Masculinity is by far the most important characteristic that any man could possess.
One could spend an entire lifetime trying to define masculinity and all of its nuances, and I’m well on my way to doing so. But today I’d like to focus on something a little bit different.
Rather than talking about what masculinity is, I’d like to talk about how, without it, your life becomes a mess. When you have a lack of masculinity in your life, it doesn’t matter how hard you try to improve—you have to fix the root problem if you want to see any real improvement. And in this case, the root problem is a lack of masculinity.
If it isn’t already blatantly obvious, then let me make it so: most men lack masculinity. Most men drift through life without any sense of purpose or direction. Most men let the women in their lives call the shots, too afraid to upset their girlfriend or wife, lest she leave or stop putting out.
Too many men have been broken down to a childlike state—too afraid to express their masculinity and develop into the men that the world deserves. So, they just shut their trap, sit down, and keep quiet like a “good little boy.”
In my opinion, our culture’s lack of masculinity is a multi-faceted problem, and there are numerous causes that contribute to this lack. Here are the three main problems that are emasculating men today:
This is perhaps the biggest contributing factor towards the lack of masculinity in our society. As I have said many times before, boys used to learn how to be men by working alongside their fathers in the field.
As they would plow the ground, plant various seeds, and do other farm tasks together, young boys would get a chance to see their fathers in action. They would see how their fathers acted when something didn’t go their way, they would learn valuable life lessons from their fathers, and most importantly, they would develop a deep connection with them.
This all changed during the industrial revolution.
Suddenly, rather than boys working alongside their fathers, they practically never saw them. So, their mothers were tasked with raising them; and unfortunately, as much as I love women, they can’t teach boys how to be men.
Most boys nowadays are in the same situation—except it’s even worse. Not only do most men work all day and never see their sons, but the illegitimacy rate is at an all time high. This coupled with the fact that even when boys have men around, those men weren’t taught how to be men themselves, men are at an all time low.
I have to be very clear here, because I think that a lot of people misinterpret this blog (particularly radical feminists). Whenever I say “feminism,” I’m not talking about 1st or 2nd wave feminism. I’m talking about modern feminism, or neo-feminism.
Neo-feminism, in theory, is a wonderful thing. In practice, however, it leads to the downfall of nations. I do not speak these words lightly.
Neo-feminists often claim one thing, yet act as if the exact opposite is true. They claim that women are “equal,” whatever the fuck that means (it’s extremely vague and its meaning is easily manipulated depending on the situation), but then expect men to pay for their dates.
They expect to be allowed to vote, and to be given the responsibilities that men are given, but then have emotional meltdowns, and if you chastise them or refuse to back down, they use social pressure to make you look like a dick or a chauvinist.
This basically discourages men from expressing their masculinity—any time that they express too much, they’re “putz-shamed,” by neo-feminists who are trained to do this by our toxic media from a young age.
Women are trained from a young age to rebel against men, and it causes numerous problems in relationships. Feminism tells them that they “don’t need a man,” and that it’s sexist for her to submit to a strong, dominant man.
This is, of course, exactly what women want—they want a strong, confident man to lead them through life, because it makes them feel safe. But modern feminism isn’t concerned with what actually benefits women. It’s concerned with what feels good in the moment, regardless of what the facts state.
In short, neo-feminism has dissolved gender roles, and brainwashed boys from a young age to believe that there’s something wrong with masculinity.
It used to be that boys were allowed, and even encouraged, to rough house. Now, if a teacher gets caught letting boys rough house, she faces being fired. Adventure and physical confrontation is how boys learn about their boundaries. It’s how they grow and mature.
Rough play, adventure, and confronting danger is how boys grow into men. We aren’t allowed to do that anymore.
Even the slightest bit of confrontation is met with severe consequences nowadays. Our workplaces encourage passive aggressiveness, emotional manipulation, and other “feminine” battle tactics, while discouraging direct confrontation, and other “masculine” battle tactics.
Men aren’t allowed to rough play, to fight, or even to explore. I recall hearing a mother the other day talking about how her young boy isn’t allowed to walk around his neighborhood without supervision. And he’s 8 years old.
He can’t even walk around and try to start a pickup game of football with his buddies or something—he’s confined to his basement and his Xbox, and his development will suffer because of it. In a lot of ways, all boys experience this to some extent and it prevents them from developing into fully mature adults.
When men aren’t taught how to be men, and, in fact, are discouraged from being men, they choose the only other option: to become effeminate.
From a young age, boys are discouraged from expressing their masculinity—we’re discouraged from acting sexually around women, from being confident and outgoing, and from having characteristics such as decisiveness and assertiveness.
So, what happens, then? Most men nowadays have become completely brainwashed to this “gender fluid,” garbage about how men aren’t supposed to be masculine.
Rather than being decisive and assertive, men become indecisive and unassertive. Rather than being direct and straight-forward, men become passive aggressive and petty. Rather than being emotionally strong, their emotions become dependent upon others around them.
In other words, they become feminine and not masculine.
Not that there’s anything wrong with being feminine…if you’re a woman. But men who aren’t masculine live a life that they aren’t meant to live. Men don’t ever become fulfilled unless they can attain a high level of masculinity. It is in our nature to feel happier when we have masculine characteristics, and to say otherwise is foolish.
Women can get away with having very little to no masculine characteristics—they don’t need to be decisive, assertive, or confident in order to get the lives they want. Sure, women can have these characteristics if they want, but they don’t need them on the same level that men do.
As a side note, women can have masculine characteristics, just as men can have feminine characteristics. It’s retarded that I have to clarify this, but don’t fool yourself into thinking that only men can have masculine characteristics and only women can have feminine characteristics.
Now, of course women need to have some level of masculinity; they need to be able to stand up for themselves and make decisive decisions, and sometimes they need to be assertive to get what they want. But men literally need these characteristics about 10x more than women, and unfortunately, most men don’t have them.
The modern day media spits on masculinity, as if it’s somehow inferior to the values of femininity—I could go on for hours about how this is a horrible attitude to take, and how this attitude leads to the downfall of civilizations, but I won’t.
The point is, that if you don’t have masculinity, every area of your life goes to shit: your sex life, your career, your emotional health…nearly every aspect of your life completely falls apart without a masculine foundation.
If you haven’t taken the time to develop masculinity, here is probably what your sex life looks like: nothing.
Yup, that’s right. Maybe if you’re extremely good looking you’ll get laid once in a while, but even then you probably won’t. This is one of the biggest lies of our generation: that you can just be a “sweet guy,” and somehow girls will magically come falling from the sky to marry you.
In order to get women, you have to be masculine. You have to be decisive, assertive, and confident. These things used to be natural, but now men have to actually put in effort to accomplish these things.
If you don’t have these characteristics, women will walk all over you and manipulate you—and rightfully so. Women hate nothing more than a weak man. Deep down, they recognize that a man who is weak has betrayed himself—hell, I don’t like weak men, either.
If you’re not weak, however, and instead you’re very masculine, your love life will look much differently. Let’s use an in-depth example to clarify this concept.
Jerry was raised by a single mother, and consequently develops very feminine characteristics. He probably didn’t get laid very much in high school or college, because he never had the balls to approach women at parties (if he even went out).
He learns about PUA culture, and goes out to his local nightclub. “Okay,” he thinks. “Time to do this.” So, he timidly walks up to a girl that he finds stunning, and asks “Uh h-hey, what’s your n-name? You’re really p-pretty.”
“Ugh,” she says and walks away. She’s repulsed by him.
What will then happen, is Jerry will start to develop a negative view of women, which will only exacerbate his problems. “All women only want assholes! They don’t want a nice guy like me!”
No, dude. Women want a guy who’s just not a complete doormat. But, nonetheless, Jerry will persist in his delusions.
Maybe he’ll get a girlfriend—she’ll be a real witch, I promise you that. She’ll meet Jerry out clubbing one night, and will instantly sense his weakness. She’ll subconsciously realize that he’s a man who can be manipulated, and will proceed to act sweet around him.
“Wow, this girl is so nice!” Jerry will think. “She appreciates me being a gentleman!” He says to himself. This girl, let’s call her Emma, will soon move in with Jerry. She’s only concerned with using him, but he doesn’t see this – he’s just happy to be getting laid.
Any time that an argument comes up, Jerry will slink away with his tail between his legs. “Oh god, no! I can’t offend her or she’ll leave me and I won’t have any sex!”
Unfortunately, however, him refusing to set firm boundaries only makes her more and more repulsed by him. Eventually, after Jerry buys her a whole bunch of expensive gifts, and she gets bored, she’ll dump his ass and go find some other chump to leech off of.
Or, even worse, Jerry will propose. “Oh my god, yes! I love you Jerry!” she’ll say.
But she doesn’t mean it. Within a year, she’ll get caught fucking the mailman and will divorce Jerry, taking half his shit.
“Women are evil! They’re all manipulative! Fucking whores!” Jerry will say to himself. What he doesn’t realize is that his weakness is what invited this into his life. If you’re a strong, confident, alpha male, as we’ll see, your sex life will look much different.
Jon, in stark contrast to Jerry, has taken the time to develop his masculinity. He’s taken the time to cultivate characteristics such as decisiveness, a firm sense of self, strong boundaries, and a fucking spine.
When Jon goes out to the club, he meets a lot of girls—some like him, and some don’t. But he doesn’t care. “Haha, she doesn’t like me? She’s too dumb to see that I’m the shit,” he’ll think.
Maybe Jon will run into Emma, as well. “Woah, this guy is a challenge,” Emma will think. She’ll be determined to break him.
Now, I want to be very clear that this isn’t all women—obviously we’re all human beings and everyone is different, and women are no exception. Some women are really, really sweet and generous, while others are ridiculously manipulative. Such is life.
Regardless, as men we have to watch out for these things. I cannot tell you how many manipulative women I’ve encountered that have led me on, teased me, played games with me, and taken advantage of my weakness. Trust me, you don’t want to be in this position.
Regardless, let’s say that Jon and Emma start dating. Emma acts like a really sweet girl, but every now and then Jon notices something is off. She starts to sense Jon is becoming distant, so she attempts a preemptive strike: get into an argument and make him feel like the bad guy, so that he doesn’t realize she’s a manipulative bitch.
“What the fuck, Jon!” Emma will yell. She’ll start an argument over some completely ridiculous little thing. Will Jon take the bait, though? No. Unlike Jerry, Jon is truly confident that he can find another girl if he wants, so he sets a boundary.
“If you don’t stop playing games, I’m going to kick you out of my house, Emma.”
“What are you talking about, Jon?” Emma goes on and on, and Jon has enough. “Get out of my house, now.”
He kicks her out, and all she can think is “Holy shit. This guy isn’t like other guys—he isn’t afraid to lose me! He must have so many other options.” And like that, she’ll drunk call him one night begging to come over and “talk.”
“Hmm, alright—I’ll give you another chance,” Jon says. She comes over and he fucks her brains out. She thinks she’s got him, but decides to play it safe.
She showers him with gifts and love, but again, Jon isn’t an idiot—he starts to notice that she plays these little games, and her behavior is a little bit off. Emma decides to start an argument again, in an attempt to make Jon feel guilty so that he forgets about her manipulative tactics.
Jon gets fed up and kicks her out of his life. Then, the next day, he goes to the club, and pulls a stunner home.
All of this is only possible if Jon is confident and has firm boundaries.
If Jon wasn’t confident, he wouldn’t be able to stand up to Emma – if he didn’t have firm boundaries, he wouldn’t be able to kick Emma out.
But, because he’s taken the time to Develop his Masculinity, his sex life is thriving. He isn’t afraid of kicking a girl out if she acts up, because he’s confident in his abilities to find another girl.
Maybe he’ll end up marrying her. He’ll have a lifelong partner who supports him; she’ll make him breakfast every day, clean the house, and be emotionally supportive to him. He will in turn serve as her rock—when she becomes emotional, he will help calm her down and make her feel safe.
This is what an ideal relationship looks like; and you can’t have it until you’re masculine enough to polarize with a woman’s femininity.
I want to make a very subtle point here. To be feminine is to draw state from without; to be masculine is to draw state within. In other words, women receive emotions from their environment, whereas men create their own emotions and influence their environments.
Obviously this is a MASSIVE generalization, but that’s the point—in general, generalizations are true. If this doesn’t make sense yet, that’s fine—I’ll use Jon and Jerry to help clarify.
Again, let’s assume that Jerry was raised by a single mother, so he has a load of feminine characteristics, and his emotional state is no exception.
When he sees that only 5 people liked his Facebook status, he’ll flip a shit and become depressed. “What the fuck! Am I not good enough? Why didn’t any more people like it? Should I say something different next time?” He’s letting Facebook influence his emotional state.
When a girl rejects him at the club, he’ll grow angry at himself and at women. “God, I’m not good enough! I’m so ugly, that’s why she rejected me! I’m not [insert quality here] enough! Women only want tall, jacked, handsome men! Fucking bitches.” He’s letting one girl’s rejection influence his emotional state.
When work gets tough, he’ll grow depressed and anxious. “Oh God, what if I can’t get this done on time? What if I can’t meet the deadline?” He’s letting his work influence his emotional state.
Do you see the common thread here? His environment is dictating his emotions, not the other way around.
Jon, on the other hand, has taken time to develop his masculinity. He has enough emotional strength to create his own state.
When he sees that only 5 people liked his Facebook status, he won’t give a fuck. “Hmm, cool,” he’ll think. He won’t worry about changing himself for other people, he’ll just keep on doing him. His emotional state is influencing his Facebook posts, rather than his Facebook posts influencing his emotional state.
When a girl rejects him at the club, he won’t give a fuck, because the environment doesn’t affect his emotions. “Haha, cool,” he’ll think. He won’t care. Rather than some girl influencing his emotional state, his emotional state is like an impenetrable fortress, that only he controls.
When work gets tough, he’ll get tougher. “Okay, if I’m going to hit this goal by March 31st, I better do X Y and Z.” His motivation and emotions influence his work, rather than his work influencing his emotions.
Do you see the point? Jon creates his own emotions and his own reality; he doesn’t let reality create his emotions.
This is what it means to be masculine in the emotional area of your life.
Men have always been the shakers and producers. They’re the ones that build empires. They’re the ones that create businesses. As much as neo-feminism likes to deny this, claiming that it’s “sexist,” it’s not. It’s just a fact.
Masculine men have always been the shakers and producers. Your masculine mindset (or lack, thereof) will largely influence the amount of financial success you encounter, because it will determine your ability to persevere through difficult external stimuli.
As I have said before, feminine characteristics are typically things like receptivity, nurturing, being agreeable, and valuing social cohesion more than logical information.
So, when Jerry’s confronted with a decision that could potentially earn him millions, what will he do?
Rather than being masculine and taking a risk, he’ll just do what “feels safe,” and he’ll never start that business.
He’ll never accomplish his masculine goals, because he’s too feminine. He’s too concerned with what feels safe; he doesn’t want to step on any heads or shake anything up, so he ends up working some dead end job for the rest of his life. He dies a broke man.
Damn it, Jerry. Can you just fucking read my blog already?
Masculine characteristics, on the other hand, typically involve things like aggression, ambition, and risk-taking. Higher testosterone levels have been linked to higher income, in fact.
When Jon is confronted with the decision to either earn $55,000 a year at a nice steady job, or to start his own business and potentially earn millions a year while changing the world, what do you think he’ll choose?
He’ll choose to start a fucking business.
And because he has masculine characteristics such as decisiveness, assertiveness, confidence, and persistence, he’ll likely make it work out. Sure, he may be less better off financially at first, but eventually he’ll be loaded and will be doing what he loves for a living.
As you can see, when men are too feminine, their lives suck. If you’re too feminine, you won’t have the sex life you want, you won’t be happy, and you won’t have the financial success that you want.
If you’re masculine, on the other hand, everything will naturally fall into place: your depression will be cured, because you’re not relying on your external environment to fix it, you just fix it yourself.
Your fear of talking to women? It’s because they’re influencing you. When you develop your masculinity, you’re the one who influences them. Your emotional state influences your external reality as opposed to women influencing your internal reality.
All of your problems will naturally fix themselves when you become more masculine.
That’s why I recently launched my eBook: 7 Strategies to Develop Your Masculinity.
After fixing most of my problems (or at least improving them drastically), I’ve come to realize that the only way that I was able to create lasting change was through developing masculine characteristics such as:
Once you develop these characteristics, all of your other problems will naturally fix themselves. Try it, and you will see. Be sure to leave any comments or questions below, as well—I love hearing from my followers, and I respond to all of them.
I hope that you guys enjoyed the article, and remember: nothing will change unless YOU make a change. So get to it, because this is your life, and it’s ending one second at a time.
Jon Anthony is a dating coach, fitness expert, and self-improvement guru. He dropped out of college to start Masculine Development in 2015, and has since been self-employed, helping men across the world achieve their best lives. You can best reach him on social media, or via email for questions.