So, just how do you get a girl’s number? This is a question that many men struggle with, and whether you’re just trying to have a better sex life in general, or get a specific girl’s number, I believe that this article will solve your problem. But first I’m going to tell you a story…I think it will clarify my point.
Several days ago, I woke up around noon, after a late night. “Ugh fuck,” I murmured as I awoke to a pounding headache. I decided to go to my local organic market and get some fresh squeezed vegetable juice and a fish sandwich, so I got up, got out of bed, and slipped on some sweatpants and a t-shirt. I slid my feet into my Minnetonka slippers, grabbed my keys and wallet, and headed out the door.
As I got in line to order my beet, apple, and kale juice blend, I saw a sexy little blonde thing right in front of me. “Hey,” I said. She smiled, and said “hey,” back. I ordered my juice, and went next door to order a fish sandwich. I sat outside and, what do you know, the same sexy blonde girl was there with an equally sexy Latina girl.
I sat there, and didn’t give a fuck. I was just happily sipping my juice, chilling outside in the nice sunlight. I literally could not care whether there were women next to me or not. I saw some girl walk by with a “Hogwarts Alumni,” T-shirt on, and I shouted out: “That’s a great university!”
She didn’t respond, which was kind of weird, but the girls next to me started giggling. “Haha, she had a shirt that said ‘Hogwarts Alumni’ on, but I guess she didn’t hear me.” From here, they engaged ME: “No way, I love Harry Potter haha,” she said. And like that, it was on.
BUT, and here’s what’s really important, I still didn’t give a fuck. It was nice that they were talking to me, but I was content in my own life.
Over the next few minutes they slowly meandered back to talking amongst themselves, and occasionally one of them would open me again, and we’d chit chat. Then, they’d go back to talking amongst themselves. This happened several times, before they got up to leave. “It was nice meeting you!” the blonde girl said.
“Yeah, you too.” I replied. She just stared at me, as if to say “Take my number you dummy!” I quickly saw this, and said: “Oh, uh—by the way, can I grab your number? Let’s go do yoga some time” (we’d talked about yoga before). “Sure!” she put my number in her phone (my hands were covered in fish sandwich grease) and happily walked away.
This is drastically different than what 99% of PUA culture claims will actually get you women. Tons of guys have these weird misconceptions about what women are attracted to, and it’s time to set them straight.
If this was some PUA story, it’d go somewhat like this:
Dude, are you fucking retarded? Okay—to be fair this is a bit of an exaggeration, but it’s not far from how most online pickup gurus portray themselves. And do you know what?
In reality, if a guy tried to pull that shit he would’ve lost the second he sat down next to her. This is not how you get a girl’s number.
Why? Well, she would’ve seen this guy checking her out, and then sitting down next to her. What does that tell her, right off the bat? “This guy thinks I’m hot, but he’s too afraid to be direct and talk to me.”
Any attraction she had for him would be lost just like that. And don’t even get me started on the retarded-ass “alpha posturing” game that most guys play. Let’s dissect how I got her number, and more importantly, why she wanted me to take it.
Let’s start from the beginning—what I put on that day. If you recall, I wasn’t wearing anything fancy or expensive. Just a black t-shirt, some sweatpants, and a pair of slippers. A lot of guys have the assumption that you need to be decked out in fancy designer clothes, dress shoes, have a Rolex, and some other nonsense if you want to get girls. This is absolute bullshit.
Yes—wearing cool and stylish accessories helps, but you absolutely don’t need it to get girls.
Don’t believe me? Go out to your local night club on a Friday or Saturday night, and you’ll see something every single god damn time. Middle aged men trying to get girls with their Gucci suit jackets and $15,000 watches. And do you know what?
It doesn’t fucking work. Girls are attracted to decisiveness, confidence, social calibration, and positivity more than anything else. Style is just the icing on top of the cake.
Anyways, let’s get back to the story. So right off the bat, I met this girl in line while getting our green juices. I saw her, and she clearly saw me checking her out, so just the fact that I said “hey,” already put me in the top 5% of guys.
What would most guys have done? They would’ve eyed the shit out of her, and not said a single word. It would’ve been creepy, too—most guys are really creepy without even realizing it. They stare at a girl and don’t even talk to her.
Just the fact that I said “Hey,” set me apart from most other guys. And what’s more, was how I said it. I’ll get more to this later, but basically the idea is that girls are WAY better at picking up on your own emotions than you are.
Some girls even know what you’re feeling better than you do, because men are so out of touch with their emotions. But basically, the way I said “Hey,” communicated the light-hearted, positive, devil-may-care, happy emotions that I was feeling. That’s why she smiled and said “hey,” back.
Did she want me to hit on her? Maybe—but I decided not to hit on her in the middle of the juice line, because I shop there all the time and don’t want to get a reputation for being “that guy who tries to get girls at the market.” And she probably understood this (girls are a lot smarter than most guys think). So, right off the bat, she understands that I have social calibration.
Now, here’s where you really have to pay attention. I didn’t use any “pickup tactics,” or “one-liners,” or any stupid bullshit like that. Yes, obviously there’s certain canned liners that you can memorize that make it easy when you’re new to picking up girls, but this is just a crutch and you want to use them sparingly.
Here’s the big secret: to get a girl’s number, you just have to be content. You don’t need good looks, you don’t need ridiculous amounts of wealth, and you don’t need to be some perfect guy. You just have to be content.
That’s it. Yes, building a shredded physique, being 6 feet tall, having a handsome face, and making a ton of money all certainly help you generate attraction, but they aren’t necessary. This is the big secret that marketers won’t tell you—women actually value looks far less than you think.
Marketers want to sell you different cars, colognes, skincare products, and other things, and they do it by convincing you that you’ll get more women. Think about it—why else would someone go $10,000 in debt to buy a Mercedes? Why else would some poor schmuck buy a $500 designer jacket when he can barely afford end’s meet? Because he thinks it’ll get him that amazing girlfriend that he wants.
Now, with this in mind, let’s go over what happened when I was outside and the events that led to her wanting me to take her number. First things first, I got outside and sat at the table next to them. I put my feet up on one of the chairs, laid back, and casually sipped on my green juice. Life was good.
I was content, and didn’t really pay attention to the girls next to me. They could have been checking me out, but I wouldn’t have known, because I was too busy just being happy and not giving a fuck. I was just soaking up the sunshine, taking in some deep breaths, and relaxing—I wasn’t trying to figure out how to get their numbers, I was just enjoying my life.
Now, when I say “don’t give a fuck,” or “not giving a fuck,” I don’t mean it in a negative way—not giving a fuck simply means being content whether or not things go your way. You just don’t really care, because you’re happy as it is.
This is where 99% of guys misinterpret this stuff. They think “Oh, I shouldn’t give a fuck! So I’ll just be a massive dick!” No, dude. There’s a difference. I was still nice to the girls and chatted with them, but when I say I didn’t give a fuck, I mean I didn’t care if they were into me or not.
I wasn’t desperate for their attention, I didn’t NEED anything from them. I was just talking because I WANTED to talk. So when I shouted out “That’s a great university!” and they started giggling, what would most guys have done? They would’ve shouted out: “UHH—God what a bitch, she just ignored me,” or something along those lines.
AKA “I’m insecure as fuck and was complementing her T-Shirt because I desperately craved her attention.” But I didn’t do that. Again, I didn’t give a fuck. “Haha, she had a Hogwarts Alumni t-shirt on, but I guess she didn’t hear me.” I don’t assume that she’s ignoring me, I assume she just didn’t hear me. This is crucial—it shows I’m not coming from a negative, bitter, or angry place, but rather I assume the best in people.
This is important, because typically men who get upset over dumb little things, women ignoring them, etc. don’t have high self-esteem, and this is a huge turnoff to women. Whenever a guy gets upset over ridiculous little things, it says a lot about his character, and the thought that goes through a woman’s mind is: “If this guy gets upset over something so small, is he really that big of a deal?”
By not really caring that she ignored me (or didn’t hear me), I showed the girls that I had high self-esteem, didn’t sweat the little things, wasn’t needy for her attention, and generally had success with women (hence why it didn’t phase me when she didn’t respond, because I know I’m the shit and most other women would have responded).
That’s why they giggled. From there we started talking about a few different things, and then they started sort of meandering back to their own conversation. This is the second major point—most guys would have desperately tried to join their conversation. They would’ve awkwardly shouted something out to bring them back, so to speak, like “UH—SO ARE YOU FROM THE AREA?”
Not that asking that question is bad, but if the girls just want to talk with each other, why not let them talk with each other? If you get needy and desperate for their attention, they’ll become unattracted to you. Interestingly enough, that’s why they opened me—they could sense that I didn’t really care if they wanted me or not.
Remember when I said before that after they meandered back to talking amongst themselves, they opened me for a second time? And then it happened again, a third time?
This was basically a passive form of a shit test. They were testing me, either consciously or unconsciously, to see if I would get needy and worry that they don’t like me, and say a bunch of stuff to try to get them talking to me again. I didn’t sweat it, because I know how to pass shit tests. I just thought “Meh, I’m happy all by myself with this post hangover beet juice. They can talk with each other if they want.”
And they sensed that. They could tell I wasn’t really needy for their attention, and that I didn’t really care if they liked me or not. I was just myself. That’s why they opened me—after they chit chatted for a few minutes, the Latina said “Hahaha I thought you were drinking beer for a second.” She was making a reference to the cold brew coffee I was drinking that comes in a beer bottle shaped bottle.
“Haha nah, it’s coffee….no just kidding I’m an alcoholic, it’s noon, and I need my third drink of the day.” They started giggling. We chatted for a while, back and forth, and they meandered back to talking amongst themselves once again. But AGAIN, I didn’t get needy and try to steal their attention back. I wasn’t desperate to join their conversation. I just didn’t care. That’s why, again, after a few minutes, the blonde girl asked me if I was from the area.
Again—the girls re-opened me for a second time. Why? Because I wasn’t needy. I was completely happy by myself and wasn’t desperate for their attention (like most guys).
And again, they could sense that. Women are fine-tuned to sense when a man isn’t needy or desperate, for a few reasons, but mainly because it communicates he’s probably sleeping with other girls, which equates to high status. Like I said, after that she took my number, but let’s talk a little bit more about why she was attracted to me.
I realize that this can be a radical mindset shift for many men, but in a nutshell, she was attracted to me because I just felt really happy. That’s it. This is how you get girls. To be fair, it’s a little bit more complicated than that, however, but it all boils down to you just being very content with yourself.
This manifests itself as non-neediness, being outgoing, assuming attraction, and being positive. All women, not just the blonde girl, are attracted to these characteristics. I’ll give a brief introduction as to why using evolutionary biology.
Okay, so women are attracted to men who will help them and their offspring survive. The problem is that our bodies don’t know we’re living in civilization; they’re programmed to believe we’re living in a tribal society. This is why women are attracted to “alpha males,”—it’s because alpha males were typically the leaders of the tribe. That meant the other men looked up to them, so whichever women slept with the alpha male would have additional protection, plus she would have better access to resources such as food, water, or clothing.
But how is a woman to figure out if a man’s an alpha male? Well, by judging your personality. Alpha males act a certain way, because they know they’re alpha males. And one of the ways that alpha males act, is just not giving a fuck. Why would you care what two women thought about you when you’re sleeping with a dozen other women, you’re making bank, and you’re perpetually happy? You wouldn’t—and again, not in a negative way.
Alpha males are still be nice to the women, and maybe you’d want to sleep with them, but if they weren’t interested, it wouldn’t be a big deal. And that’s exactly the “vibe” that the two girls got from me.
I obviously thought they were attractive—the blonde girl knew that from the second I said “Hey” in line to get my beet juice. But despite my attraction, they could see I didn’t really care if they weren’t interested. This can be difficult for a lot of guys to understand. You have to show a girl that you’re attracted, but simultaneously not care if she is attracted back. This is one of the many paradoxes within the world of game.
And it’s hard to do. Especially when you’re first starting out. Even now, I still have trouble with it—it hurts your ego when girls reject you. But that’s fine, because every rejection turns you into a better man. Every rejection will teach you how to get a girls number in the future. Regardless, the key to attracting women is to just be happy, outgoing, positive, content, and non-needy. Those are the emotional characteristics of an alpha male.
Just to recap, there’s a plethora of alpha male emotions, but they all come down to just being content. This contentedness manifests itself as non-neediness, happiness, being outgoing, not giving a fuck, and just a general sense of positivity and good emotions.
These emotions won’t be developed overnight. For a lot of guys, it takes years to develop these emotions, but it’s completely possible to start today. Here’s a few tricks and habits that you can use to start developing “alpha emotions.”
Meditation basically trains your brain to stay present. What this means is that you won’t dwell in the past or worry about the future. Sound kind of weird? Yeah, I know, but meditation is perhaps the number one way to improve your game, for a very simple reason: you’re not worrying about what the girl will think or do. You’re just in the present moment, unconcerned about the future.
If you recall, this is exactly the same mindset that made those girls attracted to me: not giving a fuck. Meditation teaches you to let go of negative emotions, and to generate positive ones. I personally meditate around 40 minutes a day, sometimes even more. For a quick, step-by-step introduction, check out my no bullshit guide to meditation.
Having a hobby that you enjoy is perhaps one of the easiest ways to develop a sense of positivity and good emotions. After all, if every day you come home from work and jam on the guitar or work on restoring that old Ford Mustang, how could you not be happy?
Having a hobby is a great way to build a social circle (more on this later), too. You can attend different hobbyist conventions, join groups dedicated to your hobby, and meet other like-minded individuals. Having a hobby will ensure that you always have an outlet. If you’re feeling upset or frustrated, you can turn to your hobby and it will change your mood in just a few minutes.
In fact, there’s a ton of hobbies that women find extremely attractive. From playing the guitar to cooking masterful meals to dirt-biking, try to integrate hobbies into your life that will make it easy for you to naturally be happy. I recommend you have at least 2 hobbies that you really enjoy, and practice them every week.
Doing some sort of physical activity is absolutely crucial for you to feel happy. Our bodies were meant to run around, jump, and fight, and when they don’t get those things, they start to deteriorate. Whenever guys come to me, asking how they can change their life, the first thing I typically ask them is: “Are you working out?” If the answer is no, I tell them to start immediately.
Working out is probably the easiest way to improve your mood and help combat depression. In addition to this, developing a jacked physique will also give you confidence, AND make it easier to talk to women. Yes, women don’t care that much about looks, but they’ll give you more room to screw up if you’re attractive. If you’re new to game I urge you to work out.
If you want, you can check out my fitness routine, Body of an Alpha. It’s the fastest way to get YOU the jacked, shredded physique that women find attractive—but don’t take my word for it. Try it out and see for yourself just how fast you can transform your body.
For overall well-being and happiness, I recommend the Bulletproof Diet. Now, to be fair I’ve had great success with it, but I’m sure there’s certain people that don’t function well in ketosis—some people function better with high carb diets, and others (like Inuits) function best on almost entirely fat and protein based diets.
Regardless, I find that I perform pretty well when I’m in ketosis (the Bulletproof Diet)…but you have to follow it to a T. Don’t just do half of the diet, because it doesn’t work that way. It’s meant to be followed in its entirety, not like a “pick and choose,” buffet. If you don’t feel like doing the bulletproof diet, at the very least incorporate a lot of vegetables and healthy fats into your diet. Once your body adjusts (1-2 weeks), you’ll feel a noticeable increase in your energy levels and emotional state.
Those four things aren’t the only strategies to develop alpha male emotions—in fact, there’s a ton of things you can do in order to start developing good game. I can’t cover them all in this article, though, because there’s way too many.
The best way to start getting girls’ numbers is to just go and learn for yourself. You can’t get a girl’s number just sitting around on the internet, you have to actually go out to bars, nightclubs, and social venues if you want to learn. Sure, come back and read my blog to get tips and advice, but knowledge without action is meaningless.
If you guys have any questions, comments, or concerns, let me know—I love hearing from my followers. I genuinely hope that you guys put this article to use, and that you enjoyed it. I’ll see you all next time.
Jon Anthony is a world renowned dating coach and the founder of Masculine Development, a website specifically dedicated to helping men improve their personal, dating, and financial lives. After years of training men how to attract women, build muscle, and make more money, Jon created the "7 Strategies" program to help kickstart your journey to success. Jon firmly believes that every man should have control over his own life, and he created Masculine Development to share his passion with men who want success in all areas.