What’s up, guys—recently I got a question from a reader about discovering your passion:
“…it seems I don’t have any passions at all in life… because I have been honestly trying to find passion for years now (I’m 27) but I haven’t been able to find anything. Maybe I’m just going through a depressing time in life since everything just seems dreary/dull and the more I try to find any sort of passion, the more lost and confused I get because I still can’t find anything remotely interesting to me.”
I asked him a few questions, and we went back and forth…but I decided that rather than responding to his email I would just make an article so that we can all learn from this.
If you are having trouble finding your passion, get the fuck in here. You need to read this.
Upon receiving this man’s email, let’s call him Mike, I was concerned. As someone who has struggled a lot in my life with finding a meaning and passion, I could definitely relate to his story.
I asked him a few questions to rule out some preliminary causes:
The reason why I asked these questions, was because they’re typically the biggest causes of depression and a lack of passion. As I discussed in my epic article on curing depression, repressed emotions from your childhood, your health and fitness, and your social life, must all be properly managed if you want to be happy.
He responded with the following:
Okay. So now that we’re all on the same page, let’s get to helping this man find his passion.
But first, a more basic question must be answered.
Passion is one of those things that’s hard to describe, but you sure as fuck know it when you feel it…and it feels amazing.
It feels like you’re awake for the first time…like your whole life prior has been just a dream. It charges you with an amazing energy that words can’t even describe, and suddenly gives your life a purpose.
For some men, it’s changing the world by building sustainable agriculture in third world villages around the world. For others, it’s expressing vital elements of the human condition through song and dance. And for others still, it’s helping young men improve their lives, in all areas.
But do you know what the one thing these have in common is?
They’re focused on the external. Nobody is passionate about themselves; that’s called arrogance. People are passionate about something outside of themselves, whether it be geography, or doing research on primates (like Jane Goodall) or writing fiction or WHATEVER…it’s always something that’s outside of them.
I honestly believe that this is because passion is finding how you can contribute to the human experience; it’s discovering what role you can play in making the world a better place.
And it is for this reason, that passion typically comes from the same place…
If you’ve been reading the books that I recommend, you may have stumbled upon this little line by Robert Bly:
“Your greatest gift to the world will emerge from the deepest wound that the world gave you.”
Re-read that quote five times. Yes, go ahead and do it now.
This is perhaps one of the most profound quotes in existence, because it completely encompasses the origins of passion. This is why the life coach has a passion for helping others take life to the next level.
It’s why the musician has a passion for music and it’s why the psychologist has a passion for helping others.
They all went through something as a child that deeply hurt them; and now they wish to remove this evil from the world, because they can relate to it.
Plenty of life coaches, self-improvement gurus, and self-help teachers all had horrible childhoods. Plenty of musicians are depressed, and want to share their feelings with the world, so that others can relate.
And tons of psychologists were abused as children; they seek to help others, because they wish they received help when they needed it most.
The point is that if you want to find your passion, you must look deep and find your deepest wound.
How did the world hurt you? What did it do to wound you? Look there, and you will find your passion.
As much as I would like finding your passion to be as easy as just uncovering your wounds, sometimes, it isn’t that simple.
Maybe you lived a dull, dreary, drab life as a kid—nothing horrible really happened, but nothing great really happened either.
If this is the case, you need to shake things the fuck up.
You haven’t found your passion, because you haven’t experienced a wide enough range of emotions. Experiencing a huge spectrum of emotions will do wonders for helping you to discover your passion.
Sell all of your things and become a wandering mini-van driver. Quit your job and fly to Tibet to train with the Buddhist monks. Join the Peace Corps. Take a hit of acid and wander around in Yellowstone National Park. Just. Do. Something.
Do something different that SHAKES your reality tunnel up from the inside out; something radically different, that you’ve never done before.
Do something that scares you, something that excites you…something that fills you with awe. Sometimes when you don’t have a passion, it’s really just waiting for you to discover it; and to do that, you need to start really living life on the edge.
As weird as this sounds, learning game has an interesting ability to help you discover your passion. And when I say learning game, I don’t mean practicing a few things here and there on your girlfriend or colleagues. I mean going out clubbing on a regular basis, and cold approaching tons of girls.
“How in the hell will that help me discover my passion?” I can hear you ask…and it’s a valid question.
Well, when I first started learning game I wasn’t very passionate about life…at all. My entire life up to that point had been a series of all-night marathons pounding down energy drinks and hot pockets, whilst playing the latest MMORPG or first person shooter.
This life wasn’t very satisfying to say the least, but it was all that I knew.
But then, one fateful day, I stumbled upon the manosphere and embarked on the Journey of Modern Men. It was terrifying, exhilarating, and liberating to say the least.
As I started going out more, and doing cold approach pickup (where you try to pull girls that you’ve never met before), I started to notice a lot of emotional shifts in myself.
Sure, there were bad nights. There were horrible nights, too. Nights where I had drinks poured on me, nights where I got smacked in the face, and nights where I went home alone, crying in bed wondering if I’d ever be able to overcome my crippling social anxiety.
But do you know what? The process did something to me. Even on the horrible nights where I felt like shit…somehow, I felt better than I ever did before.
“I’m alive,” I thought.
Even though experiencing these massively uncomfortable emotions of rejection, fear, paranoia (is her boyfriend going to kill me?), and self-loathing, was extremely difficult, somehow it was better than feeling nothing at all.
And the good nights? Don’t even get me started on these. I’ve had nights that most guys would only dream of, and they always end the same way: I feel more awake.
Something about learning game opens you up to the possibilities of what could be. It allows you to experience a WIDE RANGE of emotions (as I discussed under “No Wound? Do this.”) very, very rapidly.
Only from doing cold approach pickup can you experience massive rejection, elation, crippling anxiety, and bliss all in one night; you can’t get this huge emotional spectrum anywhere else.
“But Jon, I already feel plenty of emotions!” I can hear someone say.
No you don’t. You may think that, but until you learn game, have an awesome group of friends that you genuinely enjoy spending time with, and have a blossoming sex life, you are not fully emotionally experiencing life.
Based off of your email, my friend, it sounds like you aren’t learning game. I can relate to what you said 100%, too—when I first started out I felt like being in large groups of people was like poison.
It felt like the air drained me of my energy, and the longer I spent at a party, the more and more I felt depleted. But over time, I started to notice something. Yes, I was still a natural introvert, but it wasn’t so much being around people that drained me—it was the self-judgment that came from being around them.
The constant self-judgment in social situations drained me of my energy, and left me feeling like a man who hadn’t slept in 3 days. I’m sure you know what I’m talking about.
“Do I look good?” “Am I acting weird?” “Am I saying the right things?” Having these questions circle around in your head can be AGONIZING to say the least.
What I found is that over time I was able to accept myself, and just be who I am; this allowed me to truly live a more passionate life.
You see, a lot of people hear about game, and they think: “Oh, how can that give you passion? It’s just some shallow pursuit of sex.”
But they’re COMPLETELY fucking wrong.
Game is about becoming your best self. It’s about getting in touch with your emotions, it’s about learning to cope with rejection, it’s about learning to have functional relationships, it’s about developing empathy…it’s about WAKING UP and learning the social skills that 99.99% of our ancestors learned naturally, but that modern men lack due to our isolated society.
I’d say that discovering your passion will be highly hinged on game, my friend. Right now you need to shock yourself and experience a wide range of emotions, ways of thinking, and events. Game is your best bet, short of joining the Peace Corps or becoming a wandering monk or something.
If I had to summarize what you should do to discover your passion, it would be this:
Now let’s break this down in more detail.
A big part of discovering your passion is sometimes just that…discovering it. No amount of thinking will help you discover it. You have to actually get out there and look for it.
A great way to do this is by joining organizations that appeal to you…and I don’t mean organizations that you think would be cool (aka doing it for the approval of others). I mean organizations that ACTUALLY make you feel good. For example, here’s some that I’ve joined or have thought about joining:
Maybe none of that stuff appeals to you. Maybe NOTHING appeals to you. That’s fine—just join SOMETHING.
The major key for you is to take action. You need to start exposing yourself to the world and experiencing new things to shake up your reality.
Brain FM has literally helped me re-discover myself. I cannot emphasize this enough!
Meditation in and of itself is an extremely powerful tool for personal-development, but when you combine it with Brain FM? The results are unreal.
Meditation basically allows you to get in touch with your emotions, which is crucial if you want to discover your passions; you can’t have a passion if you aren’t even in touch with what you’re feeling.
Meditation will help you uncover emotional blockages, dysfunctional thought patterns, and other bullshit inherited from your childhood. Brain FM will amplify the pace at which this happens by about 10 fold.
Brain FM is a combination of binaural beats, monaural beats, and isochronic tones, so it’s basically a series of frequencies that train your brain to enter into certain frequencies more easily.
In other words, listening to Brain FM while you meditate will re-wire your brain 10x faster than normal meditation.
I literally cannot emphasize this enough. I would not be the man that I am today without Brain FM. I do not say this lightly.
DO NOT make the mistake that I did and start listening to them 24/7. I got cocky and wanted to experience “Buddhist monk” brain frequencies, so I played started listening to them a lot, way too fast. I had a fucking panic attack and felt like I was going to die.
You have to ease your brain into it; if you have a bunch of repressed emotions (which I did, and you probably do too) it’s important to take it slow so that you can unpack them and deal with them.
I know, I know—I’ve hammered home this point so much in this article, but that’s because I genuinely believe that game wakes you up and helps you attain your best self. Game will definitely help you discover your passion, my friend, it’s just a matter of how we want to go about it.
From what you said, it sounds like learning game will be one of the most difficult things you ever do…but it will also be one of the most rewarding things that you ever do. Here’s what I would recommend:
Yeah I know I talk a lot about game-enhancing drugs like kratom and phenibut, but that’s because they work. They’re definitely not necessary, but honestly man I would recommend them if you’re new, because they’ll help to take the edge off MASSIVELY.
They’ll help with approach anxiety, they’ll help make you more extroverted (particularly phenibut), and they’ll help you feel happy. Just be sure to use them RESPONSIBLY! No more than twice a week for phenibut, and rotate kratom strains to avoid developing a tolerance (slow strain today, medium strain tomorrow, fast strain the next day, etc.).
In summary, there isn’t really one sure-fire way to discover your passion. That being said, there’s a lot of things you can do that will help you on this journey.
Find your deepest wound, explore your emotions with meditation, learn game, and join organizations that interest you…if you keep doing these things you WILL find your passion eventually. It’s just a matter of time.
Don’t sweat it if you don’t discover your passion this week, this month, or even this year. Sometimes these things take time, but the journey is incredibly worth it, man. This is your life, and it truly is what you make of it—I urge you to give it all you’ve got, and I promise that it will return the rewards 100 fold.
If you guys have any questions, comments, or concerns, feel free to leave a comment below. And as always, I’ll see you next time.
Jon Anthony is a world renowned dating coach and the founder of Masculine Development, a website specifically dedicated to helping men improve their personal, dating, and financial lives. After years of training men how to attract women, build muscle, and make more money, Jon created the "7 Strategies" program to help kickstart your journey to success. Jon firmly believes that every man should have control over his own life, and he created Masculine Development to share his passion with men who want success in all areas.