Generating success in one area of life is hard enough…but all of them? How can that even be possible?
How can someone have an amazing sex life, a loaded bank account, a jacked physique, and most importantly, a fulfilling lifestyle?
Well, there’s no “one thing,” that will do it…but this secret that I’m about to share with you is probably the closest thing that there is to a magic key.
I first discovered this secret when I went to a seminar on “game,” interestingly enough…the guy talked a lot about dating advice, but he also talked a lot about business and life in general. He had an 8 figure business at the time, so I decided to take notes on everything that he said.
This secret isn’t going to be what you think it is…hell, at the time, my young and inexperienced mind didn’t really understand it either.
I was in a room of about 100 people, all of us young bucks eager to learn game and improve our lives…and then he said it. He said one thing, that forever changed my life. “Do you guys want to know the secret?” he asked.
Everyone became dead silent. “Well, do you?” he asked again. We responded with a resounding chorus of “YES!” to which he laughed, and said:
Always ask the following question: “How can I provide value?”
There was a long pause, and it seemed that people were let down. That’s it? How can that be it? How is that the “master key” to success? How does that help me?
Despite the simplicity of this concept, if you actually take the time to apply it to your life, you’ll see the wisdom in what he said.
You can apply this secret to all areas of your life. Whether you’re trying to meet the perfect girlfriend, build a million dollar business, get shredded, or just build a fulfilling lifestyle, just asking this one simple question as often as possible, will yield you massive results.
Value is kind of a vague term, because it depends a lot on the situation and the person we’re talking about. What’s valuable to one person, might not be valuable to another person, but in general there’s some things that everyone finds valuable.
For the most part, anything that gives us pleasure in the moment, or in the long run, has value. Sound confusing? Let me explain.
The most obvious form of value is money. Everyone wants more money, because you can use money to get the things that you want. So if I loan my friend $200, that’s providing value. If I take my girlfriend to a $300 restaurant, that’s providing value.
There’s more subtle forms of giving value, however. Sometimes giving value can just be something as simple as giving somebody a ride. It can be doing a small favor for someone, giving someone advice if they need it, or just listening to someone vent their feelings.
When you give your buddy a spot at the gym, that’s providing him with value. When you invite your friend to a cool party, that’s providing him with value. When you do a business deal with someone that’s a win-win, that’s providing him value.
…and although this may not seem like a big deal, it’s probably one of the biggest secrets to acing life. Let me give some examples of providing value, and then I’ll do one of my “Jon vs. Jerry” comparisons to really show how this concept will affect your life.
When I first started Masculine Development, I didn’t focus so much on earning money…instead, I focused on giving value.
I focused on putting out high quality content. I shared my experiences with women, money, health, and lifestyle. I aimed to provide the most possible value to men who were trying to improve their lives.
Even to this day, I still try to do this. When I came out with Body of an Alpha, I didn’t ask “How can I get rich?” I asked “How can I make a product SO HELPFUL that tons of people want to buy it?” This is the secret to getting wealthy.
I tried to create the best damn fitness eBook on the market, so that I could provide literally thousands of people with incredible insight and advice. This was my goal—and the money naturally came afterwards, but only because I focused so intensely on providing value first.
Don’t ask how you can earn money, ask how you can make something that will help so many people, that they WANT to buy it. Ask: “How can I provide value,” not “how can I TAKE value.”
This is why I respond to every single email that I get (unless it’s too long for me to read). It’s why I respond to 90% of the comments in my comments section, even if someone is butthurt or angry over something. It’s why I spend so much time engaging with my community.
I want to provide YOU with value, because I know that in the long run, you will reciprocate the value by buying my recommendations, purchasing my eBooks, or even signing up for coaching with me. When you provide others with value, it comes back to you 10 fold.
If you want the real secret to having a thriving social circle, meeting tons of cool dudes, and having sex with tons of hot women, here it is: provide as much value to as many people as possible. That’s it. It’s really that simple.
…and the best part? Most of the time, providing social value is free. You don’t need to be rich to be a good conversationalist. You don’t have to be a millionaire to invite friends to a party. You don’t have to drive a Maserati to be fun to hang out with.
Providing social value just means giving people more social access. It means inviting them out to events, bringing them along for cool parties, and going on fun trips with them. It’s about being a social connector.
If you have a friend that wants to get in shape, but doesn’t really know how, then go with him to the gym and teach him a few things. That’s providing MASSIVE value to him, that he’ll want to return to you in the future.
Or maybe you’ve got a friend that just moved to a new city. Invite him out to get a drink, match him up with a girl you know, or bring him along to a “comedy club,” that you go to every Tuesday or something. Just provide value.
When you provide value to others, it comes back to you 10 fold. When you always ask “How can I make this person’s day better?” everyone wants to be your friend, because they sense you have no hidden motives.
This concept might be difficult for you to understand, especially if you came from a very low vibration energy childhood…but I’m going to give some more in-depth examples in order to really shed some light on this idea of giving vs. taking.
Let’s say that Jon and Jerry both move to a new city. They’re both self-employed, they both have decent game, and they both work out. For the most part, they’ve both got their lives together…there’s just one difference.
Jon always asks: “How can I give?” while Jerry always asks: “How can I take?” This seemingly insignificant difference between these two men will have massive ramifications, as you’ll soon find out.
Say that Jon goes to the gym one day, as usual, and he sees someone struggling with his overhead press. So, Jon goes over and gives the guy a spot. “Come on man, just 2 more!” he yells. Even though Jon didn’t know the guy, he decided to offer value and help him out.
Because of this, the guy likes Jon. They get to talking, and it turns out they work out around the same time every day. Now Jon’s got a new workout partner, let’s call him Mike.
Jerry, on the other hand, sees the same guy struggling to get those last few reps out, and doesn’t really care. “I’m here to workout for ME, not for him.” So, he has a good workout, and goes home, but doesn’t make that new connection.
Jon, because of his outgoing and helpful attitude, makes a few friends at his gym. They all start working out together, they give each other advice and tips, and they share and sample each others supplements. Jon even offers them some of his meth-like pre-workouts.
Sooner or later, they start inviting him out to go clubbing, because he’s been so nice to them. Jerry, on the other hand, still goes out and practices game, but it’s usually by himself.
Jon is already more jacked, because he has workout partners to keep him accountable. They also help him get those last few reps out, which isn’t a lot at first, but over time adds up. Jerry, on the other hand, never offers to spot other people. He only takes.
One day, Jon sees an older guy struggling with his bench press. He used too much weight, and can’t lift the barbell off his chest. “Holy shit!” Jon thinks as he dashes over there. “Come on man, get it up!” he yells as he lifts the barbell off the man’s chest.
“Holy shit kid, thanks. You just saved my ass,” he says. They get to talking, and it turns out the old man is a millionaire…and he owns one of the hottest night clubs in the area. “Hey, come out tonight, it’s on me. I owe you,” he says.
So, later that night, Jon goes out to the guy’s nightclub…he walks right up to the VIP section where there’s bottle service, tables, and literally 5 gorgeous women for every 1 guy. “There you are, Jon!” the old man yells. “Girls, this guy saved my life earlier today!” he spouts. “Haha wow,” they say. “That’s so cool!”
Jon doesn’t need to be an expert in game to know that it’s on. He ends up pulling one of the girls, let’s say her name is Becca, and they have sex. Jon gets her number, and she seems really excited to see him around.
Jerry, on the other hand, never made that connection with the old man. He never got invited out to that nightclub, he never got VIP access, and he never went home with that gorgeous woman. Sure, he still learns game, but he isn’t NEARLY as successful as Jon.
Already, Jon has more friends, he’s more jacked from having so many gym partners, and he’s slept with more women, due to his social connections. One day, Jon is working out with Mike, his original gym buddy. In between sets, Mike says that he has a friend trying to find work.
“What for?” asks Jon. “Oh, he does photography, photoshoots, stuff like that. Says he’ll do it for cheap,” Mike says. Jon thinks for a moment, and asks Mike if the guy does fitness photoshoots. “Of course he does! That’s what he specializes in,” says Mike.
“Well, I’m going to put out a fitness eBook soon. Do you think he could take a shot for the cover?” Jon asks. And just like that, Jon made another connection that’s a win-win. He gets a cheap photographer, and he gives the struggling photographer some work.
During the photoshoot, Jon offers the guy a huge tip. “That’s so generous man,” the photographer thanks him. “No problem, man,” Jon says. “I remember what it was like being a struggling entrepreneur, so I figure I’ll help you out.”
The guy seems genuinely thankful, and again, because Jon was focused on GIVING, he will receive. “You know what? I’m doing a photoshoot for a bikini contest this Friday. I’ll ask my boss if you can get in for free.” Jon is ecstatic—free access to a bikini contest? That’s awesome.
Meanwhile, Jerry still works out alone, he still goes clubbing alone, and he still doesn’t have any major connections. Yes, he’s got some money, he’s got some girls, and he’s decently happy, but compared to Jon, it’s nothing.
I could go on and on, but I’m sure that you’re already starting to see how effective giving can be. Paradoxically, giving is the most Machiavellian thing that you could ever do, because it will improve your life far more than taking ever will.
We were only 3 months into the example, and you can already see how much better Jon’s life is getting…all because he focuses on being generous and helping other people, before he asks for help or favors himself.
This effect gets compounded over time, due to the slight edge effect. Those small favors that you do for people, those small connections that you make, and those small things you give, will slowly snowball over time and create an army of people who want to spend time with you, offer you value, and help you out.
“But wait, won’t people just take advantage of you?” someone might ask. I’d be delusional to claim that everyone will reciprocate—they won’t. A lot of people will just use you and won’t offer any value back, but do you know what?
That’s fine. Once you sense that they’re just using you, don’t offer them anymore value. By being so generous early on in your relationships, you’ll screen out the people who are just there for the perks. You’ll learn who will reciprocate very quickly.
Imagine how different your life would look after 1 year, 5 years, or even 30 years of giving before taking. Imagine the connections you’d make, the people you’d meet, the things you’d do, and the money you’d make.
Although there’s no “one magic thing,” that will make you successful, learning to give before you receive is probably the closest thing that there is to it. Learning to provide value to others will make them want to offer value to you in return.
I could write an entire book on this concept, but I hope that you can understand the general idea. Just 3 months of asking “how can I give value?” was enough to make a massive difference in Jon’s life. Meanwhile Jerry is stuck where he was 3 months ago.
When you learn to offer value to others, everything will magically fall into place. Your social life, your financial life, your lifestyle, and fulfillment…everything will just start to flow.
I know this may sound like some new-age nonsense, but it’s not. Try it, and you will see. As usual, if you guys have any questions, comments, or concerns, let me know in the comments section down below. And, as always, I’ll see you next time.
Jon Anthony is a dating coach, fitness expert, and self-improvement guru. He dropped out of college to start Masculine Development in 2015, and has since been self-employed, helping men across the world achieve their best lives. You can best reach him on social media, or via email for questions.