I’ve always had a fear of rejection for as long as I can remember. Whether it was being too scared to ask a girl out, or being afraid to go for that job I really wanted, I’ve always been terrified of being let down.
Unfortunately, too many guys let their fear of rejection stand in the way of their success. I’ve been brutally rejected in all areas of life, from my dating life to my financial life, but there’s one little trick I’ve learned along the way that’s helped me completely eliminate this fear of rejection.
Some people say the key is rejection therapy, others say that you should resort to anxiety-reducing drugs like Kratom or even prescriptions like Xanax…and while these all do work to an extent, there’s one “master key” that if you don’t have, you’ll never get over your fear of rejection.
I’ve used this master key to get over my fear of women rejecting me, fear of failure in business, and all manner of other fears…and the best part? It’s something that you can learn and apply in 10 seconds or less, guaranteed.
I remember the first time I got brutally rejected by a girl. I was already terrified of cold approach pickup, but somehow mustered up the courage to approach a girl I thought was cute and strike up a conversation. Do you know what she did to me right after I opened my mouth?
She didn’t tell me that she had a boyfriend. She didn’t politely excuse herself. She didn’t even tell me to go away. Before I could even get a sentence out of my mouth, she looked me dead in the eye and told me to “fuck off,” which was promptly followed by her dumping a drink on me.
Needless to say, this experience completely amplified my fear of rejection. After all, didn’t this confirm all of my rationales for being afraid of rejection? If shit like this happened on a regular basis (which it doesn’t, by the way) then fear of rejection is highly logical.
What I didn’t understand, however, is that rejection is in the eye of the beholder. There’s some very powerful reframe techniques that you can use to turn even the harshest of rejections (like the one above), into phenomenal learning experiences.
The “master key” to overcoming your fear of rejection is simple—like many things in game, it comes down to re-framing the situation. By learning to effectively reframe a seemingly negative situation into something more positive, you immediately lessen the sting of the rejection experienced.
This is what I call “Hardcore Reality Selection,” or “The Art of the Re-Frame.” It’s the idea that all rejections, no matter how brutal, fear-inducing, or embarrassing, aren’t actually rejections. Yes, that’s right—every single time you’ve been rejected, you haven’t ACTUALLY been rejected. Do you know why?
When somebody rejects you, it’s simply a statement of who they are; it’s feedback, it’s data, and it’s insight into their mind. Every time a girl rejects you, she’s giving you feedback. What did you do wrong, and what could you have done differently?
Every time a girl rejects you, or your boss turns you down for that promotion, it’s simply a statement of what they value. Maybe you’re not “their type,” or maybe you’re simply too good for the position that they needed to fill. There’s an infinite number of reasons why your “rejection” was actually anything but.
If you’ve ever hung around guys who have killer game, you’ll always notice one thing—it’s almost like nothing phases them. Every single little fucking thing is reframed in such a way that it actually BOOSTS their state, rather than drains it. This is hardcore reality selection.
A girl rejects me? Pffft, pathetic—she’s too stupid to see how incredibly high value I am. Pathetic. Worthless. Some girl tells me she has a boyfriend, and doesn’t want to hang out? Damn, it must be that I’m so fucking sexy she knows that she wouldn’t be able to resist fucking me if we hung out.
This is the level of delusion you must cultivate if you wish to succeed. Be like Kanye—bitch, I am God. As ridiculous as it sounds, brainwashing yourself into having such a positive view of yourself is actually pretty beneficial to helping you achieve your goals.
Now obviously you still want to stay in touch with reality. You don’t want to become so delusional that you turn into a Patrick Bates-esque psychopath. At the same time however, there’s certainly something liberating about being able to interpret everything in a way that helps you.
You’re already interpreting things you don’t truly understand, and ascribing motives to others that you don’t really know exist, aren’t you? So why not make them help you? Why not put them in your favor? You would be a fool not to do so.
I recall going to a party a couple years ago, where some SERIOUS drama unfolded. I discussed this briefly in a video, but what happened is I ran into a girl I’d fucked before. She discovered I have this blog, and because she was a super SJW-type, she flew off the fucking handle.
She berated me, called me a piece of shit, told me that I was an asshole…the works. She was yelling at me in the middle of the party, and then when I opened my mouth to simply say “I’m not sexist,” she smacked me in the fucking face and stormed off.
Most guys would’ve been completely torn apart after something like this, but do you know what I did? I used hardcore reality selection. Rather than interpreting the event in the worst way possible, I did all kinds of mental gymnastics to interpret it in a positive light.
“Haha, now all the girls here know she’s crazy over me and we’ve fucked. Nice, that’s some great pre-selection right there,” I thought to myself. “If I remain calm and don’t let her mood affect me, others will wonder who the hell this guy is that’s so confident.”
…and it worked. I went home with that girl’s best friend just an hour later. I used the drama to my advantage, and ended up scoring a hot girl that night (which only created more drama, of course). Would I rather have avoided the drama? Obviously, but if it happens, why not use hardcore reality selection to turn it in your favor?
Another time I was chilling in the hot tub at my gym. I’d just gotten done with a particularly grueling workout, and decided to take it easy for a few minutes. Upon seeing a cute little brunette walk into the hot tub, I decided to try and get her number.
She gave me her number, and then walked away to go talk to her friends. I caught her pointing at me, and her friends were looking at me. What do you think a lot of guys would have thought in this situation? Probably the worst—it’s what we tend to do.
“Oh no, now they think I’m a player!” or “Uh oh, they’re all laughing at me!” they’d think. Nope, not me—again, I’ve worked hard to cultivate an almost delusional sense of grandeur, so when I saw them all talking and looking at me, I simply assumed the best. “They probably all want to fuck me.”
Is this narcissistic? Fuck yeah it is, but so what? If you don’t know someone’s motivations or intentions, why not choose the best interpretation that will help your confidence and success? Many will decry this as being too “out of touch,” but the truth is that reality is what you make of it.
Simply learning how to reframe a situation can do wonders for your fear of rejection. You got rejected by a girl? No worries, she wasn’t right for you anyway. You got rejected by another girl? Wow, she was too dumb to see what an incredibly cool guy you are, so that sucks for her.
Whatever it is that’s got you down—be it family, friends, women, or life—there’s always a way to put a positive spin on it. See the silver lining. Do the mental gymnastics. Do whatever it takes to boost your confidence and get the results that you want and need.
This is one of the paradoxes of self-development, though. You must create reality on one hand, but on the other acknowledge objectivity. Some people go too far in one direction, but as masters of self-development, we must be masters of nuance.
When you aren’t sure of someone’s intentions, frame them in a way that helps you improve. Believe the beliefs that empower you rather than dis-empower you—because even if you’re wrong, if they help you make more money, date more money, and have a better life, then who really cares?
Jon Anthony is a dating coach, fitness expert, and self-improvement guru. He dropped out of college to start Masculine Development in 2015, and has since been self-employed, helping men across the world achieve their best lives. You can best reach him on social media, or via email for questions.