point that 99% of people will miss, but I trust my audience has the intelligence to understand it. This isn’t a “black or white,” situation, there’s a lot of grey. Yes, obviously you can still do things to make your woman happy.
BUT, it should never be your #1 priority or focus. Your number one priority should be enhancing YOUR LIFE, and bringing her along for the ride. Think of your life as a movie, where you’re the lead male. You’re the star of the show.
You’re completely focused on accomplishing your goals and living your life how YOU want to live it. If you find a girl who loves you, and who wants to be a part of that, then great—bring her along for the ride. But remember that it’s YOUR ride, not hers.
This is the biggest problem I see guys having. They always ask me: “Jon, can you teach me how to get your ex girlfriend back?” But the problem is that she’s the center of their Universe. She shouldn’t be.
Have you ever seen the way that women look at celebrities? Their pupils grow wide, their jaws drop, and they become completely awestruck by them. Whether it’s Brad Pitt, George Clooney, Robert Pattinson, or some girl’s favorite obscure band, it’s all the same.
What causes this, though? It may not be what you think. The media would tell you it’s looks, and although looks do play a role, women actually care very little about a man’s appearance. What they care about is his “energy,” or his “personality,” in layman’s terms.
When you become the center of your own life, and you make YOUR PURPOSE priority #1, you start to develop the “starstruck” aura that women go crazy for.
It’s the energy that sucks girls into your world…they become fascinated with you, and want to understand who you are. They want to be let into your world, they want to be let into your movie, and they want to be let into your life.
Contrast this with what most men do—most men end up chasing women. They put them on a pedestal, prioritize their feelings over their own purpose, and end up repulsing her. If you want to attain the girl of your dreams, you must learn to cultivate your own life.
You must prioritize your happiness above all else. You’re the star, baby—you’re the center of your own little universe. Not in a solipsistic way, but you have to understand that ultimately, you’re responsible for your own life. In the words of William Ernest Henley, you’re the “captain of your soul.”
I’ve been hanging out with this girl on and off for about a month, and the other day, she said something very interesting to me over the phone.
We were talking about the last time that we hung out, and she said that she felt like she felt her energy being “sucked into my world.” I asked her if she thought it was a good thing or a bad thing, and she said that she’d never felt it before.
This is what I’m talking about—when you learn to be the star of your own movie, women will be energetically drawn to you, like a magnet. This is how you get that “celebrity,” vibe that people talk about.
Now I’m not saying that I’m always this way, because I’m not. Sometimes I get needy, sometimes I make a woman the center of my world, and sometimes I fuck up relationships. But I’ve at least tried to make myself the center of my own reality, as should you.
When you’re the center of your own reality, girls chase YOU. Yes, you may have to put some work in initially to get their number or get them interested, but once they’re hooked, they’re hooked. They can’t get enough of your masculine energy.
Women want to fall in love with YOU, not the other way around. They want to feel like they’ve found a wild, masculine man who’s on his purpose, and by the magic of their “feminine charm,” they tamed you. This is the ultimate dream for women—to “tame the wild man,” so to speak.
Cultivating your purpose is something that you must do. I cannot give you a path to do it, because every man’s path is different.
Some men will take a path that’s been charted before. Others, will forge their own paths. I can’t decide for you—but I can give you some guidance along the way.
Finding your purpose ultimately comes down to being brutally honest with yourself. What do YOU want? Not your parents, not your peers, not your girlfriend, not what society SAYS you should want…what do YOU want?
If you actually take the time to meditate on this question, the results will shock you. Most of us have been chasing goals for YEARS, not because we actually want them, but because society told us that we should want them.
What’s crazy, too, is that sometimes we do this for so long, that we begin to think that we’re the ones in control…when we’re not. If you want to cultivate your purpose, you must embark on a relentless quest for self-honesty. There is no other way.
Then, once you begin to discover what you actually want, you must take action to get it. You must put this purpose first, before EVERYTHING ELSE. Run it down like a madman in the middle of the night, and don’t ever stop until you get what you want.
The hallmark of a man who’s developed his masculine polarity, is that the focus is on him. It’s not on what others think of him, it’s not on what women think of him, it’s on what HE thinks of HIMSELF.
A man with masculine polarity doesn’t change himself to please others. He just is who he is—an authentic, genuine man. He doesn’t need others’ approval, he doesn’t crave attention from others, he just does what he wants to do with his own life.
You want to be a cage fighter? Cool, then go do it. You want to be a pilot? Cool, then go do it. You want to be a photographer for national geographic? Cool. Then go fucking do it.
Your girlfriend doesn’t like you going to the gym so much? Too bad, if it’s what you want, then you do it. Your girlfriend hates how you always come work late? Too bad, if you want to do it, then you do it. YOU are the center of your own life.
Don’t let others dictate your own damn life. YOU are the author of your own life. You’re the writer of your own story, the lead in your own movie, and the master of your own fate. YOU decide how your life will play out, and do whatever the FUCK you want to do.
Let me use an example to really drive home this point. Let’s compare two different men, say Jon and Jerry, who take the same girl on a date—Jon has cultivated masculine polarity and a strong sense of identity, whereas Jerry hasn’t.
When Jerry meets up with this girl, let’s call her Gwen, he doesn’t really know where to go or what to do. “So, what do you want to do?” he asks. “Uhh, I don’t know, maybe get some food?” she replies. “Oh cool, yeah, food sounds good. Where?” Gwen thinks for a second, and replies: “Uhh, I don’t know, what do you think?”
This goes back and forth, until eventually they arrive at some local chain. The date isn’t really bad, but nothing stands out. Jerry is just a bland guy, like all the rest.
Jon, on the other hand, knows EXACTLY what he wants to do. He meets up with Gwen, and then drives her to this cool hidden little coffee shop by where he lives. He’s been there plenty of times, so he knows enough Italian to speak to the owner. It’s a cheap date, but the coffee is delicious.
Then, Jon says “It’s such a nice day out, let’s go for a walk.” Gwen complies, eager for him to take the lead. She enjoys laying back and letting Jon lead the way. Jon grabs her hand, and they walk around the block, until they get to a cool little nature trail.
All the while, Gwen is just along for the ride. Jon is doing what HE likes to do, and bringing her into HIS reality. Eventually they walk to Jon’s place, he brings her inside, and does what he wants to do. He walks her up to his room, and she’s pretty impressed with some of the cool stuff he’s got.
It’s not so much a matter of wealth or expensive luxury items, but that his room has “personality.” He’s got some cool souvenirs from when he went backpacking through Brazil, an LSD-inspired painting from a homeless man, and an old tarnished guitar sitting in the corner.
This is “Jon’s world,” and she loves it. Jon has character, he has personality, and he has HIS OWN LIFE. He draws HER into HIS LIFE, not the other way around. This is what you must strive to do. Create your own reality that’s so amazing, women DESPERATELY want to be a part of it.
When you put women before your purpose, not only are they repulsed by you, but you also neglect to improve your life. Attaining the wealth that you want, the body that you want, and the mind that you want, should be priority number one.
Focus on improving yourself, before you focus on getting women. You come first, because this is your life, my friend.
This runs contrary to most of what the mainstream teaches you, but the truth is that when women find a man who’s solely focused on crushing it at life, they can tell very quickly that he’s one of a kind…and that’s what you want.
If you guys have any questions, comments, or concerns, let me know in the comments section down below. And, as always, I’ll see you next time.
Jon Anthony is a dating coach, fitness expert, and self-improvement guru. He dropped out of college to start Masculine Development in 2015, and has since been self-employed, helping men across the world achieve their best lives. You can best reach him on social media, or via email for questions.