Why do girls give you mixed signals? Well, tell me if this has happened to you. You’re flirting with a friend, and everything seems to be going great. She’s giving you sensual eye contact, playing with her hair, and maybe even overtly flirting a bit back. Then, the next day you text her. No response.
Then maybe you see her again in a week or two, and suddenly she’s flirting with you again—what gives? Women give guys mixed signals all the time, but it may not be for the reasons that you think. She’s hot, she’s cold, then she’s hot again. It can be hard to decode a woman’s mixed signals, but once you understand WHY it’s easy to understand what to do about it.
Women give mixed signals for three fundamental reasons. The first is that she’s protecting her own reputation, and doesn’t want to seem “too easy.” The second is that she’s simply using you for validation. The third, and most common in my opinion, is that she simply doesn’t know what she wants from you.
Learning to recognize the difference between these three reasons can be the difference between having sex at her place, and getting the door slammed in your face. So with that in mind, let’s get to it. Here’s the Masculine Development guide to why girls give you mixed signals…and what to do about it.
First off, let’s take a moment to define mixed signals. I think we all sort of know it when we see it, but taking a minute to really flesh this concept out is important. In a nutshell, the term “mixed signals” refers to when a girl gives you indicators of interest (IOI’s) and indicators of disinterest (IOD’s) at the same time.
It can take many different forms across many different cultures. Maybe she’s flirting with you one night while you’re out getting drinks, and then when she sees you the next day she completely blows you off. Maybe she tells you that she wants to be with you one minute, and then she ignores your texts the next.
Mixed signals can come in all sorts of different ways, but the fundamental characteristic is a combination of IOI’s and IOD’s. This often leads guys scratching their heads, not knowing what to do, but funny enough dealing with mixed signals is actually quite simple.
Once you recognize these three reasons for a girl giving you mixed signals, it’s easy to take action. Most guys are completely lost when it comes to women and how to behave around them, so simply by understanding why they give mixed signals will put you light years ahead.
Have you ever been rejected by a girl? I know that I certainly have…and let me tell you, it’s not fun. Eventually you’ll learn how to get over rejection, since as a PUA you’ll be encountering it a lot, but for a girl it’s often a lot harder. Girls get rejected very rarely, so when they do, it hurts.
This is one major why girls give guys mixed signals—they simply don’t want to get rejected. So, by giving you IOI’s (flirting, laughing, etc.) and IOD’s (ignoring you, playing hard to get, etc.) at the same time, if you do reject her, she can chalk it off as “no big deal.” She wasn’t that into you anyways.
Another form of “protecting herself” comes in the form of her “anti-slut defense,” as it’s often called. This is another major reason why girls give you mixed signals. She may be really into you (hence the IOI’s), but doesn’t want to seem “too easy” because she’ll feel like a slut. So, she gives you IOD’s as well.
With today’s technologically advanced society, women can get all kinds of validation at the click of a button. They can go to tinder and get hundreds of guys begging to fuck them, they can open their phone and have guys texting them left and right, and they can go onto Facebook to see dozens of guys liking their photos.
Needless to say, some women become absolutely addicted to the attention. So, in order to keep you on the hook, they’ll throw you an IOI every now and then. She’ll ignore your texts and advances 85% of the time, but when she senses that you’re losing interest, she’ll throw you an IOI to keep you on the hook.
As an example, maybe you’ve been trying to hook up with a girl lately. You try your best, but every time you get close, she slams the door in your face. Eventually you give up, figuring that she’s not that interested. She picks up on this, and sends you a little text teasing you. Like a fish, you take the bait. You think she’s interested again, and she’s got you on the hook.
This is just one of the many manipulative ploys that a sociopathic woman will use on men to keep them around. I want to emphasize that not all women are like this, and as you increase your attractiveness less women will treat you this way. Always be on the lookout for this type of woman, though.
Sometimes there isn’t any secret plan in the back of her mind. Sometimes, girls are giving you mixed signals because they’re simply uncertain about you. Maybe they’re still getting to know you, maybe they’re not sure about you yet, and maybe they just want to know more.
As I’ve said before, male attraction is very simple. We’re attracted to a nice ass, big tits, and a cute face—unfortunately women aren’t this simple. Women are attracted to nonphysical things such as status, confidence, and masculine energy more so than anything. So sometimes she needs some time to decide.
Male attraction is like a light switch—once it’s turned on, it’s on. Female attraction is like a goddamn Boeing 747 control board, though. There’s a million switches and levers that you have to check off, before she’s attracted to you. To an experienced “pilot” however, it’s as easy as 1-2-3.
So now that we’ve covered the three main reasons women give you mixed signals, how do you tell which it is? Unfortunately there’s no simple, cut-and-dry solution for you here. In fact, nothing with women is hardly ever simple, but with a little bit of work, you can tell pretty quickly.
If you’ve just met her and she’s giving you mixed signals, it’s likely due to either reason 1 or 3. If you’ve hooked up with her or made out with her, and she keeps giving you mixed signals, it’s much more likely that it’s number 2, although it could be number 3.
Another good way to tell is to ask yourself an honest question: how many women have you slept with? If it’s under 10, the odds that she’s just using you for validation are huge. If it’s starting to approach triple digits, the most likely reason is simply number 1. Again there’s no simple answer here, although I wish there was.
If the extent of your interaction is over text or social media, then she’s most likely using you for validation. Even when a girl is uncertain about you, or simply wants to protect yourself, she won’t be opposed to meeting you in person. So if she continues to give you mixed signals in person, it’s likely due to number 1 or 3.
So then, what do you do when she’s giving you mixed signals? Well your course of action will depend on WHY she’s giving you mixed signals. In general, my “end all be all” response is to simply put your purpose before women. This works wonders in magically fixing your problems with the ladies.
Aside from prioritizing your life first, here is the appropriate response for each reason:
Of course, you want to be sure that you’re not simply misreading her. Sometimes “mixed signals” is another way of saying “I can’t read women,” so if that’s you then work on it. For the most part though, when a girl gives you mixed signals, figure out why and act accordingly.
If she’s worried about seeming “too easy” don’t take it personally. Just keep chatting with her, flirting, etc. If her friends are nearby and judging her, then tone down the sexuality. If she’s simply using you, then ignore her. If she’s uncertain, then spend more time with her until she decides. It’s pretty simple.
All in all, women give mixed signals for a number of reasons. Sometimes they’re worried that their friends or peers will “slut shame” them, so they have to act disinterested. Other times, they’re just uncertain about you, and their body language reflects this uncertainty.
Of course, sometimes they’re just plain manipulative. You want to do your best to avoid women like this, and learn to spot them from a mile away. Don’t waste your time on women who are using you for validation. Trust me, I’ve been there, and it never ends well—they aren’t worth your time.
In general, a good response to mixed signals is to simply put your purpose before women. If she’s truly interested in you, she will reach out and engage in conversation. She will be the one chasing you, rather than the other way around…and trust me, you want this.
I hope that you guys enjoyed the article, and if you haven’t already, be sure to subscribe. You’ll get all the latest updates and information for free. If you have any comments, questions, or concerns, feel free to leave me a note down below—and as always, I’ll see you next time!
Jon Anthony is a dating coach, fitness expert, and self-improvement guru. He dropped out of college to start Masculine Development in 2015, and has since been self-employed, helping men across the world achieve their best lives. You can best reach him on social media, or via email for questions.