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5 Reasons Why You’re Not Getting Laid This Very Second

why can't i get laid

When I first started learning game, I remember how infuriating it was.

I thought I was doing everything correctly! I was following all of the advice that other men gave me, but for some reason, it just didn’t seem to work.

I’m sure you know what I’m talking about. It’s that feeling of hopelessness, where you’re just wondering if you should give up. Is something wrong with you? Maybe, but most likely not.

Most likely, you’re just making one of these five critical errors, any of which will prevent you from getting laid.


1. You’re Too Outcome Dependent

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“Hold on, Jon—you’re saying that caring TOO MUCH about sex can stop me from getting laid? Isn’t your notch count in the triple digits, though?”

Yes, and yes. I know it may seem contradictory, but bear with me for a second…it will all make sense very soon. See, while most men only care about sex, women are a little bit different.

Men are primarily attracted to visual cues—in other words, a woman’s appearance turns us on. Obviously there’s other factors that come into play, like her feminine energy, her personality, and everything else, but men care a lot about how a girl looks.

Women, on the other hand, care more about a man’s IMAGE…big difference. They care about WHO he is, more so than WHAT he looks like. They care about the connection that they have with a man. They care about whether or not they feel safe with him.

They want to know if he’s confident or not, they want to know what his fears are…they want to know WHO HE IS. So if you only ever try to have sex with a woman, without engaging in any sort of meaningful conversation, you probably won’t get laid as much as you like.

Sure, you’ll get laid a good amount. Hell, when I first started learning game I only showed women my sexual side. I didn’t talk much, I wasn’t very vulnerable, and I was extremely sexually assertive…and it worked, to an extent.

But I’ve found that balancing BOTH my desire to have sex, AND my desire to express myself and figure out whether or not she’s a woman I’m interested in emotionally has yielded much better results. I could write an entire post on this, and maybe I will, but for now, take the tip for what it is.


2. You Don’t Approach Enough Women

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Back in the early 2000’s when the PUA community first emerged, guys used to have this thing called the “batting average.” It was basically the ratio of women you talked to vs. women you ended up having sex with.

…and it was one of the dumbest fucking things I’ve ever seen in my entire life. Why? Well, for many reasons, but primarily because it ignores one fundamental principle of game.

Getting laid is a numbers game, plain and simple. You will have to approach literally thousands of women before you start to get good at this.

So by hiding behind a “batting average,” guys were able to mask their fear. “Haha, losers, my batting average is 1.0! I’ve never struck out!” some guy would say. But what this doesn’t reveal, is that he only ever had sex with one girl in his entire life.

I don’t know about you, but I’d rather have a batting average of .001, but sleep with 1 new girl a week. Who cares how many girls you have to talk to? Not every girl is going to be interested in you, and you shouldn’t WANT them all to be interested in you.

Some girls are vain, some are shallow, some are just plain stupid. You want to find the ‘cream of the crop,’ and you do this by talking to TONS of women, until you find the ones that you have chemistry with.

When you go out and practice your game, you should be rapid-fire approaching women. Talk to the first girl you see. Doesn’t work out? Cool, move to the next one. She hates you? Cool, move to the next one. Do this until you find one that you like.

This is how you overcome approach anxiety, it’s how you sharpen your social skills, and it’s how you get laid.


3. Your Lifestyle Sucks

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When I first got into game, I relied pretty much entirely on cold approach pickup to get new lays. I’d go out during the night and during the day, and just strike up conversations with random girls and get their numbers.

After a while, however, I realized that I was missing out on one of the biggest goldmines when it comes to getting girls—your lifestyle.

I don’t care how good looking you are, how much money you make, or how much game you have…if you’re employed in the middle of Alaska doing IT work, or if you’re on a barracks in Iraq somewhere, you will not be getting laid.

That ugly, fat guy, who’s kind of weird, but that works as a bartender in Las Vegas, though? He’ll be getting more ass than you can imagine. Always remember this, boys: women are attracted to men who live fun, adventurous, exciting lifestyles.

Fill your life with cool hobbies that you enjoy. Learn how to DJ, start playing the guitar and performing in local coffee shops, get some friends who you love to go dirt biking with, or become a bungee jumping instructor. It doesn’t really matter—just fill your life with fun stuff, and the women will come.

In fact,  I wrote a whole article on how to build an attractive lifestyle, because it’s just that important. Not only will it get new women coming into your life, but it’s also great for keeping them coming back…which brings me to my next point.


4. Your Retention Rate is Too Low

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Having a constant trickle of new girls into your life is just as important as retaining the good ones. You don’t want to always be meeting new girls, sometimes you want to cultivate relationships with existing girls.

It took me FOREVER to learn how to do this, because I had a really hard time being emotionally vulnerable with women. But, once I started opening up, and developing deeper connections with women, I found that they started sticking around more.

Ideally you want to have a stream of new leads coming in each week, and then you can choose your favorite girls to keep hanging out with.

Think of it like this. I aim to sleep with 2-3 new girls a week, and usually do, but I still have a solid 4-5 girls that I really like sleeping with and hanging out with. They’re the girls that will come cook me breakfast, come watch a movie with me, go to the gym with me, or just come talk.

This way, you never get too deprived of sex or too lonely, and you get the best of both worlds—tons of sex, but also more intimate connections. If you’re just starting off with game, don’t worry about this one as much yet, but if you’ve been at it for a year or so, this is definitely something to consider.

Create a “rotation,” of cool girls that you enjoy spending time with, and pepper in some new ones, too. Some of the solid girls who you usually hang out with may flake, they may get a boyfriend, or they may stop being interested in you…that’s fine, and it’s why you need a constant trickle of new women to replace them.


5. Your Identity is Too Weak

why can't i get laid tips

Women want a man who has a firm sense of self. They want a man who knows who he is, on a very deep level, and won’t change his opinions, personality, or feelings for anyone else.

When a man lacks integrity, and is dishonest through his actions and words, women become extremely turned off, because they sense that he’s flaky. They sense that he’s flimsy and that he doesn’t really stand for anything.

This is why women will often test men—they want to see if you’re congruent to who you are. Do you act confident? Prepare to have women test you to see just how confident you are.

When women say that they hate “nice guys,” what they really mean is they hate men who just agree for the sake of agreeing. They want a man with a rock-solid frame, who doesn’t change himself just to fit in or be liked.

As an example, I voted for Donald Trump in the American election of 2016. I have Trump stickers around my house, and sometimes when I have women come over, they’ll notice them. Some girls like it, but many are shocked.

“Oh my God, how could you vote for Donald Trump?! Did you ACTUALLY?!” they’ll ask. Most guys would shy away, and sheepishly lie about how “it’s a joke,” or something like that. I don’t, though. I’m very upfront about my political opinions, and even if women vehemently disagree with them, they usually end up being even more attracted to me.

Why? Again, because they sense I’m just being who the fuck I am. I’m not bullshitting them, I’m not lying, and I’m not manipulating. I have a very firm sense of identity, and they can appreciate it—that’s what women mean when they say “just be yourself.”

They don’t mean be a nice guy pushover, they mean be confident in who you are. Own your opinions, own your beliefs, own your emotions, and own your identity.

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Miche Elle
1 month ago

How can this happen with chics older than you?

1 year ago

Idk what my problem is. Have my own place vehicle in good health play guitar covered in tattoos. Above average looking… still bout to hit two years no laid… im taking into consideration ugly bitches

Shemp Manson
10 months ago
Reply to  Logan

Maybe you’re too gay? Covered in tattoos…. gay!
And you have no personality, just an image you read about somewhere.

6 years ago

Hi Jon,
I recently broke up with my long time girlfriend and a lot of times my other friends don’t want to go out a lot as a lot of them are married and have girlfriends. I want to know what’s your opinion or if you can even write an artical on picking up girls solo. And your opionion on just going to a random city and trying to pick up by yourself. What’s the opinion of a girl if she see’s this? Is there a high or low success rate?

Thank you.

6 years ago

Maaaan, you had me with all your postings about being genuine, real, no bs give it to you straight stuff. Now you hit me with the fact that you voted for some fluzy fake phony, shallow narcisity with no leadership skills that wouldn’t qualify to sweep floors in my world??? No matter how confident you think you are, making bad choices are making bad choices.

Steve Price
6 years ago
Reply to  Jon Anthony

Hi Jon,
Thanks for reading and responding. You could have easily just deleted it. I am not a political beast, but I have my opinions and I am not shy about expressing them. Furthermore, I am non-partisan and would like to see the best person elected for the job. We all want what’s best for the country but I can’t help being offended when someone uses divisiveness to attain power for personal gain above all else. I am always willing to talk, as long as it is based on objective facts and rational thought rather than pure emotion and bias. All this said, we can agree to disagree.

All the best and I will continue to enjoy your blogs.

Joel Walbert
6 years ago

‘5 Reasons Why You’re Not Getting Laid This Very Second’

Concentrating on the ‘this very second’ part, could have added one more for a bit of humor.

#6 – You’re reading this article instead of being out there

6 years ago

Alright wish me luck…maybe I’ve been too analytical and paranoid at how the mass approaching works

6 years ago

something I always wondered though….is if you’re in a big open-spaced place like a night club and you’re constantly trying to hit on every girl there…won’t all the other girls be able to see that and then won’t give you a chance because they’ll clearly see that you’re just another sleazy player-guy ? I’ve never actually seen how this strategy of mass approaching works.


What's Up, I'm Jon Anthony

Women. Fitness. Money. I’ll help you achieve it.

After dropping out of college to pursue my dreams, I started this blog as a way to help other men do the same.

What started off as a fun hobby, grew into a full-scale 6-figure business that’s changing the lives of men worldwide.


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