How to Stop Lying to Yourself and Start Conquering Life

After you’ve been involved in self-development for a few years, you start to notice how often people lie without even knowing it.

They lie about their health. “Oh, I’ll start that new diet next week. I’m busy this week.”

They lie about their sex life. “I could’ve talked to that girl…but I don’t have the time right now.”

They lie about EVERYTHING. What’s terrifying, however, is realizing just how much you lie to yourself to justify your own fears.

 

Lying Clouds Your Mind

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Imagine that you’re walking through a forest…a very dark forest. You’ve been following a path for hours, and you’re so deep in the forest that you can barely see just 10 feet ahead of you. Now imagine that you say to yourself: “Oh, I’ll just go a little bit off the path…it’s not a big deal.”

…and maybe it isn’t, at first. But, you keep going off the path, little by little. You get bolder and bolder, and keep justifying your straying from the path, and before you know it, you’re completely lost and can’t find your way back.

This is what lying does to you. When you lie to yourself for years, or even decades, you literally get caught in your own web of dishonesty and it prevents you from improving your life.

How does it stop you from improving your life? Well, it’s simple, really. If you can’t see reality for what it is, how the hell are you supposed to change it? You can’t. It’s impossible. Changing reality depend on being able to actually engage with it, and interpret it for what it is.

“So then why do people lie to themselves, Jon?” someone might ask. Well, they lie to themselves, to preserve their self-image. It’s painful to admit the truth, ESPECIALLY in self-improvement.

It’s painful to admit that you’re weak, either physically or mentally. It’s painful to admit that you suck with women. It’s painful to admit that you’re broke. So, most people lie to themselves and make excuses…but if you want to transform your life, this won’t get you anywhere.

 

“Little” White Lies

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What’s so insidious about the lies you tell yourself, is that they don’t start off as being anything huge. In fact, most of the lies you tell yourself are pretty small…at first.

Say, for example, you’re stuck working a job that you really hate, but it pays decently. What do most men do? They lie to themselves. They tell themselves that it’s not “that bad,” even though they desperately want to do something else.

They tell themselves that their boss isn’t “that mean,” or that the pay is “pretty good,” and eventually, the lies start snowballing. When another job opportunity comes up, that’s much better, they lie to themselves again: “I’m comfortable here, and I’ve got security.”

They pass down more and more opportunities, take less and less risks, and before you know it, they hit 60 years old, and they’ve wasted their whole life. “What went wrong?!” they’ll ask on their death bed—but we both know what went wrong.

When you lie to yourself, little by little, you slowly weave a web that prevents you from engaging with reality in an effective manner.

Most men weave MASSIVE webs of lies, in all areas of life. Whether it’s with their finances, their lifestyles, their sex lives, or their health…99% of people lie to themselves more than they’re even aware.

If you want to be a motherfucking boss, you can’t lie to yourself. You have to spit yourself the real deal, otherwise you’re just playing yourself for a fool. Being brutally honest with yourself is the only way you can actually see reality for what it is, and then change it.

 

Honesty = Growth

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I remember listening to a self-improvement coach when I was 16 or 17 years old, and he said something that I didn’t quite understand at the time.

He said that every time you lie to yourself, every time you cheat, steal, or act dishonestly, you stop the process of becoming a mature adult. In other words, you hurt YOURSELF more than you hurt others.

I didn’t realize it at the time, but this is one of the best gems of wisdom out there. It isn’t some “airy fairy,” nonsense, or “hippie dippie,” bullshit, it’s the truth. When people lie, they take the easy way out—rather than facing the consequences of their actions, they just shirk on their responsibilities.

When you do this over and over, you teach yourself to just lie when it’s convenient…and it may not seem like a big deal at first, but when compounded over years and years, it leads to:

  • Friendships based off of mutually accepted lies
  • Relationships based off of deceit and dishonesty
  • A career that you dislike, but stay in anyway, because you can’t admit you’re afraid to leave
  • An entire life based around things that aren’t even you

When you decide to be honest, on the other hand, it’s painful—but it leads to the most growth. When you admit to yourself that “this friend is using me,” or maybe even that “I’m using this friend,” you discover the truth, and can act accordingly.

Maybe you kick him out of your life, or examine why you were using him. Maybe you decide to bring it up with him, and he feels the same way, and your friendship improves. Either way, honesty is how you grow.

When you’re honest enough to admit your fears, your faults, and your failures, you allow yourself to accept these things and change them. You can’t change anything if you’re in complete denial.

 

Lies About Your Health

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Check out my “Bible” on getting jacked

Health is one of the most important things that you have. It doesn’t matter how much money you have, how many relationships you have, or how successful you are…if you’re so sick you can’t get out of bed, you have absolutely nothing.

So you’d think that most guys would take their health seriously, right? Wrong—most people would rather lie to themselves about their health. This is one of the biggest issues that I have when coaching men, it’s that they’re not even AWARE of the lies they tell themselves.

Sometimes I’ll have to keep pushing, and pushing, and pushing…until they finally realize “Holy shit. I’ve been lying to myself this whole time.”

As an example, I know one person that literally told me that food “doesn’t count,” if nobody sees you eating it. Are you fucking joking me? This is absolutely DELUSIONAL, what kind of mental gymnastics do you have to pull to think this?

Here are some of the lies people tell themselves when it comes to their health:

  • “I’ll start working out next month, I’m busy right now.”
  • “I’ll wait until January 1st to really make a change.”
  • “Oh, it’s only dessert, it’s not that bad.” (But they say it every day)
  • “I’m too busy today, I’ll stop and get some McDonalds on the way home.”

Realize that you are 100% in control of your health, and whether you’re fat, obese, and out of shape, or strong, chiseled, and powerful, is ENTIRELY your decision! Don’t have time to make dinner? Okay, then grab a healthy option like Chipotle or Sushi instead of fucking KFC.

It’s only dessert? Really? How often do you tell yourself that, like every single day? Then it isn’t “only” fucking anything—it’s a lifestyle. You’re tired? Tough fucking shit, stop being a pussy and making excuses—get your health in order and take responsibility for your actions.

Look into your life right now, and ask yourself where you’ve been dishonest about your health. Do you follow a healthy diet? Do you work out regularly? Do you do cardio? If not, it’s time to get real with yourself.

 

Lies About Dating/Game

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Some of the BIGGEST lies that men tell themselves have to do with women. I always say that there’s two delusions that every man has: that they could win any fight, and that they could get any girl.

The fact of the matter is most guys completely suck when it comes to women. They’re not smooth, they’re not confident, and they’re definitely not seductive…and that’s fine, but what isn’t fine is that they can’t even admit it.

Most guys tell themselves that they’re good with women, and end up dating like 2 girls before they “settle down,” with the only girl willing to marry them.

…and it’s completely pathetic. You don’t want to do this, you want to CHOOSE a woman from a place of abundance rather than a place of scarcity. This is why it’s so crucial that you learn game. It gives you options and it gives you abundance.

Are you serious about learning game? Answer honestly. I’ve had so many guys tell me: “Yeah, Jon! I’m really serious about learning game!” and then when I ask them how many days a week they practice, they say something like “Oh, I go out twice a month.”

Motherfucker, are you joking me? Do you know what SERIOUS means? It means going out every god damn day and approaching 10-20 women, AT LEAST. It means staying out until 4 in the morning, approaching every hot girl you see. This is what serious means.

If you’re focused on building a business, getting in better shape, or something else, that’s FINE, but be honest with yourself about it. Don’t tell yourself that you’re “serious about learning game,” when you only go out like twice a month.

Be honest with yourself—are you happy with the women in your life? When’s the last time you had sex? How often do you usually have sex? Do you have any close relationships? The answers may be uncomfortable, but you have to ask these questions if you want to improve your game.

 

Lies About Your Wealth

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“Money isn’t everything,” they say. Oh really? Tell that to the guy who’s living in a mansion in Miami, where it’s warm and sunny every day, who has the best food, the best cars, and the best clothes.

Tell that to the man who’s got gorgeous women pursuing him every day, and who can afford to throw lavish parties all the time. Tell that to the man who’s got cool friends that are also rich, that go sky-diving, yachting, and mountain-climbing with him.

Sayings like “money isn’t everything,” or “money can’t buy happiness,” are bullshit. There’s some truth to them, but 99% of the time people use these statements to justify their own lack of success.

OBVIOUSLY everybody knows that friendship, relationships, and fulfillment are more important than money…but money is still pretty god damn important. That’s why you’ll never hear millionaires say “money isn’t everything,” because there’s no point to saying it.

It’s always poor people who say that, because they want to lie to themselves and justify their own failures. “Money isn’t everything,” says the broke 27 year old living in his parents’ basement, earning $500 a month. Don’t be that guy.

Instead, ask yourself—how much money do you ACTUALLY want to be earning? What would you buy with it? What would your ideal lifestyle be if you had all the money in the world? The answer may surprise you.

Maybe you just want to travel around, and backpack through Europe—maybe you want to spend money on experiences and on loved ones, instead of on cars and luxury clothes. That’s fine, but you still need money to do it.

Money is FREEDOM, and without money, you are not free. If you’re stressed about paying bills, worried about making enough to buy the organic food that you want, and constantly working 80 hours a week, you are not free.

 

Becoming a Boss

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The #1 biggest factor that will determine your success, is how honest you are with yourself. The more realistic your view of reality, the better you’ll be able to change it.

Think about it—if you’re always lying to yourself about your health, how can you ever change it? If you always tell yourself that “you’re happy,” when you’re not, how can you change it? If you can’t even admit that you’re terrified of talking to girls, how can you ever find your dream wife?

In your journey towards becoming a total boss, you need to understand the 3 layers of honesty:

  1. Being honest with yourself
  2. Being honest with others about facts
  3. Being honest with others about facts AND your feelings about the facts

The first one is the easiest, but most people don’t even accomplish that. The second is harder, and the third is the hardest—you should strive for reaching the third level, though.

The first level simply entails self-honesty. Are you overweight? Admit it. Are you terrified of quitting your job? Admit it. Do you hate your wife? Admit it. Be 100% honest with yourself, so that you can figure out a game plan to change things.

The second level entails reporting the facts to others, without lying directly or by omission. Did you cancel plans, because you’d rather hang out with somebody else? Then say so. Did you crash your friend’s car, because you were drunk? Then say so.

Then, there’s the third level, which is reporting not just the FACTS, but your FEELINGS about the facts.

For example, instead of saying “I cheated on you,” to your wife, you’ll say “I cheated on you, because you’re always nagging me, and it’s incredibly frustrating.”

Instead of saying “I couldn’t meet the sales quote,” to your boss, you’ll say “I couldn’t meet the sales quota, because I feel that it’s very unrealistic seeing the resources that we have.”

Instead of saying “I crashed your car, because I was drunk,” to your friend, you’ll say “I crashed your car, because I was drunk. I feel like such a fool, and I’m so sorry—I’ll make it up to you.”

The third level of honesty is the goal—when you learn to not only be honest with yourself, but to also be completely honest with others, your entire life will flourish.

Think of it as building your life on a “sturdy foundation.” If you build your life upon lies, it’s like building a house upon sand. Building your job, your friends, your relationships, and your entire life around honesty, however, is like building a house on firm, solid ground.

 

Summary

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In summary, telling yourself the truth is the single fastest way to grow as a human being. Tell yourself the truth about everything, even if it’s uncomfortable—ESPECIALLY if it’s uncomfortable.

You’ll know that you’re on the path when being honest is uncomfortable. That’s something you need to explore, because it’s usually uncomfortable for a reason. The uncomfortable truths hurt, but they’re how we grow.

Afraid to talk to a girl? Admit it to yourself. Afraid to start a business? Admit it to yourself. Angry at someone? Sad about something? Admit it. The path of honesty is very arduous, but it’s also the most rewarding.

If you guys have any questions or concerns, feel free to let me know in the comments section down below—and, as always, I’ll see you next time.

About the Author Jon Anthony

After learning to successfully trade the market, build a six pack, start a social circle from scratch, and increase his IQ by 15 points, Jon Anthony has decided to teach others how they can, too. He plans to move to Las Vegas next year to invest in real estate and live it up.

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  • Sébastien

    Great article as always ! I will add that sometimes, as I was in this case, the people don’t lie to themselves even if something, or even many things is clearly not at good level in their lives (money / health / friends / game / etc).

    What the people say about them is also a question of what the concept they refer to.

    For example, somebody in the middle class could think that being in extra good health is simply to not have any disease. So they think they are is incredible good shape. Even with too much fat on them and eating a lot of shit things that will slowly but surely developp a disease with time in their body.

    Somebody can also think he is in a incredible good health because he does one sport (tennis / football / dancing or anything else), and a lot of people don’t do anything at all. But if this person don’t eat also extra well, the benefits won’t be as high on his health as he think, with practicing only one sport and doing nothing else to improve his health on the side (stop drinking too much / smoking too much / be angry at everything / etc).

    For 5 years of improvment, starting at near DEAD and bad in everything, I made a HUGE mystake I can see now. My mystake was to compare myself to a level I wanted to reach, to go back to, on a nonconscious level, to something better than the level of the middle class.

    My ideal, goal, was to go a little up than middle class level of life. And when you’re in a destroyed life at nearly all level (mind / body / friends / family / money / purpose / hard and dangerous addiction / etc) it seems to be a perfect goal to aim for, and a very long journey to just manage to do that.

    But now I’ve done this, I can see the mystake. I shoud have compared myself with the BEST in the ENTIRE WORLD.

    Because it’s clearly NOT the same thing to have a good health if your point of comparison is to be “a little better than the normal person life”, or if your point of comparison is Jack LaLanne.

    It’s clearly NOT the same thing to have a good skill with money in your life if your point of comparison is to be “a little better than the normal person life”, or if your point of comparison is Warren Buffet / Arnold Schwarzenegger / anyone that is VERY GOOD in money skills, in the top 1 % or 0,1 %.

    So, you can sometimes be perfectly honnest, with yourself and with others, by thinking you’re in a good shape. And sometimes you can be perfectly honnest, with yourself and with others, by thinking you’re not in a good shape. But, as surprising at it seems to be, someone saying “I’m not in a good shape”, and being honnest, can be in a FAR BETTER shape than someone saying “I’m in a good shape”, and being honnest about it. Because the first compare maybe with Jack LaLanne, and the other with his Friend Joe that is 300 lbs.

    This change nothing to the truth in the article, I just wanted to add this information ! So, better to compare yourself always with the top level, so you don’t make the mystake I made !

  • Tito Sigma

    Nice article and all, but reinstitution the patriarchy and institutionalizing ‘structural alpha’ would actually knock out 90% of all these problems. Our civilization can no longer wait for everyone to get around to learning game, by then there will be no one left, the pickins are slim due to low birth rates and that means less ( the opposite of abundance) to go around. If your loins come before your civilization, you will fall with it. And that, my friends, is something we need to “stop lying to ourselves” about.

    • Jon Anthony

      Don’t think it’s this simple. Boys used to learn how to treat women from their fathers. Now, however, w/ the family unit being broken, and men being complete pansies, this doesn’t happen. We need the new generation of men to learn game, toughen up, etc., so they can pass down these traits to their sons.

      • Tito Sigma

        With all due respect good sir, and despite all the truth on this site/blog; hedonistic/atomistic, short-sighted virtues will not produce tough men, but rather conniving men who do everything sub rosa in order to achieve what the society that destroyed their civilization tells to achieve, i.e.., cash, bitchez, stuff, constant party, etc. Ultimately game leads to all of these things- since we are not lying to ourselves and all. Not only will it not produce tough men, it will literally produce no men, or women, at all for that matter as hedonism is largely anti-natal (although not for guys in the third world, lol). Trying to occupy as many coochies as possible while making sure not to marry and reproduce ever, then pass along these now useless women onto other guys who will not marry them as they are deemed used will not produce anything except fewer and fewer people, weaker people and enormous gaps between the generations. I wish it were not this way, but this is what we must realize and stop lying to ourselves about- game is not about the future, or about civilization but is merely a life hack in order to learn the system that you did not create and thrive within it without being noticed by it. That’s what it is; I don’t like it, any more than you men.

        Despite all that, I still endorse this site.

        • Jon Anthony

          Not advocating short-sighted virtues. Cash and bitches are a byproduct of self-improvement. Game produces extremely tough men – try getting rejected 50 times in a single night. Not saying you shouldn’t marry. I agree that the system is broken, and game wasn’t needed in the past (due to strict regulations on sex/marriage). You’re assuming a lot about my beliefs, I think we agree on a lot of what you said.

          • Tito Sigma

            No, I am fairly well aware of your beliefs and they are quite correct, that is not the point here. Perhaps my commentary is beyond the scope of this blog and perhaps a bit too existential and ‘meta,’ for that I apologize. But in terms of civilization, structural dominance is unbeatable. Game makes men good at yapping and maneuvering, it won’t produce tough men, otherwise where are they? Why are they not taking over and imposing patriarchy or something? The point is, hedonism will not produce anything but fewer people over time, which means fewer romantic prospects, fewer customers to by what “digital nomads” are selling, etc. I post all of this because we need to “stop lying to ourselves. And yes, I’ve tried getting rejected a million times, it is just fine. I’m talking about the big picture. If all we practice at is fun, then that is what we’ll know. We’ll not be able to transfer that to serious struggle, and will avoid such struggle to rescue our civilization. Unless that struggle is for more cash and bitchez. Then those that don’t do that will take us over and kill us all.

          • Jon Anthony

            Ah, I see what you’re saying and agree 100%. Here’s the thing, Tito – how does one attain structural dominance? By getting more cash and bitches. Get more power. Improve yourself, rise up through the hierarchy, and work to change the system from within. That’s what I’m doing, and it’s what we should all be striving to do.

            You can’t change the system if you’re broke, out of shape, wifeless, and depressed.

          • Tito Sigma

            Hello again Mr. Jon!

            You change it by openly opposing it, en masse, and imposing a sort of collective will, thought up by some wizard-like guru (likely a sigma male) who strategizes, then you have an ideological cadre and go from there. Anything else will only serve to take the will to fight it out of one, as her becomes a subject of the dictatorship of well-being. Also, it is very fragmented and there is no sort of implied, agreed upon plan to move forward. It is simply a way to hack the current system to improve one’s lot, but is still based on 24/7 playtime. It works, but not fro the goal of civilization, ruling over ruins is not as cool as it sounds.

            As for the last bit, you are right of course, but game is not about wives (that’ll ruin the notch count and end the 24/7 playtime thing, which is the whole point). The point of all this is to change yourself to fit into the system better so as to stop being abused by it. The way I mentioned above is fast and hard, but would work if everyone wanted to do it. You are correct at the end of the day, but in the spirit of not lying to ourselves, the above cannot be ignored for much longer.

          • Jon Anthony

            Very insightful comments, man. I enjoy comments like these.

            Yes, a quick change would work, but it would also be filled with bloodshed and massive chaos. I think that slowly influencing the existing system is our best option.

            For example, slowly get men to start boycotting SJW businesses. Support local farmers and food. Etc, etc, etc. Over time this will give the right people more financial power, and pressure the system into promoting our values. I disagree – I think that the point of game is ultimately to find a partner.

            You need “practice,” so to speak, to find the right wife. She won’t just magically plop onto your lap, you have to practice game, build a social circle, meet new friends, learn how to seduce women, etc. in order to get her.