What do women want in a man? Now, that’s a question that’s been asked since the very beginning of time. It’s quite simple, though.
In this article, I will attempt to break down a model that I use to understand female attraction. I will explain exactly what women want, too.
The model of primary vs. secondary sexual characteristics. Most men will outright reject this model—they’ve been brainwashed from a young age to believe that they know what women want. They don’t.
But, if you’re one of the few men who can understand, and better yet, apply this model, your sex life will improve by leaps and bounds.
Most men, from a young age, are brainwashed to buy into a certain “ideal man,” that they think every single woman wants. This “ideal man,” might look something like this:
These things will never hurt you with women, but what if I told you that you don’t need them at all?
Would you believe me? Would you believe that a guy like THIS could get tons of girls:
Most men wouldn’t believe me if I told them that a guy with those characteristics could get laid by gorgeous women.
But it happens every day.
When I was in middle school, there was this one guy who literally had every single girl ALL OVER HIM.
It didn’t matter if she said she liked “nerdy,” guys, or if she “only went for athletes.” The second that this guy started talking with her, she’d be giggling and playing with her hair like no tomorrow.
What was it? What could it be? Well, it wasn’t until years later that I figured out what was going on. You see, if you ask women what they want, they all give the same generic answer: “I want him to be really sweet, and tall, and handsome, he has to buy me flowers, and money never hurts.”
Blah, blah, blah.
The first rule in learning to get good with girls is that you NEVER listen to girls! Why?
Because even they don’t know what the fuck they want! And you can’t blame them for this, for two reasons:
Women don’t know what they want, but they know it when they see it… this is why you should never take a woman’s dating advice seriously.
It should be no secret to you by now, that for men, attraction is primarily physical. Men are attracted to physical characteristics such as nice, perky tits, a round ass, and a gorgeous face. This is no secret.
But what IS a secret, is that women really don’t care about the way a man looks (more on this later).
Women care much more about the emotions that they feel when they’re around him.
In other words, attraction for women is emotional. This is a critical part in understanding women, and what they’re attracted to.
This is why you can never trust women when they say they want X Y and Z…not because they’re lying, but because their answer will change depending on what they’re feeling.
For example, if they’re angry at their boyfriend for ignoring them, they might say they want: “A man who talks to me about his feelings, who’s in touch with his feminine side, and who’s really sweet!”
But if their boyfriend is a huge pushover, and doesn’t have a spine, they might say the exact opposite: “I want a man who’s not such a cry baby, who’s really masculine, and who’s assertive!”
Do you see why women don’t know what they want half the time? Their answer depends on what they’re feeling in any given moment.
Now, to be fair, some women know exactly what they want—but this is a rare breed. In general, DO NOT listen to what women say they want. Observe their actions, and notice what they ACTUALLY go for.
Another reason why you can’t take a woman’s word for what she wants, is because she’ll often times get judged for saying it.
For example, I think that anyone who’s been studying game for a while, knows that women want:
But if a woman said any one of these things, she’d be judged HARSHLY.
“Slut! Whore! You want a man who’s SEXUAL? You want him to PULL YOUR HAIR? WHAT?!” the feminazis would proclaim.
The irony of this is that when a woman is actually comfortable with you, and not afraid of you judging her, she’ll admit these things—but until then, she won’t.
Don’t get angry or upset that women can’t say these things, either. It’s just the way it is. If you were judged as harshly as women for expressing your sexuality, you probably wouldn’t be very honest with it as well.
Before I really explain what women want, I need to make a concept known as the social narrative crystal clear.
Because we need men to work really hard and accept submissive roles in order to keep society functioning, we have what’s known as the social narrative, which keeps them in place.
The social narrative is basically a set of rules and principles, which men accept to be true, without ever questioning.
Some common beliefs that are a part of the social narrative are:
Now, of course, these beliefs are all bullshit, but they serve two purposes.
If you’ve got a harem of 10 gorgeous women, you’re self-employed from learning how to sell eBooks, and you’re living in some awesome mansion in Miami, then I told you “Hey! Go spend 12 years in a university and work the rest of your life!” what would you do?
You’d tell me to fuck off.
But what happens if you’re brainwashed from a young age to believe that’s how you get girls? You’d be begging for the opportunity to go to college and work for the rest of your life.
And that’s what happens to most men. They sign away their freedom for some absurd belief that women will magically come into your life if you’re a hard working college graduate.
But it doesn’t matter, because a society needs alpha males and beta males to function.
The beta males are the ones who buy into the social narrative. They act as the “worker bees,” to keep the society functioning.
They design your cars, build your houses, provide you with services… because they believe that the path laid out in front of them is a viable way to get women (and happiness).
But it’s not. As you’ll soon see, women don’t give a single shit about what job you have.
If a man’s been programmed to believe the social narrative lies his whole life, how easy do you think it is to sell him things?
“Oh, you’re not getting girls? Buy this Porsche!” screams the car salesman.
“Oh, you’re not getting girls? Buy these $500 dress shoes!” screams the cobbler.
“Oh, you’re not getting any girls? Spend 12 years in college working your ass off to become a doctor!” screams the university.
“TAKE MY MONEY! I WANT THE GIRLS!” yells the dumb modern man.
He’s been brainwashed by marketers and salesmen to believe that he literally needs a bunch of frivolous bullshit in order to get women.
Any insecurity that the modern man has, and believe me, he has many, can be capitalized off of.
“Oh, you have some zits? You won’t get any girls with those! Buy this $200 facial cream!”
“Oh, you need a $200 pair of sunglasses to match your $150 belt, don’t you?”
“Oh no, you aren’t good looking? Spend $15,000 on plastic surgery. THEN you’ll get the girls!”
It’s all complete bullshit, and here’s why.
Now, I want to be clear: having money and being good looking will NEVER hurt you with women. Every inch of height that you have will help you get more girls, and the more chiseled your jawline is, the better.
But ultimately, these are only secondary sexual characteristics. If you want to know how to turn a girl on, then please, listen the fuck up.
The way that I understand it is this: there’s primary and secondary characteristics when it comes to what women are attracted to.
Secondary characteristics help, for sure. I’m not going to lie. But without PRIMARY characteristics, all of the secondary characteristics in the world won’t make you an attractive man.
Secondary characteristics, as I alluded to before, are things like your physical appearance, your wealth, your style, and whatnot.
I still focus on these things on my blog, because they definitely HELP you get girls. The keyword there, is help.
But if you don’t have any primary characteristics, it doesn’t matter. Game, for lack of a better term, is simply maximizing your primary characteristics.
When I tell men that women don’t care that much about looks, they’re usually quite taken aback. “What? What do you mean, Jon? Women always go crazy over hot guys!”
Yes, to an extent, you’re right. But in order to shed some light on this, I think that a simple glance to our evolutionary history will be of aid.
Look at how the human race lived for 99.9% of history. It was extremely dangerous, and if a woman didn’t have the right man to protect her, she would literally be eaten alive by a lion, or gang raped by a tribe of men or something.
So what type of man would have helped her survive? A man who has “really pretty eyes,” and who’s “really sweet”?
Fuck no. All that mattered was whether or not a man had these characteristics:
Basically the “masculine characteristics,” that I teach you how to get in my eBook.
“But Jon! Doesn’t being really big and strong help protect a woman?”
Yes, it does—but if you don’t have the confidence, decisiveness, and assertiveness that you need to survive and protect a woman in the middle of the god damn Savanna, it doesn’t really matter.
This is why, to this day, women are attracted to characteristics in a man, more so than his physical appearance.
Their bodies (and all of our bodies, for that matter) still think we’re in a dangerous, jungle environment.
This is why women respond favorably to decisiveness, courage, confidence, and assertiveness, among other masculine characteristics.
I would guess that primary characteristics account for 85% of what women are attracted to. The other 15% would be things like wealth, social status, and looks.
This is why the broke, fat, physically average musician can get laid. He’s a man on his purpose, following his passion; and that takes a hell of a lot of confidence, decisiveness, assertiveness, and courage.
It’s why there’s stories of women from the aristocrat class being seduced by mere peasants; they didn’t care about his social status, because they loved him for his sheer determination and will (think about how confident you have to be to seduce someone who’s royalty when you’re a peasant).
And it’s why YOU can learn to bed gorgeous women, EVEN IF you weren’t born with a ton of “secondary” sexual characteristics.
Secondary characteristics, as I said before, only account for around 15% of what women are attracted to. Still do looksmaxing, though.
That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t focus on them, however. Every little bit helps. That’s why I encourage my followers to follow a good workout routine, to have good style, and to focus on your appearance in general.
But remember—you should be doing it for yourself more than for any girl. Make yourself the center of your own life, and women will come.
“But Jon—how is it that gorgeous guys get so many girls, then?” I can hear you ask. Of course, this can seem confusing at first… here’s why.
Part of it is that they’re really good looking. Again, I’m not going to deny that your appearance plays a role, because it does play one.
But another MASSIVE part of it is that when you look like a guy who gets a lot of girls, it’s easy to act like a guy who gets a lot of girls.
Try to follow me here.
If you look like a complete stud…you’re going to ACT like a complete stud (thus developing the primary characteristics that women are attracted to).
So although part of it is that they look handsome, the majority of it is that they’re confident, assertive, decisive, and aren’t afraid to express their sexuality around women.
But, keep in mind, that it doesn’t matter how good looking you are—if you have zero game, you will not get laid.
I can personally attest to this. When I was in middle school and high school I actually had an acting recruiter tell me that I should do modeling for Nordstrom. Not to brag, but I was actually an incredibly good looking kid…tons of girls in my class had crushes on me.
But do you know what? I didn’t even cum inside of a girl until I was 20 years old, because I had no game. It does NOT matter what you look like if you don’t have game. Period.
The interplay between primary and secondary characteristics is very interesting to me, and this is often a tough pill for a lot of guys to swallow, so let me give you an example to help clarify.
Have you ever been out to a really high end night club on a Friday or Saturday night? Like in Miami South Beach or New York City? Try it some time, and I guarantee you’ll see something that’s quite eye opening.
There’s always tons of tall, jacked, handsome guys wearing designer clothing in the club…but none of them get laid, even when girls walk up to them. Why?
Because they don’t have fucking game. They sit in the corner with their arms crossed.
And even if a girl approaches them, they don’t know how to handle her. They don’t know how to relate to her on a male to female level, or how to tease her; they don’t know how to make her laugh, how to lead the interaction, or how to talk to women. In other words, they don’t have game.
Meanwhile, a short, obnoxious guy like me, can just walk up to a girl, make her laugh, lead the interaction, and end up fucking her in the back of my car or something. Why?
Because I have game. I have characteristics that women find attractive: primary characteristics like assertiveness, decisiveness, and courage.
I realize that this may be a very difficult pill for a lot of men to swallow, and for good reason. We’re brainwashed from a young age to think that we need good looks, height, and wealth in order to get girls, when really, girls don’t care that much about these things at all.
Don’t misunderstand me—obviously looking good helps. That’s why I encourage you men to work out, get your style down, and focus on your appearance. But don’t let it become your primary focus.
If you have game, you WILL pull more girls than the most physically attractive guy out there. End of story.
If you have any questions, comments, or concerns, feel free to leave them down below. I hope you guys enjoyed the article—and, as always, I’ll see you next time.
Jon Anthony is a dating coach, fitness expert, and self-improvement guru. He dropped out of college to start Masculine Development in 2015, and has since been self-employed, helping men across the world achieve their best lives. You can best reach him on social media, or via email for questions.