Chances are, you want to know how to kiss a girl the right way, and you want a step by step guide to do it. That’s what I’m giving you today.
I vividly remember my first kiss many years ago—I was 14 at the time, and I’d met a beautiful girl named Michaela at my local pool.
She was 13, and although she was a year younger, she was FAR more experienced than I was. She basically guided me through everything.
Now, at age 25, I’ve come a long way—from cute childhood crush, to world renowned pickup artist, here are my thoughts on how to kiss a girl.
Now, before we get into the nitty gritty about getting your make out session here, we need to cover some important foundations first.
There’s a few things you should know before you try to kiss a girl—if you have any of these things wrong, she will probably reject your kiss.
Some important pre-kissing fundamentals:
If you neglect any of these things, she will not kiss you back. So, if you’re trying to get your first kiss don’t get rejected—just listen up.
I don’t want to harp on this topic too much, but it’s really important that you understand the basics of kissing a girl.
If you have perfect foundations, know how to flirt, and get your physical appearance down, kissing will be easy as hell (trust me on this).
If your physical appearance sucks, you don’t have privacy, and there’s 50 people watching you, you will NOT get the kiss—period!
It doesn’t matter if you’re Brad Pitt. If you’re in the middle of a crowded cafe, she’s not going to make out with you. Understand this.
If you want to kiss a girl you like, without dating her for months before it happens, you really need to take this tip right to heart.
Don’t pay attention to all these fancy tips you find online—there’s quizzes asking what type of kisser you are, lists of 50 different “advanced tips” on how to use your tongue, and tons of other stupid bullshit.
The BIGGEST thing you need to know RIGHT NOW, is that none of that stuff matters if you can’t even CHARM your crush to begin with.
It doesn’t matter how good you are with your tongue—if you can’t flirt with and charm the girl you’re dating, she’s not going to fucking kiss you!
The most important part of the perfect first kiss, ironically enough, isn’t even the kiss itself—it’s warming her up to ensure she likes you.
You should know exactly how to turn a girl on (read that article), because if you can turn her on, getting the kiss is easy.
Don’t try to go for the kiss right away. Women take time to get turned on, so spend at least a few minutes talking to her and flirting with her.
The ONLY exception to this rule is if you’re an experienced pickup artist who can do “instant make outs” at night clubs. I’ve done this before, and it’s fun as hell once you get the hang of it, but the learning curve is steep.
The best way to get a girl ready for some serious tongue action is to flirt with her and build chemistry for at least 10-15 minutes beforehand.
Try negging her if she seems un-receptive—but be warned, because the negging strategy usually only works on models, and backfires a lot.
Anyways, spend most of your time just ensuring that you have some privacy, and are having a good first date—this is critical.
It doesn’t matter how good your kissing technique is—if your dating game sucks, and she’s bored out of her mind, she’s not going to kiss you!
If you want to get a girl to like you, become a master at the art of flirting. Tease her, test her, tell her one moment you hate her, and the next you love her—all in a playful and flirtatious way.
It doesn’t have to take years or even months. In fact, it may only take one good first date, if you know how to talk to girls in a flirty way.
It’s more of an art than a science, and it takes some natural charm, but if you read the articles on my blog, you’ll be kissing her in no time.
This is another one of those really obvious tips that most people just don’t even realize. Make sure you actually look kissable!
Here’s some tips to be more kissable:
Many years ago, I had my first kiss in the middle of the woods. If I was with that girl in public, she wouldn’t have kissed me, no matter what.
The reason why is simple. Women don’t want to be judged by other people, and if they make out with you in public, they will usually be judged.
Again, there’s exceptions—one major exception is at a night club when everyone is drunk, making out, and having fun.
But if you met a girl on Tinder, for example, using my epic Tinder guide, you’ll probably be on a coffee date to start.
If this is the case, don’t try to kiss her in the coffee shop—invite her to your place for a drink, and kiss her there.
Just this small tweak in your game will increase your success rate massively, because women want privacy if they’re going to kiss you.
While learning how to kiss a girl is extremely important to avoid any sort of awkwardness, there’s actually something that’s even more important.
That’s learning to tell WHEN she even wants to be kissed in the first place. If you can’t do this, then you’re just fumbling around in the dark.
It doesn’t matter how good your kissing skills are if she doesn’t want to be kissed—then you’re just looking for an awkward moment.
Before you go in for the kiss, you want to make sure that she’s sufficiently attracted to you and actually does like you.
This can be accomplished specifically by looking for indicators of interest, which are signs a woman gives off that she’s attracted to you.
Here’s some signs she wants to kiss you:
There’s a ton of IOI’s (indicators of interest) to keep an eye out for, but those are some of the biggest ones. In my experience, once a girl demonstrates 2-3 IOI’s, she’s most likely ready to be kissed.
Of course, there’s always exceptions to this, which is why social calibration is important. But in general, a high number of IOI’s means she wants to be kissed.
Another key factor in knowing how to kiss a girl is the LOCATION that you plan to kiss her in. Far too many guys believe that all locations are the same, and they couldn’t be more WRONG.
When it comes to kissing her, there’s certain “acceptable” places to do it, and certain “unacceptable” places to do it.
Some perfect kissing locations would be:
Generally anywhere that you can be alone with her, or any sort of sexualized environment (nightclubs, raves, etc.), is going to be ideal for kissing her. So if you’re on a first date at Starbucks, for example, consider pulling her to a better location before you go in for the move.
Just as important as knowing a good location to get the first kiss, is knowing where NOT to try and give her some tongue, so you don’t get rejected.
The biggest thing is PRIVACY. If you don’t have privacy and you’re in public, she’s not going to want to kiss you, no matter how charming you are.
Here’s some examples of where NOT to kiss her:
Hopefully you get the point by now. In general, you want your kissing location to be private, so that she’s more comfortable.
As a quick side note, guys with EXTREME game (think rock stars and celebrities such as Russel Brand) can get away with kissing girls pretty much anywhere, but that’s just because their SMV is so high.
For the average woman, it’s embarrassing to kiss in front of other people, so you want to ensure you’re somewhere private before you try it.
Once you’ve screened her for attraction to you, and once you’re in an ideal location to start making out, there’s a couple things to keep in mind.
There’s two types of kisses to be aware of:
Each of these kisses has its own pros and cons, but in general, if you’re trying to get your first kiss, doing the smooth kiss method is best.
If it’s your first time trying to kiss her, I recommend the smooth kiss. This is where you slowly move closer, in a smooth, calibrated way.
For many women, this is the perfect first kiss. It’s slow, steady, and not overly passionate with a bunch of tongue or anything like that.
I’ll offer more details down below, but the basic idea is that you steer the conversion into flirting with her, and keep talking while you go in for the kiss—this “distracts” her logical mind with words, while you act.
The lunge kiss, on the other hand, is just like it sounds—you basically lunge at her, pin her up against the wall, and start making out with her.
This is usually what you DON’T want to do if it’s your first kiss, because a lot of girls might get freaked out when you get too passionate too fast.
This can work very well for guys who are HIGHLY socially calibrated, but if you do this on a girl that does not want to be kissed, get ready for a majorly awkward rejection—and possible her running away.
The “smooth kiss” should be your bread and butter, because it’s the perfect first kiss in the eyes of most women. I also prefer this method.
There’s a time for the “lunge kiss,” but that’s only if you’ve been dating for a while, and there’s some passion between you two.
Here’s how to be a smooth kisser:
The idea is that there’s zero sudden movements. You just steer the conversation in the direction you want it to go in, and kiss her.
The magic lies in two important things—being PHYSICALLY smooth, and also being EMOTIONALLY and LOGICALLY smooth.
If you’re just physically smooth (read: slow) and randomly stop talking while you move in close, she might find it really creepy.
If you’re only emotionally and logically smooth, you can talk and flirt really well, but can’t get physically closer to her to actually kiss.
It’s when the two are COMBINED that it becomes smooth kissing.
When you’re kissing a girl using this method, you don’t want to make any sudden jerky movements. This is uncalibrated and startling.
You want to be slow, but confident—this is what girls call “being smooth.” It’s when you can escalate without engagement or awkwardness.
When you move closer to her, do it slowly but surely. When you go in for the kiss, slowly put your hand on the side of her head, and slowly go in for the kiss. Don’t just randomly jolt forward and smack your lips on hers—take your time and be smooth.
The second aspect, and arguably the more important aspect, is to CONTINUE TALKING while you’re going in for the kiss. While this may sound counter-intuitive, it actually works extremely well if you know how to flirt even a little.
The reason you continue talking while you go in for the kiss, is it occupies her logical mind with conversation—and NOT with rejecting you or saying no. If you can flirtatiously steer the conversation towards kissing her WITHOUT saying it, that’s even better.
The biggest tip I have to avoid a bad first kiss, is to simply LOOK for the signs that your crush is actually interested in kissing you.
One way to test this, is to look at her lips, then look back up at her eyes. Do this a few times, and see if she looks down at your lips, too.
If the girl you’re dating DOES look back at your lips, it usually means she is under your charm and is wants to kiss you back.
Always use this tip before you kiss a girl for the first time—it’s never failed me, ever. If she looks back down at your lips, she is interested in kissing.
There’s also a few other ways that you can test to see if she wants to be kissed. Gentlemen, do yourselves a favor and memorize all of these—they will save you a ton of rejections and awkwardness in the future if you can use them properly.
The first method is to simply look at her lips very quickly in the middle of a conversation. This will sexualize the air, and let her know what’s clearly on your mind. She will notice, trust me. If she looks back down at your lips, she wants to be kissed. If she doesn’t? Wait a little bit longer and try again.
The second way is to cup your hand and parse her hair behind her ear, gently brushing her cheek. If she either moves towards your hand, or looks up at you, then she wants to be kissed. If she moves away from your hand, or looks away, she probably needs more time to warm up to you.
Sometimes with shy girls especially, they’ll look down at the ground when you try to kiss them. This doesn’t necessarily mean that she doesn’t want to be kissed (although it can). In this situation, I’ll gently grab her chin and pull it up to face me. If she resists, don’t persist. If she complies, then continue.
I know I dropped a lot of knowledge on you today, but the truth is that kissing a girl is incredibly simple. Once you arm yourselves with these little tricks and things to look out for, kissing a girl at the right time and in the right way is as easy as pie.
The biggest thing to remember, at least in my opinion, is to keep talking while you go in for the kiss. If you can steer the conversation in the direction of kissing her, without explicitly SAYING it, this will leave every girl breathless over how “smooth” you are to her.
If you’re looking for a quick, easy way to 10x your attractiveness to women, then look no further than my 7 Strategies to Develop Your Masculinity. It fixes the underlying problem with your game, by making you more MASCULINE, and thus far more naturally attractive to women.
As always, I hope you guys enjoyed the article. Feel free to leave any comments, questions, or concerns in the section down below…and I’ll see you next time!
Before you try to kiss her, make sure your lips are moisturized from using chap stick, and make sure that your grooming is down. Try to wear a nice cologne, be dressed somewhat nicely, and just go for the kiss from there.
This method has never failed me. Simply look her deep in the eyes, then look down at her lips, then look back up at her eyes. If she looks down at YOUR lips, then she is definitely interested in kissing you. If not, keep charming her until she is.
The best time to kiss a girl is when you're both in a good mood, ideally after a good first date, and you're both alone, as well. You want some privacy when you go in for the kiss, so either at your place or at her place is the best time to do it.
Jon Anthony is a dating coach, fitness expert, and self-improvement guru. He dropped out of college to start Masculine Development in 2015, and has since been self-employed, helping men across the world achieve their best lives. You can best reach him on social media, or via email for questions.
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