When I first got into the dating advice world, most of what people were talking about was known as “cold approach.”
This is the idea that you learn how to approach and seduce women that you’ve never met before. Proponents of cold approach would go to night clubs and bars, night after night, and split test different openers, routines, and methods.
…and although cold approach is incredibly valuable, and will help you add new women to your social circle, there’s something that’s even more important.
It’s called building a lifestyle that women find attractive, and it will not only improve your happiness levels, but will also magnetically draw new women into your life. Here’s how:
“The three ingredients of luxury lifestyle design are time, income, and mobility.” -Tim Ferris
Lifestyle is basically the way that you live your life—it’s when you get it in the morning, it’s what you do for a living, it’s what your hobbies are, and it’s how you spend your free time. Thus, I’m sure you can see, that the average man’s lifestyle is a lot different than a millionaire’s lifestyle.
An average man’s lifestyle probably looks something like this: he wakes up around 7AM, goes to work until 5PM, comes home, has dinner, watches some TV, maybe reads a little bit, and then goes to bed.
This is absolutely pathetic and is not the type of lifestyle that will attract women. Contrast the average man’s lifestyle, with this.
You’re a bartender, so you wake up at noon. You and your buddies all go mountain biking, and then grab dinner. Then, later, you go to work and give your friends a bunch of free shots, and end up hooking up with some hot girl on the way home.
Do you see the obvious difference? The guy who’s got his life filled with cool shit is obviously going to draw way more women into his life, AND have way more fun. In fact, there’s a few key lifestyle characteristics that every man should strive for.
When you’re trying to design a lifestyle that women find attractive, there’s generally three main things to consider: work, organizations, and fun. The most important is fun, followed by organizations, and then lastly, work.
Fun is exactly what it sounds like—what do you do for fun? Do you like to go mountain biking? Or go off roading? Maybe you enjoy practicing martial arts, swimming competitively, or playing a musical instrument.
Then there’s the organizations that you’re a part of. Do you do volunteer work at a homeless shelter? Are you party of a fraternity? Or maybe a global network of entrepreneurs? Finding quality organizations that you can belong to are integral in building an attractive lifestyle.
Lastly, but certainly not least important, is what you do for work. How do you pay the bills? Where do you get your money from? Do you do freelancing, that allows you to work anywhere in the world with a laptop? Or maybe you have a 9-5 that ties you down in person?
Before you move onto the next section, I want you to make a list of what you do for work, the organizations you belong to, and the things you do for fun.
Then, as you’re reading the next few sessions, ask yourself: “How can I change my lifestyle, so that it’s more attractive? What can I do differently?” If you do this exercise, I promise you’ll gain some pretty big insights from it. In fact, I’ll do it along with you.
In order to build a lifestyle that not only satisfies you, but that women find highly attractive, it’s crucial that you integrate all three areas of your life: work, organizations, and fun.
This is why, in the past, I’ve written about how you can monetize your passion. When you do something that you love for a living, literally everything becomes easier. It’s easier to work long days, because you love what you’re doing.
It’s easier to make more money, because you love what you’re doing. It’s easier to advance your career, because you love what you’re doing. This isn’t some “airy fairy,” fantasy, as some people might believe. Most people hear “follow your dreams,” and immediately recoil with cynicism.
But the truth is that, in order to develop an attractive lifestyle, you must find a way to align your work, organizations, and fun. Let’s say for example, that you’re a guitarist—you want to make a living performing.
Okay, then practice and network to the point where you’re earning $200 per gig, and you perform 3 gigs a week. That’s $2800 a month, which isn’t too shabby. From there, you’ll want to join several organizations surrounding your passion.
Become a frequenter of certain music clubs, join networking groups for musicians, maybe join a volunteer organization that brings music to inner city kids or something, I don’t know. The point is to align every aspect of your life with your passion, which is in this case, music.
When you reach the point that your work, organizations, and fun, are all one in the same, amazing things will happen. But just how does this draw women into your life?
As cheesy as this sounds, women are attracted to a man who loves life. You don’t need to look like Brad Pitt, you don’t need to be 6 foot 3, and you don’t need to be a millionaire. In fact, women care surprisingly little about looks.
Yes, obviously they’re still important. Still get your fashion down, get a good hairstyle, and workout (preferably using my routine). But if you want to have a harem of beautiful women in your life, you need to design an attractive lifestyle.
Let’s continue using the example from before, with the guitarist. Every time you’re out performing, you’ll meet girls that love your music and want to come hang out. You can invite them to future shows, they’ll bring their friends, you’ll all go to concerts together…
It just happens so smoothly, because your whole life is integrated around a single concept: doing what you love for a living. Again, I’m not saying that this is EASY, by any means, because it isn’t. But it’s something to strive for.
Women are attracted to guys who have a very firm sense of identity, which is why these tips will work for anyone. If your passion is BMX, then figure out a way to align your life around that. If your passion is video games, then figure out a way to align your life around that. If your passion is traveling, then figure out a way to align your life around that.
I recommend that you start this process by joining several organizations surrounding things you enjoy. I don’t care what they are, it doesn’t really matter.
It could be an organization that encourages local business owners, an organization that volunteers at local farms, or an organization that puts on fencing competitions. It doesn’t really matter what, so much as it matters that you just join something.
This will immediately expand your circle of both men and women. When you have regular meetings that you go to for these groups, you’ll run into the same people week after week.
This makes it extremely easy to meet women. Now, there’s certainly some organizations that are better for meeting women than others, but pretty much every single organization will at least have some women.
If you’re in college, join a fraternity—there is no better way to gain access to hot girls. You’ll get invited to multiple parties every single week, you’ll have cool events to attend on the weekdays, and you’ll have a solid group of bros to hang out with.
If you’re not in college yet, or have graduated, don’t sweat it. Just poke around online and find some local organizations, whether it’s a yoga club, a powerlifting gym, or whatever. Just join some form of community. Take up some hobbies that women find attractive, and build an organization around them.
While work and organizations will help you network and meet more people, having fun is how deepen the connections. It’s also when you’ll get laid the most.
Think of it like this: meeting people through organizations and work is planting seeds, having fun times and sleeping with women are like “harvesting the crops.” You want to be doing both on a regular basis.
Remember, the key is to integrate all 3 aspects of your life. So for the fun aspect, you want to do things with the organizations you belong to.
As an example, I’m part of an astronomy organization. One of the guys in the group has a house in the woods, so myself and 15 other people all went camping there. It was a great opportunity to get drunk, meet new people, and get new leads. Just from that 2-day event, I got a solid 3 girls that may end up sleeping with me.
Do you see the point? The idea is to continually have fun things happening in your life, like a rotating door—when one fun thing is over, that’s cool, because there’s another one coming up in a day or two. ALWAYS remember this.
The #1 most important thing with designing an attractive lifestyle is to have FUN! Whatever that means to you, just do it to the absolute hilt. If your version of fun is martial arts, then practice 3-4 times a week, go to all the local cage fights, and consider competing.
If your version of fun is gaming, consider getting into it competitively. Go to all of the comic-con events, nationwide competitions, and find people to play with you. It’s really that simple—just fill your life with fun things, surrounding your organizations.
My work is pretty damn easy. I wake up whenever I want, work from home, and pull bank. It wasn’t always like this, though—it took me a solid 18 months of intense work before this became a reality.
The point is though, if you have an ideal job, it isn’t that hard to get. Remember though—design your lifestyle around your PASSION! Why do you think I chose to start a blog about self-development? Because I love it! It’s easy to write articles, answer emails, and put in the work, because I find it enjoyable.
So, if you really love good coffee or something, start a coffee company. Invest $1,000 in roasted coffee beans, $500 in a graphic designer to make the label, and another $500 in targeted Facebook advertising. In just a matter of a few months, you could be pulling home a livable income.
If you really like weightlifting, make a YouTube channel where you review pre-workouts and workout routines. You’ll get free samples, AND paid endorsements. If you have the will power to put out a video a day for 6 months, you’ll probably end up with a livable income.
“That’s easy for you to say, Jon! I don’t know where to start!” …this is a fair point. I understand that starting a business isn’t common knowledge, but do you know how I learned? By fucking starting one.
I didn’t start a business by waiting around and spending 5 years reading up on it. I understood the “Law of Use,” which dictates you’ll learn 100x faster from ACTION rather than just reading and researching.
Don’t know where to start? That’s fine. There’s plenty of information on my blog and other blogs. Read through the “financial,” and “lifestyle,” sections, and you’ll at least have a rudimentary understanding of how to start making bank.
Remember that this process will not happen overnight. Transforming your lifestyle isn’t something that you can accomplish in a week or two—it’s probably going to take around a year, but that doesn’t mean you can’t start making some changes immediately.
Like I said, start with a few key organizations. It’s better to go deep with 2-3 organizations than to go shallow with 4-5 organizations. Attend all of the events that they throw, and go to the weekly or bi-monthly meetings (whichever they have).
If you’re a newbie, learn game in conjunction with building a more attractive lifestyle. This will exponentially increase your progress.
Combine cold approach with the lifestyle approach, and then you can feed each part of your life into the other parts. For example, if you do a lot of cold approach, you can invite some of the girls you’ve fucked to these organizations.
This does two things: it expands the organization, and by extent your social circle, AND it makes the women in your organization more attracted to you due to pre-selection. You want to bring as many women to these organizations as possible.
Also keep in mind that work is what makes all of this possible. If you have a shitty job that you hate, that requires you to work 80 hours a week, it’s going to be pretty damn hard to build an attractive lifestyle. If this is the boat you’re in, start a side-business immediately and grow it from the ground up until you can quit your soul-draining job.
In summary, building a lifestyle that women find attractive is one of the best ways to consistently funnel new women into your life.
Remember, though—it isn’t easy. It’s going to take some time. That being said though, it takes a lot less time than most guys think. If you follow the advice that I’ve given here, you can expect to have a radically different lifestyle within just a few months. After a year, you won’t even believe how far you’ve come.
Start by joining 2-3 organizations near you, and go deep. Attend all of the events, parties, and weekly meetings. Integrate these organizations into what you do for fun, and don’t forget to design your work around your passion. Ideally, you want all 3 areas to be one in the same.
If you guys have any questions, comments, or concerns, feel free to let me know…and as always, I’ll see you next time.