how to establish firm boundaries

How to Actually be Successful by Eliminating BULLSHIT From Your Life

What people often don’t understand is that success isn’t due to luck. It isn’t due to your connections, it isn’t due to having wealthy parents, and it sure isn’t due to following the well trodden path.

Success is a mindset. Once you learn to adapt a certain mindset, success will come naturally.

I guarantee that if you took Elon Musk, Bill Gates, 50 Cent, or any successful, self-made entrepreneur, and put them into the middle of some poverty-stricken ghetto, within a decade they would be millionaires, if not billionaires again.

Why is this? It’s because they have the “millionaire mindset,” so to speak. They know the principles that lead to success, which I’m going to talk about today.

 

Keep Bullshit Out

how to establish firm boundaries

Success is a mindset, because there are certain principles that exist, and if you follow these principles, you will become successful. This is one of the lessons that I’ve learned after years of self-development: focus on the principles.

One of these principles, is having firm boundaries, or in other words, not letting bullshit into your life. This means taking a stance when people or things try to mess with you.

Bullshit comes in many forms—it can be that nagging girlfriend who won’t stop draining your energy, it can be that big mac you just ate, or it can even be your own thoughts. Sometimes, negative thought-loops are the worst kind of bullshit, because they’re in your own head!

Whatever form it takes, however, one thing is for sure—the bullshit in your life will indefinitely prevent you from succeeding. This is why it is paramount that you cut it out, right now.

 

Cut Out Bullshit Food

how to establish firm boundaries

The reason that I put this one first, is because it’s the easiest one to fix. It comes down to just throwing out garbage food and filling your house with healthy food.

That doesn’t mean it’ll be easy if you’re used to eating junk food, but out of all the types of bullshit, this one is the easiest to eliminate from your life.

Bullshit food is basically anything that hinders your performance:

  • Fast food
  • Potato chips
  • Cheese burgers
  • Dairy (for most people, unless it’s raw milk)
  • Candy
  • Fast digesting carbs (bagels, donuts, white rice, white bread, etc.)

If you consume foods like this, you are literally creating a ripple effect that will fuck your life over. If you have poor nutrition, your brain and body won’t have the adequate nutrients to function. You’ll be slow to learn, have less energy, and will be less motivated.

In other words, your mind and body are being poisoned by bullshit food.

This is why you must cut it out of your life. If you have any junk food in your house, throw it out right now, no fucking exceptions. No, don’t give me that “B-but I’m not fat!”

It doesn’t matter. Even though you’ll be fat one day if you continue to eat junk food, you’re still poisoning your body. Your mind can’t function properly without:

  • Healthy proteins (sardines, wild caught salmon, grass fed beef)
  • Leafy greens (kale, spinach)
  • Colorful veggies (broccoli, carrots, beets)
  • Slow digesting carbs (beans, brown rice, quinoa)
  • Quality fats (olive oil, coconut oil)

If you are eating junk food you are poisoning your body. Stop it.

It will be hard to eat healthy at first if you’re used to eating junk food, but within a month you’ll actually come to like it. You’ll feel amazing and won’t even want to eat junk food, because it’ll make you feel sluggish, both mentally and physically.

 

“But what if I’m already a very healthy eater?”

If you actually are, that’s great—however most people actually have no fucking idea what eating healthy is. Do you think that the food pyramid is eating healthy? If so, chances are you have no clue what you’re talking about.

I don’t fault people for not knowing what food makes them healthy—we’re fed a huge amount of lies and propaganda about how “12 servings of grains a day is good for you,” or whatever.

If you’re actually trying to eat healthy, then consider checking out the “fad diets,” section in “Body of an Alpha,” because it’s the most objective guide to nutrition I’m aware of. Start by educating yourself if you haven’t already. Half of the battle is knowing just how bad certain foods are for you.

For example, did you know that aspartame, a common sweetener put in literally every diet soda on the planet, whey proteins, candy, and a whole host of other foods, has been linked to cancer, infertility, obesity, and chronic migraines?

Most people don’t know this, so what do they do? They grab a diet coke on the way home from work, thinking it’s healthy for them. Educate yourself and the habit of eating healthy will follow naturally

 

How to Get Good Food

Generally speaking, there’s two obstacles to getting high quality food that will optimize your mind and body: money, and location.

If you live in the middle of bumfuck nowhere, it’s going to be pretty hard to find a “Whole Foods,” and if you’re making $300 a week, it’s going to be pretty hard to afford good food.

That being said, there’s never an excuse—do the best you can with what you have.

 

“What if I’m Both?”

The best thing to do, whether you’re broke, in the middle of nowhere, or even both, is to find food locally.

There’s a few reasons for this, one of which being that the vegetables develop certain anti-microbials depending on their environment, which means that if you eat them you will also gain a resistance to microbials in your area.

It’s also much cheaper to buy it directly from the farmer than it is to buy it from a conglomerate like Safeway, Giant, or even Walmart, that has to pay for shipping, production, marketing, packaging, etc. Just go online and google “Farmer’s market near me.”

You can also talk some of the farmers down, especially if you buy in bulk, which is one of the tricks to saving money.

 

Buy in Bulk

Whether you buy locally or online, buying in bulk is a major key.

Don’t do this for vegetables, because they’ll just rot, but you can definitely do it for meat. Just throw it in the freezer and unthaw a few pounds a week.

You can buy in bulk at your local farmer’s market, but you can sometimes find cheaper deals online. One of my favorite sources of protein is Wild Planet’s Sardines in Olive Oil. They’re super delicious, but also super healthy, and they’re great for traveling.

 

Use Spices Instead of Supplements

As Dr. Aggarwal talks about in his book, spices are a great way to cure a lot of ailments naturally. They provide loads of anti-microbials, anti-oxidants, and micro-nutrients.

Here are some good spices to use:

  • Tarragon with eggs
  • Thyme with chicken
  • Rosemary with pork
  • Chives with rice
  • Marjoram with fish

In addition to the added health benefits, girls are also very impressed when you know what spices to use with what foods. Plus, that pork loin tastes way better when you season it.

 

Cut Out Bullshit Friends

how to establish firm boundaries

Most people don’t even know that their friends are losers, especially if they come from a dysfunctional background. I had a couple of friends back in high school, and they were takers. All they would do is take, take, take.

They only cared about themselves. They were selfish to the point of childlike narcissism, and didn’t respect me.

I actually didn’t even realize it for a while, because that’s all I had known. But slowly, as I began reading more and more, educating myself, and improving my outlook, I started to see that they were users. So do you know what I did?

I cut them out of my fucking life.

This may sound cruel, or difficult to do, but let me ask you a question: are they helping you or hurting you? If they’re hurting you, then cut them out of your life.

Here are some common signs that your friends may be hurting you:

  • They don’t ever give you gifts, even when you give them gifts
  • They never return your calls unless they want something from you (“can I borrow $5 for a pack of cigs, man?”)
  • They don’t stop pushing your boundaries
  • You tell them that you don’t want to do something, and they don’t stop asking why (like a child)
  • They’re always focusing on the negative
  • They speak down on you or call you names frequently, even if they say they’re “just kidding”
  • They manipulate you emotionally (always make you feel guilty, act like they’re a victim, etc.)

Ask yourself: “Do they make me feel good about myself, or bad?”

If they make you feel bad, lazy, or insecure, chances are you should cut them out of your life. Even if they’re family members.

This can be very difficult for a lot of people to understand—I get that. It sounds very cruel to cut family members out of your life. But again, are they helping you or hurting you? If they’re hurting you, then it’s in your best interests to cut them out of your life.

 

How to Cut Out Bullshit Friends

I’m a big fan of the “sorry, I can’t hang out tonight,” approach.

A lot of people would say that it’s best to confront someone and honestly tell them how you feel, but what I would say to that is they obviously don’t know very many dysfunctional people.

Most people, if they aren’t worth your time, would get angry, call you names, or maybe even physically attack you, blackmail you, or gossip about you behind your back.

So, instead, I’d just always make up an excuse when they want to see you. Eventually they’ll stop asking.

 

“What if They Come to My House Without Asking?”

Simply tell them that you can’t hangout. You’re busy with work or something. Make up an excuse. If they continue to pressure you, put your foot down. “Sorry, but not tonight. Maybe some other night.”

If they physically try to enter your house—and believe me, some friends are shitty enough that they would do this, simply shut the door on them.

If they barge their way in, I would honestly call the cops and get a restraining order. If somebody has so little respect for you that they would do this, you need to cut them out of your life ASAP.

Again, I realize that it may be hard, but if someone is hurting you, it’s time you stop seeing them.

 

Cut Out Bullshit Habits

how to establish firm boundaries

Once you’ve cut out bullshit food and bullshit friends, it will be easier to cut out bullshit habits.

Doing this, however, will still prove extremely difficult. But nothing worthwhile ever comes easy, so you might as well start now. Bullshit habits take from you and give you less or nothing in return.

That’s the thing to remember. They do give you some pleasure, but in the long run they take far more than they give.

They may make you feel good temporarily, but in the long run they’ll cost you a hell of a lot more than is worth it. This is why most people can’t cut bullshit habits out of their life: they lack impulse control.

They let their emotions and their bodily desires dictate their actions. If you want to be successful, you cannot do this. You must think logically and realize when a habit is bullshit.

Bullshit habits include:

  • Smoking
  • Drinking
  • Jacking off
  • Watching TV
  • Browsing social media
  • Doing drugs frequently

A bullshit habit is hard to discern, however—in moderation, a lot of things are fine.

In fact, it’s actually a good thing to relax every once in a while. The self-development community just never says this, because 99% of people will interpret this as “I’ll just chill and watch TV for 4 hours a day after work, won’t go to the gym, and will skip the salad.”

Most people need the opposite of moderation. They need to fucking work and hustle, but don’t forget—there is a place for relaxation.

Regardless, bullshit habits take more than they give. This is the key factor to remember.

 

Smoking

Smoking? Yeah, it will give you a temporary buzz—but in the short term it will cost you your ability to breathe fully. In the long term it may cause heart disease or lung cancer. And from the moment that you start, it can cost you anywhere from $5 to $500 a month.

Yes, it can be a social thing—but don’t sacrifice your health just to socialize. Learn game instead.

 

Alcohol

In moderation, alcohol has actually been correlated with lower risks of heart disease, however the link is still unclear. I would still recommend staying sober, because alcohol is absolutely horrible for muscular recovery and it dehydrates you.

Not to mention it’s literally a poison that your liver has to filter out. Alcohol becomes a very bad habit when you start to drink a lot. It’s even worse if you drink a lot every day. Cut it out of your life.

 

Jacking Off

This is every guy’s Achilles’ heel. With just the click of a button, you can see incredibly sexy women doing literally whatever you want.

But it saps your energy—it lowers your motivation and makes you lazy. How many times have you planned on getting some work done, and then masturbated, only to find yourself saying you’ll just do the work tomorrow?

Masturbation and porn mess up your brain’s dopamine levels, making it more difficult to pursue actual women. In fact, there’s a group of men on Reddit claiming that stopping all porn and masturbation has literally changed their lives.

 

Watching TV

This is the silent killer of nearly every single American out there—so many people just wake up, go to work, and numb their miserable existence afterwards by watching TV for hours on end.

It’s a waste of time, and it’s actually been shown to make you dumber.

 

Browsing Social Media

The idea behind social media is great—it lets you keep in contact with your friends even if they’re thousands of miles away and you haven’t seen them in years.

But, like many things, the idea that gives birth to them turns out to be completely different than the actual effect that they have.

99% of people who browse media don’t do so to “keep up with their friends.” They do so to mindlessly scroll through feed and compare their lives to other people.

It’s a waste of time, and it’s stupid. Cut it out. Only view social media when you have a specific person or a specific event that you are interested in. All else is a waste.

 

Drugs

Although I do believe that certain drugs, when used properly, can be a phenomenal tool, most people don’t use them properly. Rather than flying to Brazil and taking Ayahuasca, most people just smoke weed every day as a way to numb themselves.

If you’re doing drugs on the regular (particularly party drugs like xanax, coke, molly, or weed), you’re messing up big time.

Your mind literally creates your environment. It creates your reality. And you’re ruining the very thing which your whole life depends on: your mind. If you’re an addict, learn how to break any addiction and take action.

 

Cut Out Bullshit Thoughts

how to establish firm boundaries

This is the hardest thing to do. If you came from a very negative upbringing like I did, it can often be very difficult to unwire your brain and train yourself to think positively. That’s okay—you can still do it (insert positive thought here). I did.

Negative thoughts are perhaps the most insidious addiction on the planet, and they are literally the biggest determining factor in how successful you are. When you learn to change your thoughts, you can change your reality.

If you are negative, nobody will want to be around you. You’ll always bring peoples’ moods down, so you won’t have many friends. You probably won’t get promoted, because nobody in your workplace will like you. You’ll end up wasting tons of mental energy thinking negative thoughts, rather than just being positive.

Now, the negative man may justify his thought patterns by claiming that he’s just being a “realist.”

What I would say to this is that negativity and positivity actually have nothing to do with being realistic. Being realistic is viewing reality for what it is. Positivity and negativity, however, have to do with what you focus on.

The positive man accepts reality for what it is, but chooses to focus on the bright side. He doesn’t bitch and moan, he just takes action and gets shit done. The negative man complains and whines, but never does anything about it. He’s just a talker, not a walker.

Negativity is an excuse—it’s a childlike, pathetic habit to engage in. When someone is negative, all I can hear is: “I don’t fix my problems, I just complain about them.”

 

How to Cultivate Positivity

There’s a lot of ways to cultivate positivity, and they’ll all take some work. But I promise you it will be one of the best things that you’ve ever done.

  • For 30 days, re-frame every negative thought as a positive one
  • Listen to audio-books and educational podcasts while you’re driving
  • Change your wallpaper to a motivational one
  • Do my epic morning routine for massive motivation

Re-framing a negative thought simply means viewing it in a positive light. So, instead of “I didn’t get much sleep last night,” you can think “this is a chance to build discipline.” I slept 3 hours last night, but I’m still writing this article – why? Because that’s when it matters the most.

So, instead of always looking at the negative, look at the positive!

It also helps to cut the other 3 categories of bullshit out of your life, as well.

When you eat well, you’ll feel well. Your brain’s neurotransmitters will work more efficiently, and your body will feel more energetic.

When you cut out bullshit habits, you’ll feel a lot better about yourself. You’ll have more self-respect when you stop doing drugs every day as a way to numb your pain. You’ll feel much better when you don’t have to resort to smoking as away to relax, and you can work out or meditate instead.

 

In Summary

how to establish firm boundaries

This is what your boundaries must look like.

I realize that this may all be a lot to take in—that’s just fine. Start by changing what you eat and changing what you think. Once you do these two, everything else will fall into place.

Once you start being positive, you won’t want to be around any friends that are negative anymore. You’ll start to form stronger boundaries and will reap the rewards of this.

When you start changing what you think, you’ll start changing how you act. Your new found self-image and positivity will push you to quit your negative habits and cut negative people out of your life.

You will experience many bumps along this road of self-development, but it will be very worth your while to continue onward. I wish you all the best, in this journey of self-improvement, and I hope you liked the article.

As always, if you guys have any questions, comments, or concerns, let me know. In fact, why don’t you comment on 1 thing that you’re going to cut out of your life RIGHT NOW.

About the Author Jon Anthony

After learning to successfully trade the market, build a six pack, start a social circle from scratch, and increase his IQ by 15 points, Jon Anthony has decided to teach others how they can, too. He plans to move to Las Vegas next year to invest in real estate and live it up.

follow me on:
5 comments

Comments are closed